© Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.
© viewapart on megapixl
Three Top Secrets of Great Relationships
If you want the best energy, health, and wellness, take a fresh look at your relationships. That’s right. Studies show that people with a network of supportive relationships are less likely to get serious medical conditions. They are also more likely, if they do become ill, to become well. People with happy relationships are less prone to depression and more inclined to be financially successful. With satisfying relationships, people have a greater sense of well-being and simply enjoy life more.
So, do you want more satisfaction from the relationships you have? Do you want more close friendships? Do you perhaps have a business in which your client relationships could use some refreshing or deepening? Would you like to reduce stress in conflicted relationships? If so, read on for the three top secrets of great relationships.
© mascas on megapixl
The first secret of great relationships is to treat each person as though they are precious.
If you believe in a Divine Power, then you know the Divine holds each person to be precious, no matter how they look, sound, or act. Try to see each person as “a soul in a package.” A person’s physical form—their body, their appearance—is only packaging for the soul. In spare moments, practice imagining that you can see “the soul inside the package” of the people you see most often. Notice how you begin to care less about the externals you had been wishing they would change. Your teenager’s pink hair will seem less important. Your neighbor’s black lipstick and nails will fade in your awareness. That negative guy at the office will begin to seem less negative. When you truly treat another with respect, that is what you will get back. If someone speaks to you rudely, speak back as though they had spoken politely. Their energy will shift to the level of yours.
In situations with conflict, reply in a courteous, positive, interested manner. Most people will gradually shift, becoming polite and beginning to match your tone. You know this works in reverse. Many times, you have seen tones rise in anger, response by response, until a conversation has turned into a conflict. So now, with awareness, you can work it the opposite way to bring down dislike, disrespect, and conflict, notch by notch. If the relationship is already positive, you can deepen it with this method, as the person will absorb your respect more and more and reflect it back. Over time, this builds mutual trust and confidence. People will feel safe to express their minds and hearts around you.
© ene on megapixl
The second secret of great relationships is to listen to the other person’s story.
Really listen. Make most of your conversation focus on the other person. Studies show that people crave to be loved, and the number one way that people feel they are loved is by others’ listening to them. Ask questions, even if they sound initially superficial. During any holiday time, for example, you can turn to an acquaintance and ask, “So are there any foods you particularly like this time of year? Are there foods that really say ‘Christmas’ to you?” Then maintain eye contact and listen. What you will begin to hear is what is important to this person about the holidays, or what they find superficial and do not bother with at these times. You will begin to hear whether they do or don’t get together with family or if they are closer with their friends than with their relatives.
Feel free to ask clarifying questions, since it shows the person that you really are listening and are interested. Ask “Wait, did you just say your sister comes from Ohio every year to ski in Flagstaff, Arizona? When there are tons of snow in Ohio? How did that get started?” Now you’ll learn that ski slopes are much steeper in Arizona, and your friend prefers drinking espresso drinks while his sister is skiing the expert slopes. So the next time you meet your friend, meet him at a unique and charming espresso bar. Listening to others will get you out of your normal thought grooves and blow fresh ideas through your consciousness. You may find that, in getting to know them, you enjoy them more, and certainly they will feel closer to you because you inquired and listened.
© Kebba Buckley Button
The third secret of great relationships is to make no assumptions.
Be open to who each person may really be. A person who is “messy” today may have stayed up all night with their ill parent at the hospital or with their asthmatic child at home. An “unfriendly” or “grumpy” person may be grieving. A “curt” person may be in physical pain. A “vague” person may need their other glasses, which are at home on the hall table. A “secretive” person may have a gossipy coworker who has previously damaged them with exaggerated careless whispers. You could be the first kind person these people have talked with in a long time.
Do not assume any unsmiling person needs cheering up and they need you to fix them! Do ask privately, with respect, and informally, “Are you OK?” Remember, others may be listening, so keep your voice down. If the person grumbles something back, ask quietly, “Can I help in any way?” At this point, they will probably say, “Oh, it’s just my ______(back/4-year-old/Dad in hospital, car problem).” So now ask gently, “What’s going on?” If they say they just want their space, and if you can honestly offer to listen at another time, say quietly, “Well, if you want talk later…” and now give them their space. Advice is completely unrequired in many situations, but your kindness will long be remembered and appreciated.
If someone begins to tell you all about their recent troubles, it is again not your personal mission to fix this person. Remembering that each person is precious, try to discern if the person just needs to vent. Do they just want to be heard, or do they want suggestions? If you can’t clearly tell, ask, “Do you want any ideas on that?” If they don’t want suggestions or help, just listen and then let them be.
Remember: each precious soul has a right to make choices along life’s path. So if you want better, closer, deeper relationships, treat others with true respect, listen, and be open to who they are. In focusing on others, you will reap lifetime rewards.
Next time: Natural allergy helps!
As you continue to Discover The Secret Energized You, push the possibilities. See how far the LifeTools can take you into energy, enthusiasm, and rejuvenation. You are now embarking on the most profound adventure: to Discover The Secret Energized You and redesign your life. Make the most of this adventure to make the most of your life! And that will be you, more and more Healthy Happy and Loving Lifesm!
Kebba Buckley Button is a stress/energy management expert, holistic healer, and award-winning author who celebrates life. She has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within: Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office. They are also available in Scottsdale, Arizona, at the Franciscan Renewal Center bookstore and at the bookstore at St. Barnabas on the Desert Episcopal Church. Or simply email us to order: email@example.com . Thank you!
Books by Kebba Buckley Button