UpBeat Living: Quick! Say A Proper Goodbye to 2013!

Tags

holiday stress, Kebba, New Year, New Year's Resolutions, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

UpBeat Living: Closing Out 2013

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Image by Microsoft

It’s the last day of the old year, 2013, and already people are wishing each other a Happy New Year.  TV networks have aired video summaries of the most colorful events of 2013.  This morning, Arizona time, as people watched those videos over breakfast, Sydney, Australia had already crossed into the New Year and celebrated with fireworks.  You have to watch those pesky time zones.

But wait!  Have you properly said “[G]oodbye” to 2013?  Before you launch into your New Year’s resolutions—and you know you will—how about first making your own summary list of all you accomplished or weathered or observed in the old year?  My husband held a great-granddaughter on his lap for the first time.  I finished the second edition of my newest book, Peace Within, and officiated an interfaith prayer service in a Catholic Church (think about it—I’ll wait) for International Day of Peace in September.  A new Pope was elected, an Italian-speaking Hispanic, who embodies God’s love and goes by “Francis”, after St. Francis.  And CBS says Esquire Magazine has named the Pope Best-Dressed Man Of The Year!  For a Pope, he dresses simply, in white.

Why not make a list of all the frustrations and victories, disappointments and joys, that were there for you in this outgoing year?  Take a piece of paper, or a word processor document, or create lists in your phone.  Make 3 columns:  what I didn’t like, what I did like, and what happened in the World that affected me.  Take just 15 minutes, or more, if you realize it’s a powerful thing for you.  You’ll notice a lot of accomplishments.  Be proud.  Celebrate the good.  Toast to the wonders of the Old Year, and wait until midnight to ring in the New Year.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this blog?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition)( http://perfectboundmarketing.gostorego.com/authors/kebba-buckley-button.html)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Oh Christmas Tree!

Tags

Christmas tree stress, Effective living, fulfilled, HolidayStress, Kebba, stress, The life you want, UpBeat Living

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

A Tabletop Tree.
(c) 2013 Kebba Buckley Button

Do you love Christmas trees?  In the US, a passion to put a tree in the living room and decorate it is widespread. I know Christians, Jews, and Buddhists who love to get a tree and decorate it, then leave it up for a couple of weeks, at least.

At least as early as the 18^th Century, Germans and Scandinavians were decorating pine trees, outdoors or indoors, for the Christmas season. Straw and fabric ornaments, and lighted candles, gave way in recent decades to metal and glass ornaments, with strings of electric lights.  People now can choose between natural trees and artificial ones.  Artificial trees may look exactly natural or may look like spun metal. And the newest ones have branches that fold neatly as you slide it into its special bag for storage until next year.  There are trees taller than most living rooms and trees as small as the tabletop Nativity set.  Some families make an annual tradition of going to the tree lot or even to the National Forests, tree-cutting permit in hand.

If you haven’t yet settled on a tree for this year, consider a natural tree, to be recycled, or “treecycled”, or a reuseable manufactured tree.  If family members are allergic to pine fragrance, then the choice is clear:  artificial is best.  Get the tabletop size and you can just pop it into its box to store for next year.  Some come pre-lit and pre-decorated, so that’s much less holiday work and stress.

However, if you really love natural trees, get the freshest one you can, and set it up with a water container under it, to help the branches stay moist.  Decorate and enjoy.  And when you know it’s too dry to stay up, take all the ornaments and icicles off, and recycle it for mulch.  Call your Public Works Department, or put “Christmas Tree Recycling” in the search bar on your computer or your phone.  This year, the City of Phoenix offers this link, for pickups of Christmas trees:  phoenix.gov/publicworks/recycling/christmastreecycling.html‎.  Oh, and take your natural-pine wreath too.  Staff  run your tree through a huge shredder, creating mulch that is then used in parks.

If you got a natural tree in a container, certain types can be replanted by your Parks Department!  Wouldn’t it feel good to have your family’s memories, and your Christmas tree, go on to live in a park for many years?  Whatever you decide, it should bring you less stress and more joy.

Happiest holidays from UpBeat Living!  And this year, may there be Peace on Earth.

——————

● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this blog?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition)( http://perfectboundmarketing.gostorego.com/authors/kebba-buckley-button.html)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Finding Your Peace Within

Tags

at choice, Effective living, Feeling energized, happy, Kebba, peace within, stress, Stress Management, The life you want, UpBeat Living

If you are not feeling perfect peace within right now, read on.  If you are stressed, if you have any aches, pains, loss of concentration, or relationship damage from stress, read on.  If you ache for internal quietude, read on.

Peace Within, Second Edition. Photo by George Rocheleau.

Peacefulness comes from being balanced, from being clear about your beliefs, and from living in that clarity and in your connection with the Divine.  Peacefulness is supported by perfect health, whatever that means for you.

Peace within generates peace in your relationships and anywhere you go in your world.  It generates peaceful vibes that others can feel, and that they respond to.  So when you are peaceful inside your body, mind, heart, and spirit, you breed peace wherever you are.

People love a pleasant person and a pleasant experience. So a person who is quietly radiant with inner peace will be receiving positive, gentle and  enthusiastic connections with others.  Now what if everyone in the World were cultivating Peace Within?  Ghandi famously said, “[B]e the peace you want to see.”  That is the way this works.

——————————————–

● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this blog?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition)( http://perfectboundmarketing.gostorego.com/authors/kebba-buckley-button.html)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Don’t Wait to Exhale

Tags

Breathwork, Exhaling, peace within, stress, UpBeat Living

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

Today’s headline in The Arizona Republic, Phoenix’s main regional newspaper, riveted me.  It read, “BOSTON EXHALES.”  I was so riveted by the headline that I took a photo of it (here, to the left).  Everyone knows what this headline means.  It means the worst is over and Boston can now relax, with the first bombing suspect dead, and the second in hospital custody.

We have a number of expressions about breath, in this country.  We talk about “holding our breath” while waiting eagerly for something.  In a strong attraction, we may say, “[S]/he takes my breath away.”  After a big event, sometimes we say, “oh, now I can breathe easy, knowing it’s all taken care of.”  We sometimes talk about being “just a breath away” from some desired goal.  A Buddhist-oriented 12-Step program is called One Breath at a Time.

Many well-meaning people advise others who are stressed to “take a deep breath”.  A popular 1995 movie is called, Waiting to Exhale.  In that movie, the 4 main characters each reached points in life where they were now relieved that the suspense was over, and they were better able “to exhale”.  So during most of the movie, they were “waiting to exhale” as they were “up in the air” as to where their primary relationships were going.  And by the way, it was a great movie!

As a practitioner who teaches the power and practice of therapeutic breathing, I want to boldly suggest that you never wait to exhale!  You need to breathe, right?  So why not make your breath work well for you?  In a minute or so, your inhalation takes oxygen to your blood through the lungs, and the blood circulates the oxygen all around your body.  Carbon dioxide is picked up by the returning blood, and the process begins again.

At the bottoms of your lungs resides a build-up of residue from urban pollution.  So, while most people take only relatively shallow breaths, all can benefit from deeper breathing and expelling that residue.  To make more room for new air, exhaling is key.  Try this:  pick a note, and sing “haaaaaaaa…” out to the end of your breath.  You will know you have found the very end of your breath when you reflexively gasp as your inhalation.  Do this three times and then return to ignoring your breathing.  Notice how much better you feel.  You may feel a little “high” for a few minutes—that’s oxygen!  When you want to relax, don’t “take a breath”, have an exhale, and then inhale into the lungs that have made room for new air.

Do you want to live alert and energized?  Take charge of your breath.  See what happens.  And don’t wait to exhale!

 

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● If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column.  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a Master’s Degree scientist, a minister, and the award-winning author of  the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr), and also Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br).  She also has a natural healing and stress management practice and is a celebrated public speaker.

 

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Coping With AAAGH!

Tags

Dealing with stress, energy, exhaustion, Gratitude, inner peace, peace within, stress, Stress Management

 © 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Sometimes, you just have One of Those Days, right?  This morning, I had an appointment, then needed to prepare handouts and look great for a professional group meeting.  I felt pushed to get everything together on time, but by dropping the manicure, I did make the meeting on time with all my bits and pieces.  The meeting took surprising turns, yet, there was a lot of interest in my upcoming classes.  Someone even registered right away.  Toward the end of the meeting, my phone signaled silently that my neighbors were ready for me to come by; I took the call, dashing out of the meeting room to start talking.  I told them I could come by in about 45 minutes.  I gave thanks repeatedly, for the goodness of the meeting, and for the new registrant, all the way home.  The repetition of the Thank You was very calming.

Photo by Fotolia

At home, I changed into jeans and went to help the neighbors move.  They gifted me with a carload of garden pots and décor.  I was exhausted from lifting and carrying.  Heading back to my door, I saw the plumbing van.  Within a half hour, I was in full swing as Immediate Past President of the HOA, negotiating settlement of a sewer overflow issue, hiring remediation, planning a hotel for the resident, signing a contract.  I called my husband and asked if, by chance, he would like to go out for dinner?  I was too exhausted for stand and cook—although  I love my own cooking—and I still had writing to do in the evening.  We had a lovely quick dinner nearby, and we toasted to Us with margaritas.

