UpBeat Living: Reblog from Joanne Deck: Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

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at choice, choices, finding love, Kebba, lifestyle, Love, Mental equivalents, Relationships, romantic love, romantic relationship, waiting for sex

Joanne Deck, CWC

This blog was written by Joanne Deck, posted June 29th, 2012. Posted in Blog, Sane Sex for Singles, http://www.joannedeck.com/blog/just-because-you-can-doesn’t-mean-you-should/

Joanne Deck is the award-winning author of Worth Waiting For:  Sane Sex For Singles.  Joanne is a wellness coach who totally walks her talk.

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The sexual freedom presented in the movies and on television today has many people unsure how to behave.  I saw evidence of this when I was dating, and this phrase frequently came to mind: just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  Freedom doesn’t only mean the right to say “yes”; it also includes the opportunity to say “no thank you” or “not right now.”

I love the idea of freedom.  It angers me to think that when the pill was introduced in the 1960s, physicians tried to keep it from women because they thought it gave them too much freedom.  Thankfully their attempts to confine women were unsuccessful, and the pill turned 52 on May 9 of this year!

While the pill gave women more freedom, it also gave them more responsibility.  They could no longer blame fear of pregnancy as the reason to say “no.”  Women had to own their feelings and claim the right to control, protect, and honor their bodies.  In a sense, that’s what sane sex is all about.  To postpone physical intimacy until emotional intimacy develops places a high value on our bodies, acknowledging that they are a treasure and not to be shared freely or thoughtlessly.

This Independence Day I encourage you to recognize and celebrate all the forms of freedom you enjoy, including sexual freedom.  While we’re at it, we can and should take a moment to be grateful to all those who paved the way so that we can enjoy being free to choose today.

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UpBeat Living: Which Puppy is for You?

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choices, finding love, Kebba, Love, Mental equivalents, puppies, Relationships, sharing love, The life you want, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved

When you think of puppies, what do you feel?  Does your face break out in a huge, soft smile?  Does your whole body relax with joy?  When you pick up a puppy, how do you feel?  Do you feel love?

There is an iconic story, author unknown, of a farmer who had some puppies he needed to sell.  One version goes as follows:

The farmer painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.  “Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”  “Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then, reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.  “I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called.  Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly, the mother dog, followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.  Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward
the others, doing its best to catch up.

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said,
“Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his
trousers.  In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made
shoe.  Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone
who understands.”

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.  Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.  “How much?” asked the little boy.

“No charge,” answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”

This story speaks to one of the most primal instincts we have:  to love and to be loved by someone who understands us.  The puppy with uneven legs represents unconditional love.  He also is a being that the little boy can pour out love to.  The puppy will be receptive to being loved affectionately and will be expressing his love with warmth and affection.  Think of the different personalities, enthusiasm, and receptivity of the different balls of fur rolling out of the doghouse.  So, what are you looking for in friends and in loving relationships?  Which puppy would be for you?  Where does your love want to go?

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UpBeat Living: What’s It Take for a Wedding?

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choices, finding love, fulfilled, grateful, Love, Marriage, romantic love, Wedding

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved

Photo by Ron Button

When you think of a wedding, what images come to mind?  Do you think of a church, or a country club lawn?   Would there be pews or rows of chairs filled with well-dressed people, and a bride in a formal white gown?  Do you picture many flower arrangements, men in matched suits, organ music or a string quartet, and an officiant in robes?  Is a series of pre-parties something you expect, such as a bridal shower, a bachelorette night, and a bachelor party or weekend?

Perhaps Kim Kardashian comes to mind, with a very high-end wedding, very expensive clothes, and the most expensive wedding registry gifts known publically in decades.  A friend tells of her ex-husband paying for such a regal wedding, including a custom wedding gown that cost $15,000.  When Prince Charles married Lady Diana Spencer at Westminster Abbey, Diana’s gown was very full with a train requiring attendants, and the coach carrying the couple away from the church was part of a parade through London.  When British royals marry, a subculture of souvenir production flourishes: every object from pencils to plates to teapots is emblazoned with the couple’s official photo and sold as mementos.  Of course, at this level of public attention, everything is televised.

Perhaps you’re thinking of something simpler.  Do you think of Julia Roberts marrying Lyle Lovett on the beach, barefoot, in flowing, gauzy clothing?  Do you remember hippies in communes, wearing flowing cotton clothing and affirming their love without even a marriage license, then serving a vegetarian feast?  As a minister who officiates weddings, I have seen both complex and elegantly simple wedding plans.

In the 1980’s, a couple made arrangements to have their wedding in the Grand Canyon.  Yes, actually in the Canyon.  The bride spent many weeks having a special bridal gown/costume made, with both riding pants and a detachable skirt.  The couple reserved mules to carry the wedding party down to Indian Garden, where the ceremony was performed.  Attendees were expected to wait for the ceremony time and listen by radio at the corral on the South Rim, or to hike to the ceremony and return to the Rim.  The wedding party went on to lodgings at the bottom of the Canyon.

I worked with one couple who wanted a small formal wedding in their lovely home.  They wanted only a small gathering of mainly family members.  We refined the ceremony and set a date.  They got their license and ordered their wedding rings.  Two weeks before the ceremony, a family tragedy took place, and the couple let me know it would not work to have the wedding for some time.  A few weeks later, I had the strange intuition to put on makeup in the morning, although I was only taking the car for emissions inspection.  While stuck in a long line of cars, I got a call from my couple, saying they just really wanted to get married.  They asked what I was doing right now.  I told them my car and I were stuck in line, but I would call as soon as I emerged.  The couple said, “Good!  Then we’ll pick up the rings!”  We met at the jewelry store and discovered a lovely landscape area for the ceremony.  I performed a short, off-the-cuff ceremony with all the key elements, and the jewelers were delighted to serve as witnesses.  The couple in love was married.  Much later, the bride told me how happy and peaceful she and her husband were together.  She told me her daughter’s wedding had cost $30,000 (in 1990 dollars), and that marriage had lasted 6 months.  Financial investment does not guarantee marriage longevity.  Note that years later, Kim Kardashian’s ultra-expensive wedding led into a marriage that lasted 72 days.

Yesterday, I received a call asking me to officiate a wedding for a very gracious young couple I know.  They wanted to be married today.  They were ready with a license and relatives in town, for a very small wedding in their condo.  I knew they were completely committed to each other.  So why not?  I packed my ministerial robe, a ceremony program, and a CD player with wedding music, and off I went.  Today the couple in love are married (see photo above).

What’s it take to make a wedding?  Besides the officiant and the license, only the elements you want.  Shape the wedding to your own personalities and desires.  And may your wedding be your very own style of launch for the joy-filled marriage of your dreams.

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● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .