Healthy Happy Loving Life: Your Nature in Yin and Yang

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great relationships, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, LifeTools, Love, The life you want, Yin and yang

© Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.

© alexmax on megapixl

Yin and Yang:  Let Your Nature Nurture You

 

Are you forcing yourself to act against your true nature?  Not only can stress cause fatigue, but fatigue can cause stress. It’s vital, if you are tired a lot, to ask yourself which started first. If you are ridiculously tired, one factor may be that you are forcing yourself to act against your true nature. This is incredibly wearing and leads to a lot of wasted energy, as well as misunderstandings in relationships.

Some people are even in a job or a profession that forces them to function against their true nature. In the classic American Winner Model, everyone is supposed to succeed by being extroverts: forward, talkative, witty, persuasive, and assertive. This is great for those whose temperaments are suited to this behavior, and it is very unhealthy for those who would be forcing themselves against type. Some people are trying to be quiet introverts, working in cubicles away from other workers when they actually need interactive jobs surrounded by many people and much activity. Others are trying to work in highly interactive environments that are giving them the sensation of being hammered.  These workers need a quiet corner and a job structure with breakaway, stand-alone tasks. Some love to lead, and some love to follow. Some love to supervise and some love to sit doing repetitive tasks for years at a time. Fortunately, we need all these types in most career fields.

There are a number of useful personality inventory tests, and you may have taken several of them. I hope that you learned some interesting things about your nature from these systems. One useful framework that is not widely used is the oriental philosophy of the opposite natures, yin and yang. In Chinese philosophy, everything and everyone has a relatively yin or yang nature. Some substances and some people are very yang, and some are very yin.  Some are on the scale in between.  Balance is the goal.

Following is a figure, Yin and Yang Characteristics, that shows the relative yin and yang of different qualities. See if one of these, yin or yang, sounds more like the real you.

Yin And Yang Characteristics

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Passive vs. Active

Weak vs. Strong

Cool vs. Warm

Dark vs. Light

Moon vs. Sun

Inward vs. Outward

Taking in vs. Giving Forth

Left hand vs. Right Hand

Feminine-grounded vs. Masculine-grounded

 Listening vs. Talking

Asking vs. Explaining

Responding vs. Initiating

“Taking in”  vs. “Giving forth”

 Nurturing vs. Caregiving

If you like to express yourself verbally a lot during your work day or in your personal relationships, you may be more of a “yang-grounded” person. Try to be in jobs that require verbalizing, and find relationships with people who are listeners. Conversely, some of you are getting exhausted from the level of verbalizing required in your job and relationships. You have more of a “yin-grounded” nature, and it will always be exhausting to have to talk a lot. Try to be in jobs that can be handled with written communication and find a talker-initiator for your significant other.

Some of you are stressed out from supervising because you need to be in breakaway tasks (yin). Examine the possibilities for going down or across the organizational tree; you will spend less time and money on doctor visits. The more your life activities and your nature are in sync, the healthier, happier, and more peaceful you will be.  Nurture your nature, and let your nature nurture you.

Next time:  The B/Right Stuff!

As you continue to Discover The Secret Energized You, push the possibilities. See how far the LifeTools can take you into energy, enthusiasm, and rejuvenation. You are now embarking on the most profound adventure: to Discover The Secret Energized You and redesign your life. Make the most of this adventure to make the most of your life! And that will be you, more and more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress/energy management expert, holistic healer, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   They are also available in Scottsdale, Arizona, at the Franciscan Renewal Center bookstore and at the bookstore at St. Barnabas on the Desert Episcopal Church. Or simply email us to order:  kebba@kebba.com .  Thank you!

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Enrich Your Relationships With the Love Codes

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finding love, great relationships, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, LifeTools, Love, The life you want, The Love Codes

© Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.

© dashaketti on megapixl

If you are ready for more love in your life, this article on Love Codes is for you!  Many don’t realize that people communicate respect, regard, caring, affection, and love in at least six different styles. And when we know what some of these styles are, we suddenly notice the many, many signals of caring and love that are coming our way all the time. We can also then choose to get our love messages across in another person’s style, to be sure they’re getting our signals.

The easiest people to hear are The Verbalizers. They use words. They tell you “I love you,” “You’re super,” “I’m so glad you’re in my life,” “We’re so glad you could come for dinner this evening,” “Let’s get together again soon.” You can use words back to them. This is clear. You know when these folks are expressing love.

Second easiest to understand are The Gifters. These folks give you stuff.  They show up with a flower from their garden, a packet of cookies they made, or a card for your birthday. Of course, they may bring fine chocolates and jewelry, and that’s all right too. Some of these folks may even send you a plane ticket.

The third group is still somewhat easy to understand. These are The Touchers. They hug you hello, they touch your arm for emphasis, they hold your hand, they may rub your neck. They show they care through touch. One holiday, I went to join friends at their home. Their small nephew really likes people. As the front door opened, I saw a streak coming toward me. It was the Human Love Bullet! Tiny Riggs jetted into my leg, throwing his arms around my knee. I felt so loved.

The fourth type is often unrecognized. These are The Do-Fors. These people are always doing something for you. In men, this may take the form of always fixing things around your house or taking your car in to the garage. In women, this more often takes the form of cooking something for you or offering you something they have prepared. These folks bring your paper in from the driveway, pick up something you’ve dropped, and ask if you need anything from the grocery store. For a group, they volunteer to sing and do readings, make the photocopies, email the membership meeting notices, and set up the chairs for events.

© yolopuki on megapixl

Now, you may be thinking, “But, I give gifts and do things for people.” Yes, you are a combination type. And most people are combination types. Your loved ones are lucky. And perhaps you have known people who share love in 3, 4, 5, or even all of the Love Codes.  Great!  Enjoy.

The fifth type is the most difficult love communicator for many people to understand. These are the Quality Time People. They hang out with you. They may call and just stay on the phone, waiting for you to talk.  And you’re thinking, “What does this person want?” They’re telling you they care about you by spending time with you. They may come by your house for no apparent reason. They want to spend time with you. They may not know this is their way of communicating regard, affection, or even love. But now you know. To nurture relationships with these people, plan activities with them. It may not matter what activity, just plan something, and spend time with them.

The last group is the Cash Communicators. They tell you they care with money. We see this in parents of college kids, who often ask, “How are things going? Do you need any money?” In this type of love communication, money is truly the currency of caring. They donate to worthy causes, and they give generous tips.  Some people who can’t communicate caring any other way rely on offering money as their means of sharing their love.

So we can see that love takes many forms. And there’s so much more love going around than we have been recognizing. How about that kind driver on the freeway this week who sweetly pulled back to let you into the lane you needed? This is lovingkindness. How about the smile from a stranger in the grocery store? This is the look that tells you that another human wishes you well.

Love: it feels good and helps your health. Let’s receive it, send it, and enjoy it, in all its forms. The Apostle Paul said, “Make love your aim.” Now you can aim more accurately. And, now you can decode when love is aiming for you.

Next time:  Handling Hurtful People Easily

As you continue to Discover The Secret Energized You, push the possibilities. See how far the LifeTools can take you into energy, enthusiasm, and rejuvenation. You are now embarking on the most profound adventure: to Discover The Secret Energized You and redesign your life. Make the most of this adventure to make the most of your life! And that will be you, more and more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress/energy management expert, holistic healer, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   They are also available in Scottsdale, Arizona, at the Franciscan Renewal Center bookstore and at the bookstore at St. Barnabas on the Desert Episcopal Church. Or simply email us to order:  kebba@kebba.com .  Thank you!

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Loving People on Wordless Wednesday!

Tags

effective living strategies, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, Love, loving others, stress, The life you want

© 2021 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved. http://www.kebba.com .  Images in this post © 2021 Kebba Buckley Button

World’s first Birthday Burrito!

Love people, and the most amazing things will happen, even on Wordless Wednesday.  And that will be you, ever more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert, holistic healer, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You , Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are shown and reviewed on Amazon (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br) and can be obtained through Kebba’s office ($10 pdf, $20 softback–includes postage).  Our email/PayPal is: kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

 

 

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Fresh Ways to Say “Love” (Videos)

Tags

Love

Image thanks to Tyler Nix on Unsplash

© 2021 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

There are many paths to expressing love. Love may be the most important emotion there is, literally healing many conditions. Love connects people. Love affirms relationships. Love can help you realize an acquaintance is really a friend. Or more.

Today, I offer 2 short videos that illustrate ways to communicate your love. In the first, an old woman breaks a mirror and tries to glue it together. Two different men (sons?) respond very differently to seeing her try to mend the mirror. Check out this heartwarming (literally) 2-minute video: https://youtube.com/shorts/61n9KkwkDm0?feature=share

The second short video (1 minute) shows how an artist offers words of love as art. Enjoy! https://youtube.com/shorts/7nx7csXLR5o?feature=share

Notice how others say and share love, and add their ways to your Love Vocabulary. Feel the fresh levels of love in your life! And that’s you, being ever more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM, is an energy transformation expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life. She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Lessons of the Heart from My Octopus Teacher

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interspecies friendships, Love, My Octopus Teacher, Unusual friendships

© 2021 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Shutterstock image

I knew My Octopus Teacher would be a real yawn.  I was astonished when a brilliant friend recommended the film. But I was curious when it won an Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature at the 2021 Academy Awards. So we dusted off our Netflix membership—since it is a Netflix production—and plunked down to watch it.  I was not optimistic.

Happily, I was completely surprised! This 83-minute movie has a magnetic charm that draws you in and glues you to your seat!  It follows a photographer/diver named Craig Foster for a year, as he is surprised to find himself befriending a wild common octopus.  He visits her every day, in the kelp forests of South Africa’s waters.  They become unlikely companions, like a Pinterest gallery of chickens hugging cats, dogs nurturing orphan kittens, and an elephant with his dog friend.

Lesson 1 of My Octopus Teacher: You can be friends with funny looking creatures of some other size and species.  The Octopus friend is about the size of the diver’s hand, outspread.  To her, the diver must have looked huge and bizarre. But she was able to sit on his hand and gently feel his forearm with her curling tentacles.  At one point, she crawled up to his chest and apparently hugged him.

Lesson 2 of My Octopus Teacher:  Live within the Force of the ocean. There is an effect the diver tried to explain: that the kelp forest is very complex and always moving.  You never know what creature will come around the corner of a stand of giant kelp, and how you will need to react.  Just go with it.

Lesson 3 of My Octopus Teacher:  Sometimes a being knows when its time is up.  We need to be grateful for our fond memories.  The Octopus in this film signaled the diver that she would be going.  She gave birth to many tiny octopi, then was too weak to zoom away from a predator.

Line up your kids and watch this movie.  You will be witness to the extraordinary.  You will be blessed by the gentle and caring relationship between the diver and the Octopus. You will be in awe of what you see in the life of the South African kelp forest.  Feel your heart warm and your energy soften.  You will be even more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm.   

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Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM, is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Let go and let LOVE

Tags

Dealing with stress, Effective living, Gratitude, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, Love, Stress Management

© 2021 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Today, I’m sharing a story of conflict, of grace, and of love. As a professional healer and uplifter, I would love it if we never had personality clashes, anger, or hurt. But that is not human nature. We can and must seek to resolve the unhappy rifts that occasionally try to tear at good relationships. We can and must seek peaceful responses to conflict. We can and must seek deep, immoveable personal peace, Peace Within.  We can and must substitute Love and grace for anxiety and hurt.

And that is where today’s story comes from. Some weeks ago, I suddenly had to do something for my husband’s health, just before rushing to a meeting. I texted the leader that I might be 20 minutes late. But she knew I would be there in time for my part of the meeting. So while I dislike being late, I was in good shape when I arrived, and I was pleased to be less late than I had estimated. As I exhaled and stepped into the meeting room, the leader burst into a laugh and asked, “SO ARE YOU STRESSED???” Hmm. Wait. No.  I’m a stress management expert, with award-winning books and a long track record to prove it.

At the end of the meeting, the leader inexplicably decided to tell the group loudly that “The funniest thing happened at the beginning of the meeting!” Laughing like this was hysterically funny, she told the group I had blown in, totally stressed out and ragged, and she had had to calm me down. I kept smiling and pleasantly saying, no, no, that didn’t happen.

Actually I felt very violated. I recalled other times over the years (25) when this woman had made me the center of attention and belittled me, laughing. I couldn’t imagine going back to that group and giving her another chance to create a scene at my expense. I called one friend who had been at the meeting, for a reality check. I asked if she thought the meeting scene had damaged me. Her answer: no, because of the strong personality of the meeting leader, Mary. People would have chalked off what the woman said about me as, “That’s just Mary!”

I really appreciated my friend’s perspective. Still, I have long hated the little scenes Mary creates, as have many others who have left the group for this reason. I really needed to decide whether to ever go back to the group and possibly have her target me again. I continued to feel violated and angry for over a week.  I was diligently processing what happened, the normal way.

Then, one day, a strange thing happened. I suddenly was filled with commanding waves of love for Mary. I suddenly was present to the cavalcade of good projects we had shared over the 25 years of friendship. I was relieved of my negative feelings about Mary’s behavior. I could only feel love. It was a love takeover! I was totally over my hurt and anger toward Mary.  It was that fast.

I walked into the next meeting early, feeling nothing but love for Mary.  We had a great hug.  She asked if she should apologize to me in front of the group.  I said that’s very gracious, but no, let’s just go forward as if it never happened. She was surprised, but she could see I meant it:  I was completely over it, like it never happened.

I was blessed to be washed with waves of Love. It was easy to let go and let Love solve it.  I was even more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm.  When it’s your turn for hurt, wash it with Love and see what happens.

 

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Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM, is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Upbeat Living: What Puppy is for You?

Tags

Kebba Buckley Button, Love, puppies, Relationships, stress, The life you want, UpBeat Living

© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

When you think of puppies, what do you feel?  Does your face break out in a huge, soft smile?  Does your whole body relax with joy?  When you pick up a puppy, how do you feel?  Do you feel love?  I personally believe that the greater purpose of dogs on this planet is to express unconditional love.  Read the following story and see if you come to share my belief.

There is an iconic story, author unknown, of a farmer who had some puppies he wanted to sell.  One version goes as follows:

The farmer painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.  “Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”  “Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then, reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.  “I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called.  Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly, the mother dog, followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.  Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up.

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.  In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.  Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.  Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.  “How much?” asked the little boy.  “No charge,” answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”

This story speaks to one of the most primal instincts we have:  to love and to be loved by someone who understands us.  The puppy with uneven legs represents unconditional love.  He also is a being that the little boy can pour out love to.  The puppy will be receptive to being loved affectionately and will be expressing his love with warmth and affection.  Think of the different personalities, enthusiasm, and receptivity of the different balls of fur rolling out of the doghouse.  So, what are you looking for in friends and in loving relationships?  Which puppy would be for you?  Which friends are for you? Living by your values puts you square in Upbeat Living^sm!  Make the choices that fits you best.  After all, it’s your life!

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Energy – Peace – Meditation

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office.  Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .

 

 

Love Stress: How to Receive More Love

Tags

Kebba Buckley Button, Love, Love Stress, stress, UpBeat Living

© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Fotolia-billionphotos.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With Valentines’ Day coming around soon, some are feeling Love Stress.  We are starting to see sesonal candy, décor and cards everywhere.  We’re starting to think about what we want to do for Valentines’ Day.  And we’re starting to think a lot about the love in our lives.  I recently wrote about Valentines’ Day itself (http://wp.me/pw4HM-sp).

A song written by Paul Francis Webster, familiar from the movie of the same name, taught us all the truth that

Love is a many-splendored thing.

Love and caring take so many forms that many of us miss love and caring signals that are coming our way.  All of us can figure out that someone loves us if they say so.  But we miss other signs.  And we miss opportunities to express our caring to others, because we don’t share in ways they can recognize.  Especially if you’ve been wanting to experience more love and caring, here are some tips to change that.  Here are ways to notice when people are connecting with you, in however light and brief a way:

1. Someone smiles and says “hello!”  They find you interesting enough to connect.
2. Someone compliments you.
3. Someone offers you their newspaper as they are leaving the café.
4. Someone lets you know one of your tires is very low.
5. The group waits to start until you arrive several minutes late.
6. An acquaintance suggests you get together for coffee.
7. A committee member touches your arm as they go by.

John 13:34 (NIV) tells us:

A new command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

 People express love and caring in a half-dozen different “codes”—words, doing-for, gifting, spending time with, touching, and giving money.  Your thoughtfulness is love!  So here are some light ways for you to express caring and love.  Please only make genuine gestures:

1. Smile happily and say “hello!’ in a friendly way.  Practice at church.
2. Compliment someone.  Remember, it’s “how great you look in that dress!”  Do not say, “what a great dress!”
3. Before you leave the café, ask the people at the next table if they would enjoy having your paper.
4. Let someone know their tire is low or their headlamp is out.
5. If someone drops something, pick it up for them, and smile happily.
6. If you are expecting a committee member who is usually on time, wait a few minutes for them to arrive before you start.
7. Think of someone from church or a class that you would like to know better, and ask them if they would like to possibly have coffee sometime.  If they say they are awfully busy, well, you tried.  If their voice brightens, schedule it.
8. Place your hand lightly on a friend’s back as you go by.

In John 13:34, Jesus tells us we must love one another.  Now you know more ways to do that.  Be a part of that as you receive and share caring and love.

And there is always more love to share.  You can beat Love Stress by increasingly following these pointers!  And that’s Upbeat Living^tm!

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Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office.  Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .
• Recent changes have made our Facebook likes look low.  Would you click “Like” in the right-hand column?  You’ll get our appreciation and a huge rise in your good karma!

UpBeat Living: More Love

Tags

joy, Love, social satisfaction

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Egidijus Mika

It’s February, and love is in the air.  February 14^th is Valentines’ Day, and despite the dubious pedigree of the day, people adore celebrating it.  In stores and online, we see special cards, foods, and trinkets created just for this holiday.  There are heart-shaped jewelery items, mugs and trays, together with pink- and red heart-bedecked socks, purses, and sweaters.  Candy makers offer heart-shaped candies and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates.  Love-themed movies are released in time for Valentines’ Day.  Collections of love songs are released.  Restaurants offer romantic dinner specials.

Nowhere is enthusiasm for love more evident than in the romance novel industry.  There are NASCAR romances, historical romances, suspense romances, inspirational romances, and even inspirational suspense romances.  Romance novels are the fastest growing segment of the e-book market and comprise 55% of all paperback book sales.  Readers, it seems, are very interested in love.

For singles, the 5 top U.S. matching services have a combined 64 million members.  There are companies that help many specific groups of singles:  straight and gay; Christian, Jewish, Messianic Jewish, and LDS; Latin, Black, Chinese, Asian, Russian, Australian; Military; overweight (their word, not mine); and SoCal, Virginia, and Capital Area (DC).  The unattached can meet at dances, at dinners, through a matchmaker, or online.  If you are looking, just be ready to answer many questions about yourself.  What are your real attitudes and values, your shining traits and the irksome ones?  Is there anything you want to change about you, before you meet the One of your dreams?  What are you really looking for in your match?  You may as well be honest, with so many potential partners out there.

For people in committed relationships, this is a great time of year to celebrate all that’s wonderful about your spouse or Particular Friend.  I like to pull my husband aside and say, “You know, I only love you because…” and then I go on for many sentences, about how great and amazing and enjoyable he is.  If you pull this stunt, be sure you have picked a time when your beloved is not in the middle of solving an accounting problem or just starting to dial the phone.

People communicate love most with words, touching, gifting, doing-for, quality time, and money (think, teenagers).  Are there ways in which your beloved has been expressing love to you, and you’ve been missing it?  Are there different ways in which you can share your love with him/her?  The number one thing that makes people feel loved is being listened to.  This year, would you like to give that gift to your beloved?  Often?  You may be surprised at the great results.

So where else and how else would you like to give love?  Do you have a family member that needs more time and conversation?  Is there an older person from your church who needs help?  Within your community, do assistance agencies pull your heartstrings?  Is Habitat for Humanity calling you?  Is animal rescue or food bank service or soup kitchen volunteering tugging at the back of your mind?  Paul McCartney wrote and sang about love, more than any other subject.  He sang, “And in the end/the love you take/is equal to the love/you make”.  Give from the heart, and you’ll be singing “Baby, I’m amazed!”

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● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   It’s a book to keep with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this article?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

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UpBeat Living: Yin and Yang in Love and Friendship

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Balance, Friendship, Love, Relationships, Yin and yang

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Everyone has heard of yin and yang.  Some people even say they have had frustration “up the yinyang”.  This last is a nonsense phrase.  However, yin and yang are very powerful and useful concepts.  Balancing the two forces yields harmony, happiness, and success.

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In ancient oriental philosophy, yin and yang are the opposing forces of the Universe.  Yin is the expanding forces of the Universe and yang is the contracting forces of the Universe. Some master teachers have taught that yin is the femaleness of the Universe and yang is the maleness of the Universe.  However, this limits the concepts.

Picture a tree that flowers and fruits.  As the branches and twigs grow and extend themselves, they are expressing yin, or expansion.  As the roots go down, they are expressing yang, or contraction.  Sweetness is a flavor with the quality of yin.  The flowers and fruits on the branches of our tree are sweet. If you eat a lot of sweet food, such as candy, your brain will not work well and may start to feel like it has expanded to possibly outside your head.  This may be a sugar high.  Certainly is a yin effect   To counter the yin effect in your diet, slowly subtract sweet foods and add more yang foods, such as ginger root, which is very yang.  Don’t add too much yang to your yin diet at once, or your solid output may contract to something very dense like rabbit pellets—the yang effect.

Everything has relative degrees of yin and yang.  Femaleness is generally yin, and maleness yang.  Introversion is a yin quality and extroversion is yang.  The Moon and night are both yin, while the Sun and daylight are yang.  Cold is yin, heat is yang.  Quiet is yin, loudness is yang.  The key to using these concepts is balance.  To feel our best, we need yin– yang balanced environments.  A workplace is most harmonious with about half yin people (mainly women) and about half yang people (mainly men).  In a workplace of all men but one woman, the extra yang energy will drain toward the woman, and she will be tense and possibly become aggressive.

In love, a yin person may be happiest with another yin person, feeling understood, and feeling a natural commonality.  Some say, “like attracts like.”  Both will be cold in the same temperature room.  Both will get weary of a party quickly, due to the excess yang energy.  Both will tend to recharge by going to a quiet area alone and not talking.  In friendship, same-energy pairs make some of the longest, closest bonds.  Conversely, a yang person may be most compatible with a yang person, as they will both tend to be warm-natured and want animated conversations and lively parties.  They may enjoy going to massive sports events and shouting together.  An argument between these two may be very heated (yang), then burn out.

However, another truism says “opposites attract”, and many couples have one yin partner and one yang partner.  Differences can fascinate and each can modify the other’s yin– or yang- excesses.  How yin or yang are you?

Think about your own nature in terms of these ancient opposite forces.  Consider what friendships and relationships have worked for you, and where the conflicts or missing elements were.  Now, as you step forward (yang behavior) or receive expressions of interest (yin behavior), recognize what feels natural to you.  Seek, or receive, and filter by the basics of your nature.  You’ll find the most lasting bonds for a lifetime.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (on Amazon.com >Books>Buckley), and the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (on Amazon.com >Books>Button).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

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