Whew!  So when you have a really full day, loaded with changes, what can you do to manage your stress and not just SCREAM?

1.  Actually, screaming would be good, if you had a pillow and a bathroom to retreat to.  You can actually scream into a pillow and discharge a lot of stress.  Unless someone hears you.  They worry!
2. Keep alert for things you can drop.  I dropped the manicure and just quickly filed my nail tips.  That bought me 40 minutes that I dearly needed.
3. Have a long, slow exhale to the end of your breath.  Imagine any negative rolling right out of you, with your breath.  Then take several slow breaths.  This will shift your metabolism to alkaline, due to the new balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide, relaxing you within 60 seconds.  Cool, huh?
4. Wherever you are, roll those shoulders in a stretching movement, in any direction.  Notice the warmth in your feet?
5. If some of your stress is FEAR of something, gently massage your forefinger.  Notice how your fears seem less urgent.

Do any of these things, and you can beat that sensation of “crazy” on a busy day with a lot of changes.  And scream privately!  It helps.

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● If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column.  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a Master’s Degree scientist, a minister, and the award-winning author of  the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr), and also Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br).  She also has a natural healing and stress management practice and is a celebrated public speaker.

 

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: What’s Your Excuse?

Tags

at choice, choices, Effective living, energy, Excuse removal, Excuses, Kebba, late, Relationships, responsibility, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

Karen Gridley- The Excuse Removal Expert

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved

When you were a kid, you probably remember some other kid telling the teacher, “[T]he dog ate my homework!’  The kid’s excuse was the reason s/he gave for not having the homework done, or at least not having it to turn in.  The “excuse” was offered in the hope of being exempted from responsibility for the commitment, in this case, arriving with completed homework.  The kid was not taking responsibility.

A friend produces an e-newsletter every week, for a large group.  Between list maintenance and editing the event submittals every week, she spends an average of a half day a week on the e-newsletter.  She finishes the newsletter event section each week, when a particular entertainment event submittal comes in.  That event depends on newspaper event  listings, which come out early a particular day each week.  Recently, my friend received an email request, just as she was finishing sending the week’s e-newsletter.  The requester wanted her to send out an event announcement for a couple of days forward.  My friend e-replied that she had needed the event information by the night before, or at the latest, by 9 am that morning.  She said, the e-newsletter has already gone out for the week.  The Editor highlighted the section of the e-newsletter that gave the deadline.  The requester wrote again, asking if the Editor couldn’t make an exception just this one time; the Requester said she had been waiting for the entertainment listing to be determined, so she would not create a conflict with the entertainment event for the same date.  The Editor had received the entertainment event information  5 hours before the late request.  She chose not to waste her time and energy replying again.

The Editor was curious as to what the late requester was doing during the 5 hours between the time the entertainment event details were emailed to her and the time the requester emailed the Editor.  And why did the requester not dial the phone and ask the Editor to “hold the presses”?  The Editor’s phone number is conveniently listed in every week’s e-newsletter, as well as in the print newsletter, and on the group’s websites.  If  you think the late requester could have been more effective, then you understand that “waiting for the entertainment event details” was simply an excuse.

If you love making excuses, rather than taking responsibility for making things go the way you want, then you will love this website:  http://madtbone.tripod.com/, or, “The Mother of All Excuses Place”.  The site was inspired by a wealth of excuses people in a particular workplace offered, for not coming to work for the day.  The collection was so entertaining that it expanded to include sections for:  missing school and homework excuses, police or accident excuses, kids excuses, getting out of family events and holiday functions, breaking dates, doctor excuses, doctors note, missing church, wedding, diet excuses, why I ate that, debt excuses, tax excuses, not paying the rent, getting out of home repair excuses, unwanted house guest excuses, jury duty, defense excuses, not voting, no sex, miscellaneous excuses, excuses for becoming addicted to online slots, excuse related humor, and more.

Professional coach and speaker Karen Gridley is known as The Excuse Removal Expert^TM . Gridley takes a kind, yet no-nonsense approach to excuse-making.  She wants you to take responsibility and see life as what you are creating.  She says excuse makers collect excuses and talk a lot about how their outcomes are out of their control.  Whereas, she says, recovering excuse makers continue to examine how their own thoughts, beliefs, and actions (or non-actions) actually created their outcomes.  Gridley says those who give up making excuses experience freedom and empowerment.

Is there something that didn’t come out the way you would have liked?  What was your role in creating that situation?  Ask Karen Gridley and she’ll tell you to take responsibility, in order to reap the rewards.  Why?  Because, after all, it’s your life.

__________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Energy of Your Gates and Gateways

Tags

at choice, choices, Effective living, energy, friendships, fulfilled, goals, grateful, Gratitude, Kebba, Mental equivalents

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo from Travel-Spot.com

Where is the most beautiful gate you’ve ever seen?  Was it modern or ancient?  What was it made of?  Was it the gate to a home, or a hotel entry gate?  Was it a vintage City entry gate?  What purposes did it serve?  How did you feel as you gazed at that gate?  There are a number of ways in which gates can serve us.

Gates are used mainly for security, to impress, or to commemorate something.  Most gates are designed to filter something, such as entrance gates for movie theaters, or the gate to a yard.  Paris has one of the world’s most famous gates, the Arc de Triomphe, a commemorative monument to those who served and/or died in the defense of France, in the French Revolutionary War and the Napoleonic War.

The most distinctive gate I have ever seen is the Stargate from the movie and TV show of the same name.  An ornate circle of “nahquadah” perhaps 20 feet across, the Stargate filters people and other living beings who want to be transferred quickly between planets.  People jump into its circumference, and they are conveyed instantly.  When the Stargate is switched off, no one can come in through it.  It conveys the good guys and prevents the enemy from arriving.

Now consider the gate to your yard.  It allows you ingress and egress for people and packages, and it keeps out some people and dogs you might not want straying into your yard.  In Feng Shui, your gate has energetics, which vary by its placement and its appearance.  It is important to keep your gate in good repair, and to keep it lovely, if possible.  Look at the next two pictures, which show the pieces of an old gate and then the gate after repair.

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

Which gate would you rather have?  Which is more pleasing?  Which one has better energy?  Obviously, the “after” gate is more pleasing and has better energy.  That one will help energize your yard.  It will draw in great energy, perhaps vitality, great relationships, and prosperity.

One more level: what about your mental gateways?  How effectively do they protect your Inner Peace?  What are your mental gateways allowing in?  Are they welcoming vitality, great relationships, and prosperity?  Over time, you have learned to filter negative thoughts and not allow negative people to disturb your mental/emotional/spiritual peace. No doubt you are always learning better how to do this.  So on the flip side, what are you attracting?  Would you like to learn a simple exercise to attract more?

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

Today, design your Lifegate and install it in your mind.  Imagine a beautiful gate, perhaps surrounded by lush plantings, or attached to a lovely wall made of stone.  Make your gate of any material you like.  Look in magazines, in Google Images, and in photo calendars for ideas.  You can always adjust your gate later, in materials, height, width, thickness and color(s).  When you have settled on your intial Lifegate, sit quietly for a few minutes, twice per day, and picture the energies you want flowing into your life through your gateway.  Picture vitality entering.  Picture your vitality arriving, then your prosperity, then any other qualities or energies you would like to have flowing in.  Be in touch with your gratitude, which will strongly support the good conditions flowing in…and staying.  Call up the mental image of your Lifegate often, see it in vivid detail, and see the flow you want coming in through it.  See the gate shut to negativity and takers.

It’s your Lifegate.  You are in charge.  Maintain all the gates of your life for the Highest and Best.  What will give you the best energy and the most of the life you want?  It’s up to you.

______________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Grudges and Amish Grace

Tags

Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Radical forgiveness, Resentment, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had clearly declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, “Amish Grace”, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

In the modern program, Radical Forgiveness, author Colin Tipping says that ordinary forgiveness means, “You did that to me, but I’ll let you off the hook and forgive you.”

Tipping wants people to go a large step further.  He believes in a loving God who has plans for all of us, and that God makes things happen that are good for us.  So nothing is “bad”.  No wrong has occurred.  The Divine Plan has been unfolding for our spiritual growth.  For those who make the perspective shift that no wrong actually occurred, Tipping says, their emotional release can be virtually instant.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

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–Your comments welcome!–

 

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Your Mind’s Eye

Tags

choices, energy, Feeling energized, fulfilled, happy, Inner Mentor, Kebba, Mental equivalents, responsible, Stress Management, stuck, unstuck

© 2012, Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Whatever your belief system, it is crucial to hold the most positive thoughts and images in your mind.  Ernest Holmes (1887-1960), the founder of Science of Mind, described “The Law of Mental Equivalents”.  He said, basically, that what you hold in consciousness is what you will get in your reality.  This has been proven true in a number of fields, as your brain and body take instruction from your thoughts.

