The Stress of Stuck

Tags

Inner Critic, Inner Mentor, Kebba Buckley Button, stuck, stuck and stressed, the stress of stuck, UpBeat Living

© 2016  Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M. World Rights Reserved.  http://www.kebba.com      

                                        

Don’t you hate feeling “stuck”? Maybe you can’t think of which thing to do next, or you’re blocked on a task you know you need to be on.  On a daily or hourly basis, when you feel stuck, you may have trouble starting that 4-hour project or even that 30-minute exercise session.   You are in the Stress of Stuck!

To get unstuck, experts recommend we gather all the right props around us, to help us feel ready and organized for each task.  In addition to the tools and equipment, a mug of a favorite herbal tea, a coffee drink, a water, or a particular soda, may help us feel ready to accelerate into that task.  While I can’t find the research basis yet, many people tell me that starting to eat a handful of M&Ms™ somehow gets them in gear to start grading those papers.  For my clients who can, I recommend running in place for 2 minutes.  This accelerates blood flow and relaxes the shoulder muscles, which releases typical tightening of the neck muscles, thus releasing correct blood flow to the brain and energy within the brain.  This makes the task seem easier and go faster.  Try this before a task you normally dislike, like leaving for work or cleaning the kitchen.  If you can’t run in place, try gently rolling and stretching your shoulders for 2 full minutes.

So, on a larger scale, what holds us back from jumping into new experience?  What keeps us from stepping up to our greatness in new levels?  Is it simply fear?

Recently, I became aware of the concept of Inner Critic, a powerful psyche function that inhibits action.  In a therapy context of Internal Family Systems, the Inner Critic is the dimension of a person’s consciousness that says “you’re not good enough” or “you shouldn’t try that, because you’re not up to it.”  According to Bay Area therapist Bonnie Weiss, the Inner Critic is trying to protect you from embarrassment, failure, and other dynamics, so it should be viewed as your friend.  The Inner Critic is trying to help you live well.  However, by holding you back, the Inner Critic can create the very thing it is trying to prevent: your failure.

Celebrated author Robert Kyosaki has said,

It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life.  It’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power.

The Inner Critic stands against your Inner Mentor, who is wise and helps you make adult decisions.  The trick is to get to know your inner parts, especially your Inner Mentor, and get them cooperating with each other.  If your Inner Critic is keeping you from walking up to an opportunity and introducing yourself, try this simplified technique:  stretch each leg and each arm briefly, exhale, inhale, and notice the challenge seems more interesting and less intimidating.   Repeat.  Over the longer term, Weiss says, we should also cultivate practices that develop our sense of self, such as journaling, meditation, inviting in witness consciousness, and yoga.

What do you want to step up to in your day or your life?  Why not step up now?  So roll your shoulders, shoulder up, and shoulder on.  Claim your life.  That’s Upbeat Living!

__________________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office.  Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .

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Instant Help for Feeling Stuck and Stressed

Tags

Effective living, Kebba Buckley Button, Stale, stress, Stress Management, stressed, stuck, stuck and stressed, The life you want, UpBeat Living

© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo and Poster © 2015 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.

 

This is for you stressed-out professionals who feel even more stressed because you’re stuck right now!  Do you have the Blahs?  Are you feeling dull, flat, uninspired?  Are you completely stale?  Is this a day when not only can you not write/do/say anything brilliant, but you can’t even think what your clients would be interested in? This may have been subtly creeping up on you off and on for months.  But right now, it’s really keeping you from being the producer and the inspiration you need to be. It’s official:  you are stuck!  You need a fresh start.  You need Upbeat Living.

So… wait!  There’s both hope and help, without the cost of calling a psychiatrist or the risk of calling Mom.  She might blast you.  And whining to friends isn’t the answer either.  We can wear out friendships with this kind of prattle, without shifting our stuckness at all.

Instant Help

If you are on a deadline or need to see a client in the next couple of hours, use these super Emergency Boosts for the Stuck and Stressed, all within 10 minutes:

1. Roll your shoulders in every possible direction, in a slow and stretching way, for 2 minutes. It’s the stretch, not the getting there, that’s important.
2. Run in place for 2 minutes, or take your shoes off and do any other wildly active flailing about that will get your blood going, for 2 minutes. Watch a clock.  No cheating.
3. Set up your work area as though you are about to have a terrific writing/client session and…
4. Drink a double espresso drink or strong black or green tea.
5. Produce.

The first two steps open up tight muscles and constricted blood flow from tight muscles, resulting in better oxygen supply to the brain within 30 seconds.  Step 3 sets you up with a success context.  Another article will cover this in more detail.  Step 4 provides you with digestive stimulation, which wakes up the brain, together with massive antioxidant flow, which enables the brain.  In Step 5, the rubber hits the road.

The Main Reason You’re Stuck and Stressed

And what if you’re not in a stuck-and-stressed emergency?  If you’re not on a tight deadline and don’t have to meet with a client shortly, here’s the bigger picture: you can– and you need to– get some fresh new input in your life and overall routine.  There are 2 main causes for this.  First, maybe you’re thinking, “[W]ell, my last client session/chapter wasn’t that hot.”  So actually, you’re stuck in worry that you’re not good enough and your work is not good enough.

You need to let go of old thoughts and self-judgement.  No one is more qualified to do exactly what you do than you are. Now consider that you are currently the best You that you have ever been.  The Universe has unique plans for each of us, and each of us is uniquely qualified for our particular journey.

The Other Reason You’re Stale and Stressed

The second reason your sense of life has gone stale is simply that you need to mix it up!  A pipe can’t deliver water unless there is water flowing in.  If you dam up a stream, it dries up.  So if your thoughtstream or your heartstream are dry, the dam needs to let new thoughts and feelings flow in and through.  The quickest way to do this may be to shift your scene, even for a couple of hours.  Take a microvacation to the Botanical Garden or the Zoo, camera in hand. Or see an indy movie.  Have lunch on the patio of a new café afterward.  As you take in the new sights, smells, sounds, and activities of these places and experiences, journal out (into the Notes section of your phone, if you like) your new thoughts and feelings.  Take more photos, even videos.  Now there’s new flow in your thoughtstream and heartstream. Now schedule in time to make bigger trips, see new people, do new arts, and have new adventures.  Sign up with a coach;  book a retreat, a trip to the beach, a few days at a cabin with hiking.  Go somewhere you’ve never been.  Just the planning can refresh your thoughtstream.  And the New Thing doesn’t have to be expensive to be rejuvenating.

It’s Spring, and this is the perfect time to freshen up your life and your work.  This is your new moment, your new day, and as in the Peters quote above, there has never been another one like it. In your newness, there can be perpetual astonishment.  Allow it.  Journal about it.  Court it.  Be it. The freshness is yours.  Enjoy your fresh start!  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

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Energy – Peace – Meditation

• If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column! You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma! Due  to a recent FB change, our “likes” look low.  Thanks for your help!

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert and award-winning author.  She also is an ordained minister and has a natural healing practice. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), and Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition. Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. Either Peace Within or Sacred Meditation are available through her office.  Just call, or email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.    
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Spring Forth From “Stuck”

Tags

Fear, Inner Critic, stress, Stress Management, stuck, UpBeat Living

© 2014  Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M.  World Rights Reserved.

iStock.com

Feeling stuck, in small ways or large?  Here are practical ways to get unstuck!

On a daily or hourly basis, when we feel “stuck”, we may have trouble starting that 4-hour project or even that 30-minute exercise session.   Experts recommend we gather all the right props around us, to help us feel ready and organized for each task.  In addition, a mug of a favorite herbal tea, a coffee drink, a water, or a particular soda, may help us feel ready to accelerate into that task.  While I can’t find the research basis yet, many people tell me that starting to eat a handful of M&Ms™ somehow gets them in gear to start grading those papers.  For my clients who can, I recommend running in place for 2 minutes.  This accelerates blood flow and relaxes the shoulder muscles, which releases typical tightening of the neck muscles, thus releasing correct blood flow to the brain and energy within the brain.  This makes the task seem easier and go faster.  Try this before a task you normally dislike, like leaving for work or cleaning the kitchen.  If you can’t run in place, try gently rolling and stretching your shoulders for 2 full minutes.

So, on a larger scale, what holds us back from jumping into new experience?  What keeps us from stepping up to our greatness in new levels?  Is it simply fear?

Consider the concept of the  “Inner Critic”, or “IC”, for a powerful psyche function that inhibits action.  In a therapy context called “Internal Family Systems”, or “IFS”, the IC is the dimension of a person’s consciousness that says “you’re not good enough” or “you shouldn’t try that, because you’re not up to it.”  According to Bay Area therapist Bonnie Weiss, an IFS expert, the IC is trying to protect you from embarrassment, failure, and other dynamics, so it should be viewed as your friend.  The IC is trying to help you live well.  However, by holding you back, the IC can create the very thing it is trying to prevent: your failure.  The IC stands against your “Inner Mentor”, or “IM”, who is wise and helps you make adult decisions.  The trick is to get to know your inner parts, especially your IM, and get them cooperating with each other.  If your IC is keeping you from walking up to an opportunity and introducing yourself, try this simplified technique:  stretch each leg and each arm briefly, exhale, inhale, and notice the challenge seems more interesting and less intimidating.   Repeat.  Over the longer term, Weiss says, we should also cultivate practices that develop our sense of self, such as journaling, meditation, inviting in witness consciousness, and yoga.

What do you want to step up to in your life?  Why not step up now?  So roll your shoulders, shoulder up, and shoulder on.  Claim your life.

__________________________________________________________________

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: What’s Your Excuse?

Tags

at choice, choices, Effective living, energy, Excuse removal, Excuses, Kebba, late, Relationships, responsibility, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

Karen Gridley- The Excuse Removal Expert

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved

When you were a kid, you probably remember some other kid telling the teacher, “[T]he dog ate my homework!’  The kid’s excuse was the reason s/he gave for not having the homework done, or at least not having it to turn in.  The “excuse” was offered in the hope of being exempted from responsibility for the commitment, in this case, arriving with completed homework.  The kid was not taking responsibility.

A friend produces an e-newsletter every week, for a large group.  Between list maintenance and editing the event submittals every week, she spends an average of a half day a week on the e-newsletter.  She finishes the newsletter event section each week, when a particular entertainment event submittal comes in.  That event depends on newspaper event  listings, which come out early a particular day each week.  Recently, my friend received an email request, just as she was finishing sending the week’s e-newsletter.  The requester wanted her to send out an event announcement for a couple of days forward.  My friend e-replied that she had needed the event information by the night before, or at the latest, by 9 am that morning.  She said, the e-newsletter has already gone out for the week.  The Editor highlighted the section of the e-newsletter that gave the deadline.  The requester wrote again, asking if the Editor couldn’t make an exception just this one time; the Requester said she had been waiting for the entertainment listing to be determined, so she would not create a conflict with the entertainment event for the same date.  The Editor had received the entertainment event information  5 hours before the late request.  She chose not to waste her time and energy replying again.

The Editor was curious as to what the late requester was doing during the 5 hours between the time the entertainment event details were emailed to her and the time the requester emailed the Editor.  And why did the requester not dial the phone and ask the Editor to “hold the presses”?  The Editor’s phone number is conveniently listed in every week’s e-newsletter, as well as in the print newsletter, and on the group’s websites.  If  you think the late requester could have been more effective, then you understand that “waiting for the entertainment event details” was simply an excuse.

If you love making excuses, rather than taking responsibility for making things go the way you want, then you will love this website:  http://madtbone.tripod.com/, or, “The Mother of All Excuses Place”.  The site was inspired by a wealth of excuses people in a particular workplace offered, for not coming to work for the day.  The collection was so entertaining that it expanded to include sections for:  missing school and homework excuses, police or accident excuses, kids excuses, getting out of family events and holiday functions, breaking dates, doctor excuses, doctors note, missing church, wedding, diet excuses, why I ate that, debt excuses, tax excuses, not paying the rent, getting out of home repair excuses, unwanted house guest excuses, jury duty, defense excuses, not voting, no sex, miscellaneous excuses, excuses for becoming addicted to online slots, excuse related humor, and more.

Professional coach and speaker Karen Gridley is known as The Excuse Removal Expert^TM . Gridley takes a kind, yet no-nonsense approach to excuse-making.  She wants you to take responsibility and see life as what you are creating.  She says excuse makers collect excuses and talk a lot about how their outcomes are out of their control.  Whereas, she says, recovering excuse makers continue to examine how their own thoughts, beliefs, and actions (or non-actions) actually created their outcomes.  Gridley says those who give up making excuses experience freedom and empowerment.

Is there something that didn’t come out the way you would have liked?  What was your role in creating that situation?  Ask Karen Gridley and she’ll tell you to take responsibility, in order to reap the rewards.  Why?  Because, after all, it’s your life.

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● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Grudges and Amish Grace

Tags

Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Radical forgiveness, Resentment, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had clearly declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, “Amish Grace”, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

In the modern program, Radical Forgiveness, author Colin Tipping says that ordinary forgiveness means, “You did that to me, but I’ll let you off the hook and forgive you.”

Tipping wants people to go a large step further.  He believes in a loving God who has plans for all of us, and that God makes things happen that are good for us.  So nothing is “bad”.  No wrong has occurred.  The Divine Plan has been unfolding for our spiritual growth.  For those who make the perspective shift that no wrong actually occurred, Tipping says, their emotional release can be virtually instant.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

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–Your comments welcome!–

 

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Your Mind’s Eye

Tags

choices, energy, Feeling energized, fulfilled, happy, Inner Mentor, Kebba, Mental equivalents, responsible, Stress Management, stuck, unstuck

© 2012, Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Whatever your belief system, it is crucial to hold the most positive thoughts and images in your mind.  Ernest Holmes (1887-1960), the founder of Science of Mind, described “The Law of Mental Equivalents”.  He said, basically, that what you hold in consciousness is what you will get in your reality.  This has been proven true in a number of fields, as your brain and body take instruction from your thoughts.

 

Do you ever wonder why some people always cheerfully achieve success, while others are down in mood and fail at many doorsteps of opportunity?  Success is very much in your mind.  Your mind takes instruction from your thoughts, and your nervous system acts them out.  Try this experiment.  If you have a friend who knows muscle testing, ask them to muscle-test you before and after you say the following phrases.  Otherwise, find a 10-pound object or a gallon bottle of liquid, and lift it before and after you say these phrases.  Ready?  Lift the object.  Notice how heavy or light it is for you at this moment.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a weak and unworthy person”.  Your nervous system takes this literally.  Now pick up the object again.  Notice how much heavier it is?  Now reverse the effect.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a vital, strong, valuable person.”  Pick up the object again.  Notice it has become lighter.  Now, always remember that your brain and nervous system are listening to everything you say.

 

Now consider the phenomenon that your brain and nervous system do not know the difference between a real situation of terrible conflict, like a nasty fight or an assault, and a portrayed situation, as in a TV show or movie.  In a good mood, go to a movie theater and see any of the currently popular end-of-the-human-race movies.  You know, machines are arising or attacking from space, and the situation is impossible.  Although not currently in theaters, Independence Day is a good example of this genre.  If you have a portable blood pressure monitor, by all means take your blood pressure before and after you see this movie.  At the end of this movie, you will feel very stressed, your adrenaline will be rushing, and your blood pressure will be up.  You may feel hyped up or exhausted, fearful or cranky, and easily startled.  Leaving the venue, you may be driving “with a heavy foot”.  Your brain and nervous system thought they were in a real war.  If you really want to take in movies like this, but you want less of a stressful effect on yourself, rent them, show them at home, and when you feel your stress building up, look at other objects in the room and think of puppies and babies.  Notice your whole bodymind system shifting when you shift your attention.  Truly, you choose what stress and negativity you feed your mind and body.

 

Now consider an apparently mundane example.  Today may be a really hot, humid summer day where you are.  It may be so hot that you would prefer not to be out in that weather, but to zip efficiently from your air-conditioned home to your air-conditioned car to your air-conditioned office.  That’s a healthy strategy.  However, we all know people who, on this kind of day, must chant out loud, “Boy is it hot!  It is so sticky!  It’s hard to do anything on such a hot day!  Aren’t you hot?  How can you wear that (bolero sweater/long pants/closed shoes)?  Aren’t you miserable?  It’s just miserable!”  What reaction do you think that person’s bodymind system is having to this chanting?  That’s right: the person feels hotter and hotter.  And if you listen and/or repeat their comments, silently or to others, you will feel hotter!  Do not dismiss this as “just psychological”.  The sensations are real, and you have a right to live the best and most comfortable life you can construct for yourself.  So have several cheerful rejoinders to the heat-chanters ready when they start in.  The one I use most is (delivered in a light and cheery voice), “Yes!  You know, it’s almost like Phoenix in the summertime!”  Then I quickly leave the area so the chanter can’t argue.  Do not get sucked into anyone’s negativity!  You will pay for the indulgence with fatigue and an unclear mind.  If you are a person of faith, remember God wants you to use your creativity to make the most of your life and your gifts.

 

Do you want to live your best life now?  Good!  Then notice negative programming, make notes, and work toward creating the best brain, body, and lifestyle you can.  It’s up to you.

 

________________________________________________________________

 –Your comments welcome!–

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com.

UpBeat Living: Tips on Closet and Cabinet Control

Tags

energy, fatigue, Feeling energized, happy, less stuff, Organizing, stuck, Stuff, unstuck

© 2011 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

What if you came home to a lovely, relaxing, energizing and refreshing space?  Wouldn’t your home life be more enjoyable?  What if your office looked clean, neat, modern, and airy?  What if all your closets and cabinets looked organized and sharp, and worked that well?  As part of getting control of your Stuff, here are easy tips for conquering crowded closets and cabinets.

First, decide what really belongs in your closets/cabinets.  Files go in file cabinets.  Office supplies need their own area.  Clothing goes in clothing closets and drawers.  And indoor home improvement tools go in hallway closets and usually one kitchen drawer.  If you are storing lawn tools or potting soil inside, move them to an outside storage space.  If you are storing paint, properly dispose of any paint more than 3 years old, or dried-up paints.  Donate old linens to a shelter.  Cluster all the lightbulbs together.  Donate duplicate tools and discard dry glue and old tape of all types.  Put batteries in a cool cabinet or in clear plastic bags in the refrigerator.  Get clear plastic boxes the same width as your closet shelves, and store and label everything that can fit into the boxes.   The clear boxes speed up finding anything.  Get a $20 office labelmaker that makes white labels; you’ll be surprised at how readable the labels are.  Now you have retrievability.

For your file cabinets, keep it simple.  Remember that most of your bank account records and charge account records are now online.  You do not have to keep paper copies of many things you had to keep years ago.  Forget color coding and simply label each file.  Make a file for “Tax”, for any records that may bear on this year’s taxes.  Have a file for “to be filed”, and go through it every 2 days.  Shred anything you no longer need.

For your clothing closets, pause and  imagine you could quickly glance over your collection and select an outfit.  Imagine all the pieces and accessories were clean, in good repair, a great fit, and easy to retrieve.  You can get to that stage in about one afternoon!  Ready to play?  Then pull out every item in the closet, one at a time.  Each piece has to go in one of 3 piles:  “Love it”, “would love it if cleaned/repaired”, or “don’t love it”.  All the “don’t love it” clothes, shoes, and accessories now go into bags and directly to your car for donating.  For the “would love if…” group, use your labeler or masking tape and marking pen to label each piece with what it needs.  If you can hand wash it or repair it, set it in an area of the laundry room to be done in the next two days.  If it needs dry cleaning or a tailor’s attention, bag it and take it directly to your car to go to the dry cleaner/tailor today.  If some shoes need repair, are they really too old now?  If not… straight to the car and to your shoe repair shop today.  The “love it” items can now go back in the closet, unless you want to quickly use some of that extra paint to do the inside of the closet.  Now decide if your hats need to be on hooks on the wall, or in hat boxes on the upper shelf.  Purse collections can go in larger clear plastic boxes (visibility of contents saves time) on an upper shelf, and shoes in clear plastic shoe boxes, stacked as high as you like.  If you only have a few pairs of shoes, you may want to keep the clear shoe boxes on the floor of the closet, or use a floor shoe rack big enough for all of the shoes.  Shoe lovers can find over-the-door hanging shoe caddies or vertical caddies that hang from the closet rod.  Scarf lovers, get a special hanger that has a dozen holes in it, and thread the scarves through it.  No more hunting for the right scarf, now.

Now, your closets and cabinets are much easier to navigate.  File access, home repairs or getting dressed should now be far easier and take less time.  You’ve just eliminated a lot of stress and given yourself some time and freedom, which means more energy!  How can you take these tips and techniques into your workplace?  Are you closer to the life you want?  Post your results and comments!

UpBeat Living: Less Stuff

Tags

energy, fatigue, Feeling energized, fulfilled, happy, less stuff, Organizing, stress, Stress Management, stuck, Stuff

© 2011  Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Do you crave to feel lighter?  Do you think of fresh air, blooming plants, new life, new starts?  Do you think of feeling carefree and lighthearted?  So, what if you felt that great in your home or office environment all the time?

Get a piece of paper and pen, or your favorite electronic list maker, and start a list of the areas you love or don’t love in your environment.  Make 2 columns and record what you notice in the Love and Don‘t Love areas.  Are the areas you love airy, clean, lovely, organized?  Is it easy to find what you need, quickly?  Now what about the areas you don’t love?  Might these include the back room with the boxes and other odd storage?  Or the closet in which it’s hard to find your favorite pants?  Or the backed-up filing system with nearby unfiled stacks?  Note how you would like the don’t-love areas to be different.

Many people have too much Stuff, in their closets, in their filing system, and on their flat surfaces.  If you feel crowded, you have too much Stuff.  If your rooms feel small, short of relocating, you have too much Stuff.  If you can’t find the files you want, you are trying to keep too many files.  Do you ever think of a document you would like to have in hand, and you know you own it somewhere, but you don’t even know what box it’s in?  Then you have too much Stuff.  The fact is that, if you can’t retrieve it, it’s the same as not having it!  So what’s the difference between having 20 boxes in storage or in your closet, from which you can retrieve nothing, and just not having those boxes?  Right now, those boxes are just sucking up your space and your energy, as well as possibly looking embarrassing.  It’s shocking to face this bit of reality, isn’t it?  So resolve now to reduce your Stuff.

Now stop whining.  You know you’ll feel better as the outdated and useless Stuff leaves.  Your job is to take a box, file, or area at a time, and divide everything into 4 piles: trash, recycle, donate, and keep.  Keep a high-speed shredder in your work area, and shred private material without stacking it.  Start with the idea of reducing the Stuff in each area by half.  Use the Magic Motivator to eliminate procrastination:  Set a timer for 45 minutes at a time and force yourself to stop for 15 minutes– break time and reward time!  Not being allowed to do more than 45 minutes of sorting at a time reverses the usual resistance to choosing to work on this project.  For papers to keep, scan what you can and file them in the computer.  Your bills and bank records are all online, so you need to keep almost none of these.  Try for one or two 45-minute spurts a day, or more, for one month.  Notice how free you begin to feel!

Next time: Closet and Clothing Control.

UpBeat Living: Credit Card Stress

Tags

credit, energy, fatigue, Feeling energized, stress, Stress Management, stuck

© 2011 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

In the late 1970’s, the major concerns of credit card users were simply interest rates, on-time payment, and potential wallet theft.  New dimensions of credit/debit card use are creating situations that cause customers frustration and worry coupled with extra costs and risks.  In this area of stress management, the best approach is to practice “living well is the best revenge”.

Today’s credit- and debit-card users need to be very observant.  New rules for their credit card agreements can be issued often, simply declaring new terms and higher rates; continued use of the card commits the user to the new terms.  Payments often must be made by the morning of the “due date”, due to cutoffs as early as 4 pm EST.  Payments with a Saturday “due date” can be considered late, even if paid in cash at a branch office, if not paid by the morning of the day prior, since Saturday may not be a “business day”.   “Late” payments actually made on the due date or prior can be reported to credit scoring agencies and reduce the customer’s credit score.  At one time, weekend “due dates” defaulted to the following business day.  Now due dates that are on nonbusiness days are not true due dates, but “late” dates.

In restaurants, formerly, the patron’s biggest card concern was simply making sure to get the card back after the transaction.  Today, it is necessary to be sure the credit card never leaves the patron’s line of sight, since the card number and code may be hand copied or swiped through a cloning device as small as a modest sandwich.  Credit card processing companies have self-serving policies to help them hold funds.  When a charge is run, the restaurant doesn’t get the funds for 3 to 5 days.  When a credit or debit mistake is made and voided, the customer’s account may show the mistaken charge as “reserved” for up to a week, even though the void-charge action was run within minutes of the initial mistaken charge.  Since the credit card processing company is the entity holding the funds, there is little the restaurant or your credit card bank can do to move the refund into your account.  This week, a restaurant charged my entire party’s dinners to my debit card, and the funds are still being held, 4 days later, although the void was processed 5 minutes later and within the same batch.  My company’s merchant credit card processor agreement says they may take up to 5 days to refund a charge reversal.  As a merchant, I am searching for a card processing company with a different policy.  I’m not optimistic.

Walking down the street, with a credit card in pocket or purse, a person can have their credit card number captured by an electronic “snatcher”, held by a passer-by.  Recently, a major “secure” customer data management company reported the “loss” (i.e., copying) of a million confidential customer email addresses.  I received notices from several banks and a few department stores, with which I have accounts,  that this regrettable incident had occurred.  What is next—the theft of a million account numbers?

Keeping all these considerations in mind, you may be thinking you should close a few accounts.  Oh no!  If you close any, your credit score will dip.  This, in turn, will cause some of your interest rates to rise, as well as your insurance rates.  So how should you handle these concerns and stresses?  I recommend getting the banks and cons back, by living well and wisely. Especially if some or all of these facts make you angry, truly, “living well is the best revenge.”  Just get out of the game, without hurting yourself:  pay off the cards, track your accounts regularly, carry only one or two cards if any, and use them almost never.  Show the credit card processing companies and the banks your true regard, by denying them the income from deceptive practices.  Limit the profits of identity thieves by keeping your data to yourself.  Get the total satisfaction of knowing you are doing the best for yourself.  Now, smile whenever you think of it.

UpBeat Living: Do Upset and Rage Help?

Tags

Anger, Charlie Sheen, choices, energy, exhausted, fatigue, Feeling energized, Rage, stress, stuck

(c) 2010 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

If you had “upset” a vase full of flowers, what would that look like?  It might look like the vase was now on its side, or smashed on the ground, with the flowers and water all over.  Would it help the vase, the flowers, or the water, to be “upset”?  Maybe your cat knocked the vase over, probably without intending to.  Every element would now be in disarray, none fulfilling its purpose or providing any joy.  There is no benefit in the vase being “upset”.

The same is true of humans.  We have a choice as to whether something will “upset” us, or turn us on our side.  Would you be upset if a cat knocked over your vase of flowers?  Would you be less upset if the cat were your favorite, the vase generic, and the flowers from someone you detested?  What if you learned, right after the vase was smashed, that the flowers were a rare, expensive type, sent by a dear loved one who you just learned had gone into hospice this morning?  Would you feel more grief over the same scene?  The scene would be the same, but your interpretation would be different.  You would choose a different type and level of response, based on your ideas about the same scene.  What would be the most effective way to respond?  Calmly and quickly?

Celebrity news is great for illustrating basics of living, at a dramatic level.  This morning we read that Charlie Sheen went into a rage and trashed a hotel room 2 mornings ago.  The damage, including a broken chandelier, is said by USAToday.com to have been about $7000.  And why was this successful actor so upset that he was actually in a rage, tearing up his hotel room at the Plaza in New York?  Police called to the scene said he was having trouble finding his wallet and cellphone after spending time with a professional purveyor of sexual pleasure.  His response was to rip apart various things in the room.

Did he really think the chandelier was hiding his wallet and cellphone, thus deserving to be punched out?  Famous for spending time with, um, purveyors, did he not yet have a procedure to protect himself?  Does he not always leave the cash in the bedside table and tuck his wallet and phone in the lining of his suitcase, or in the room safe?  He was at choice when he hired the, um, purveyor.  He was at choice when he put his objects wherever in the room.  He was at choice getting drunk or taking drugs.  He was at choice when he realized his objects were in no obvious location.  He was at choice when he went into a rage and chose to tear up hotel property.  He would also have been at choice, had he quietly called hotel security to assist him, his cel company to turn off his phone, and the, um, purveyor’s provider to report the issue.

Charlie Sheen’s choices resulted in police being called and Charlie owing the hotel thousands of dollars.  In addition, he is seen again as a person who has no control, or rather, a person who makes lousy choices that work for no one.  And the worst effect?  His ex-wife and their two daughters were staying in the same hotel.  While Charlie was choosing his behaviors, was he considering what his daughters would think of him?  You decide.  You choose.