 

Do you ever wonder why some people always cheerfully achieve success, while others are down in mood and fail at many doorsteps of opportunity?  Success is very much in your mind.  Your mind takes instruction from your thoughts, and your nervous system acts them out.  Try this experiment.  If you have a friend who knows muscle testing, ask them to muscle-test you before and after you say the following phrases.  Otherwise, find a 10-pound object or a gallon bottle of liquid, and lift it before and after you say these phrases.  Ready?  Lift the object.  Notice how heavy or light it is for you at this moment.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a weak and unworthy person”.  Your nervous system takes this literally.  Now pick up the object again.  Notice how much heavier it is?  Now reverse the effect.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a vital, strong, valuable person.”  Pick up the object again.  Notice it has become lighter.  Now, always remember that your brain and nervous system are listening to everything you say.

 

Now consider the phenomenon that your brain and nervous system do not know the difference between a real situation of terrible conflict, like a nasty fight or an assault, and a portrayed situation, as in a TV show or movie.  In a good mood, go to a movie theater and see any of the currently popular end-of-the-human-race movies.  You know, machines are arising or attacking from space, and the situation is impossible.  Although not currently in theaters, Independence Day is a good example of this genre.  If you have a portable blood pressure monitor, by all means take your blood pressure before and after you see this movie.  At the end of this movie, you will feel very stressed, your adrenaline will be rushing, and your blood pressure will be up.  You may feel hyped up or exhausted, fearful or cranky, and easily startled.  Leaving the venue, you may be driving “with a heavy foot”.  Your brain and nervous system thought they were in a real war.  If you really want to take in movies like this, but you want less of a stressful effect on yourself, rent them, show them at home, and when you feel your stress building up, look at other objects in the room and think of puppies and babies.  Notice your whole bodymind system shifting when you shift your attention.  Truly, you choose what stress and negativity you feed your mind and body.

 

Now consider an apparently mundane example.  Today may be a really hot, humid summer day where you are.  It may be so hot that you would prefer not to be out in that weather, but to zip efficiently from your air-conditioned home to your air-conditioned car to your air-conditioned office.  That’s a healthy strategy.  However, we all know people who, on this kind of day, must chant out loud, “Boy is it hot!  It is so sticky!  It’s hard to do anything on such a hot day!  Aren’t you hot?  How can you wear that (bolero sweater/long pants/closed shoes)?  Aren’t you miserable?  It’s just miserable!”  What reaction do you think that person’s bodymind system is having to this chanting?  That’s right: the person feels hotter and hotter.  And if you listen and/or repeat their comments, silently or to others, you will feel hotter!  Do not dismiss this as “just psychological”.  The sensations are real, and you have a right to live the best and most comfortable life you can construct for yourself.  So have several cheerful rejoinders to the heat-chanters ready when they start in.  The one I use most is (delivered in a light and cheery voice), “Yes!  You know, it’s almost like Phoenix in the summertime!”  Then I quickly leave the area so the chanter can’t argue.  Do not get sucked into anyone’s negativity!  You will pay for the indulgence with fatigue and an unclear mind.  If you are a person of faith, remember God wants you to use your creativity to make the most of your life and your gifts.

 

Do you want to live your best life now?  Good!  Then notice negative programming, make notes, and work toward creating the best brain, body, and lifestyle you can.  It’s up to you.

 

________________________________________________________________

 –Your comments welcome!–

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com.

UpBeat Living: Top Tips for Retorts

Tags

Anger, choices, energy, exhausted, fatigue, friendships, Insults, Nasty people, Negativity, Retorts, stress, Upset

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

This column focuses on assisting people in getting the most joy and satisfaction out of life, even improved health and less aging.  One of the main ways to leverage life from what you have to what you want is to stop managing stress sources and manage your energy instead.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  How to deal with them is the subject of some columns here and a number of books.  Knowing exactly what to say to them is an art.  To respond quickly and effectively to difficult and nasty comments is an important skill set.   If you are one of those people with a fast wit, who always has a funny quip to break the  tension, great!  However, if not, and if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired in these situations, here are some top tips to use for retorts.

Tip #1.  For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and increase their approaches.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This is hurting your health, your stomach lining, and your blood pressure.  This in turn erodes the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarges your heart.  Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for your energy management?  Perhaps simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.

Tip #2.   To respond to a quick verbal assault, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then walk away with a pleasant smile still on your face.

Tip #3.  If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment.  If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction and they will try again.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.

Tip #4.  If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your true cheer taking over. Why not go for it?

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— Comments welcome!–

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .