Healthy Happy Loving Life: Can You Forgive Someone’s Hate?

Tags

Forgiveness, Forgiving, Forgiving someone's hate, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, The life you want, UpBeat Living

© 2022 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved. http://www.kebba.com

Can you forgive someone’s hate?  About ten years ago, I had the joy of attending a retreat with (the now late) Fr. William Meninger.  A Trappist monk of St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, MA, he was one of the most inspirational teachers of my life.  I had studied with Fr. William before, in a weekend retreat on The Process of Forgiveness (image below, photo by Barbara Hamilton).  This more recent workshop was called, Seeing With the Eyes of the Heart.  I was praying for a heart-opening through this retreat day, and I got it.

The actual program was structured around understandings of contemplative prayer, a form of Christian meditation.  It was not a forgiveness workshop.  Yet, from this program, I got a huge key for forgiving hate.  Fr. William believed, as I do, that God loves everyone.  Everyone.  Absolutely everyone.  God loves us when we’re dirty, when we’re sobbing, and when we’ve made terrible wrong turns.  God loves us when we are overweight, when we waste food, and when we hurt others.

Fr. William talked about his feelings about the 911 disaster.  He said God told him to forgive.  He told God, “I will, but I need time to hate them first.”  It took him about a year to move into forgiveness.  Here is the key.  As Fr. William says, “Each person you can’t stand is beloved of God!”  And how can you hold resentment against someone God loves?

The late Fr. Thomas Keating, also a Trappist monk of St. Joseph’s Abbey, essentially gave life and shape to the modern contemplative prayer movement.  He has said,

There is nowhere you can go to find God, and there is nowhere you can go to escape Him.

We cannot be separate from God, and neither can those who destroy 4000 lives at once.  In a sense, we cannot be separate from the 911 pilots.  Each of them was beloved of God.  We cannot be separate from the mass shooters or police-who-killed of recent years.  Each of them was also beloved of God.

So we must declare a new day. We must choose to forgive, even if that’s hard, and even if it takes some time.  We must choose to live without the heavy burden of unforgiveness.  As Mother Teresa has said,

Yesterday has gone.  Tomorrow has not yet come.  We have only today.  Let us begin.

Will you try to unload the heavy burden of unforgiveness?  Will you try to begin?  It’s your life.

And that’s Upbeat Spiritual Living^sm.

And that also will be you, ever more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert, holistic healer, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   They are also available in Scottsdale, Arizona, at the Franciscan Renewal Center bookstore and at the bookstore at St. Barnabas on the Desert Episcopal Church. Or simply email us to order:  kebba@kebba.com .  Thank you!

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Revealing Your True Nature in the Worst Times

Tags

Amish Grace, Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Resentment, responsible, Revealing your true nature, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they revealed their true nature: forgiveness.  They forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had revealed its true character, values, and nature.  It had declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, Amish Grace, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

What do the worst times reveal about your nature?  Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish Grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight. Now you’re in the realm of Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm!

———————————————

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She also has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Upbeat Living: Lighten Up With Forgiveness

Tags

Feeling energized, Forgiveness, Kebba Buckley Button, stress, The life you want, UpBeat Living

© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

In Upbeat Living^sm, we take the heaviness out of life and accentuate ways to move forward with a light heart.  That gives us the most energy, optimism, and vitality, for living the life we want.  The secret?  The top tool for lightening up is forgiveness.

Why forgive?  Think of the people who deliberately hurt you.  Feel your body tighten up?  Now think of the people who ripped you off or treated you unfairly, from whatever period of your life.  Feel yourself becoming tight and dense, even heavy?  Now think of your ex or of people you dated who behaved outrageously.  Perhaps they embarrassed you, were mean or unfair.  Got the picture?  Holding onto hurt feels bad!  And the more committed you are to holding onto hurt and resentment, the more deeply that will embody and turn into illness and other physical ills.

So the reason to forgive is to release those feelings—for yourself!  Yes, YOU are the reason to forgive.   An old expression says, “Forgive and forget!”  But that’s half the picture.  It’s important not to forget that some people are dedicated takers and some are dedicated to hurting whoever they can.   However, while forgiveness doesn’t change the past, it changes the future!

Do your best now to remember the facts but release the feelings. You deserve to live the best life you can.  Lighten up with forgiveness! And now you’re in Upbeat Living.

———————————————————–

• If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column! You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma! Due to a recent FB change, our “likes” look low.  Thanks for your help!

Energy – Peace – Meditation

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office.  Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .

Forgiveness Stress: When to Forgive Yourself

Tags

Forgiveness, forgiveness stress, Kebba Buckley Button, living in the now, releasing the past, stress, UpBeat Living

©2015  Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Do you have Forgiveness Stress? That’s when you feel a lot of internal pressure because of resentment of things that happened in the past. Even yesterday. Even this morning. Someone did something wrong to you. You didn’t get that raise but a jerk did. A job didn’t work out. A driver was rude and cut you off in traffic. A friend, or someone you thought was a friend, betrayed you. Mom always loved your brother better. The big box store stopped carrying your favorite snack the last 6 months; maybe they’ll have it again, depending on the supplier. You asked a simple question in the produce department and the clerk snapped at you like you did something wrong. Someone attacked you.

 

A lot of unfair things happen in life.  A lot of us get dealt unfair hands, or it seems so. A major key to dealing with all these things is to forgive them: both the individuals and the situations. I have written columns and chapters in my books about the importance of forgiveness and how to work that process. Forgiving will lighten your heart and leave you free to live right now. After all, we can only live in the immediate present moment! Think about it: can you even go back to this morning and handle a situation better? No. Can you go a couple of days ahead and handle something better? No. You can only live in the NOW with an eye to the future you are creating, or cocreating with the Divine, if you are a person of faith.

 

Holding onto sadness or resentment for unfair things and hurtful things only keeps you firmly gripping stress, living in a soup of negativity. We all need to learn to forgive—but not to forget how we got into negative situations. Sometimes, for example, we think a person humiliated us in public. We are still hurt and angry 20 years later. However, looking back from the perspective of twenty years, we may realize that if we had made different choices, that person could not have embarrassed us. Our own behavior made it possible. If we had been better prepared for that meeting, the sequence would have been completely different. In this example, the core of this memory is actually shame.

 

This can be hard to face: sometimes we behaved in an inadequate way, bad stuff happened, and we need to forgive ourselves for our part in it. If you’re thinking of an example from your own life, then start working on forgiving yourself right now. Consider journaling about it. You will never let go of that bad memory and end its power over you until you deal with your Forgiveness Stress! Bless and release the You of the past, and just do your best now. Your life is waiting.

_____________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition. Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. Both that book and Peace Within are available through her office. Just email books@kebba.com.
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com.

 

Forgiving Makes You Powerful

Tags

Amish, Anger, Forgiveness, Grudges, Kebba, peace within, Resentment, stress

©2015  Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

 

© Yuri Zap – Fotolia

Think, for a minute, of someone you resent, because they did something hurtful to you. Notice how angry, tight, tired, and toxic you feel when you think of them? What about when you think of violence, like recent U.S. shootings between police and Black urbanites?

 

One of the highest and best things we can do, for ourselves and our loved ones, is to forgive. A bad divorce, a child who died young, a random shooting at a market, a loud neighbor—the list is endless. Some of us are carrying huge emotional burdens, due to past bad memories or perhaps current situations. Many hurts go on between relatives, friends, and communities. However, sometimes people manage to forgive, and the whole community is empowered. Allow yourself to be touched by the courageous forgiveness in this powerful true story.

 

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school. It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania. A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself. Five of the girls died. This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge. They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights. They could have sued their way around the court system. They did no such thing.

 

 

“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison, hoping the other person will die.”

~ The Dalai Lama

 

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man. One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss. Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children. Later, they took the widow toys for her children. Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation. They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family. They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

© teracreonte – Fotolia

 

“One of the secrets of a long and happy life is to forgive everybody everything before you go to bed each night.”

~ Bernard Baruch

 

 

Roberts’ widow came to the school dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings. The community had clearly declared a healing. A movie version of the story, Amish Grace, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network. The movie is still available. Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

 

How would you have reacted if someone shot your child at his/her school? The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is. A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”

 

“Forgive us our wrongs as we forgive those who have wronged us.”

~ Jesus, on how to pray, Matthew 6:12

 

And research suggests resentment causes major stress for your mind and your cardiovascular system. Forgiveness can bring you peace within. If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

 

Are you holding any grudges? Would you like to feel better? Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

 

_____________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Forgiveness Part 2: Forgiveness for Empowerment

Tags

allergy relief, Amish, at choice, Dr. Eileen Borris, forgive, Forgiveness, Grudges, moving on, peace, peace within, Peacemaking, personal peace, stress, The Dalai Lama, UpBeat Living

© 2014  Kebba Buckley Button,  MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Dr. Eileen Borris

In Forgiveness Part 1  (http://wp.me/pw4HM-jI), we talked about how important it is to your own health and wellbeing, to forgive.  The extraordinary forgiveness of an Amish community showed how humans can choose to follow their faith, forgive murders, extend compassion to the family of the murderer, and move on in constructive ways.  This time, we consider the work of an international reconciliation expert and how we can choose to be affected by her work.

 

Dr. Eileen Borris (www.globalpeaceinitiatives.com) can teach you what you need to know about finding forgiveness.  She has been teaching forgiveness and reconciliation around the world for the Institute for Multi-Track  Diplomacy (Washington, DC), the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) and the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM).  The last time I saw her she had just returned from giving workshops in Kuwait.  She was about to go to Rwanda, for the Healing Wounds of History Conference.  Wherever she goes, Dr. Borris transforms.

 

It is possible to realize that the past is past, that continuing to feel anger and hatred serves no purpose.

~ The Dalai Lama

 

In her book, Finding Forgiveness, the Foreword is offered by none other than His Holiness, The Dalai Lama.  His Holiness points out that: “When we become angry, we stop being compassionate, loving, generous, forgiving, tolerant, and patient altogether.  We deprive ourselves of the very things that happiness consists of…it is possible to realize that the past is past, that continuing to feel anger and hatred serves no purpose.”

 

Dr. Borris’s core methodology involves 7 steps:  becoming clear, telling your story, working with anger, working with guilt, reframing the situation, absorbing pain, and gaining inner peace.  She does not ask you to deny the wrong that occurred.  She does not ask you to forget it.  She does not ask you to not-seek appropriate justice where a crime has occurred.  What she does do is expose the complexities of forgiveness and invite you to work this process, ultimately setting yourself free.

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM

 

Why do we need to forgive?  The final purpose for the individual is empowerment.  You  are at choice at all times.  When you forgive, you get back your power over whoever made you their victim.  Dr. Borris makes the point that animals do not hate.  Hatred requires conceptual thought.  But humans are able to hold thoughts of hate and vengeance lifelong.  How much energy does this steal from a person’s upbeat living lifestyle, joy, health, and productivity?

 

Try this for a moment:  bring to mind some terrible personal injustice that was done to you, which you have had trouble forgetting.  Perhaps someone attacked you.  Perhaps a boss treated you badly or even fired you unfairly.  Perhaps Mom always loved your sibling better.  Perhaps someone badmouthed you, telling tales that were totally unfounded.  Bring this injustice to mind and feel vividly the stress and emotions that come with it.  Did your heart hurt or your back tighten up between the shoulder blades?  Did your shoulder tops tighten painfully?  How about your neck, your head, or your stomach?  Do these sensations feel like they are blessing or enhancing your beingness in any way?  Of course not.  So what has the toll on your mind, heart, body, and spirit been, in the months or years since the injustice occurred?  Is that toll enriching your life in any way?  Of course not.

 

 Whatever your faith basis, does it make sense to hang onto any burden you do not need to hang onto?

~ Rev. Kebba Buckley Button

 

If you would like to challenge yourself, try the following exercise.  Get a pen and paper, and make notes of your thoughts and experiences as you do this.  Imagine your life if the injustice had never occurred.  What hours would you have spent enjoying life and your loved ones?  Would your marriage be better?  What friendships might you have developed, based on sharing happiness and companionship, that you did not because of the injustice?  How well would you have slept?  What excellent health would you have had all this time?  How much better would your concentration have been, on the job or in fulfilling recreation or charity work?  Would you have earned more money?  So what if you could have forgiven this injustice early in the game, and not spent any of this time on distraction, negativity, complaining, and generally experiencing a burden?  These may be tough questions for many of us.

 

Whatever your faith basis, does it make sense to hang onto any burden you do not need to hang onto?  You are always at choice.  What is your willingness to possibly hang up self-burdening beliefs about the importance of an injustice to you?  If these questions are provocative for you, why not pursue them further?  Your journey can be very freeing.

 

Now imagine living in a community where everyone is compassionate, everyone forgives and there is no impulse for revenge.  Now imagine that in the World community.  Countries would be waging peace, not war.  Imagine.

 

Some resources for further reading and techniques include:  Bruderhof Forgiveness Guide (www.foregivenessguide.org), A Course In Miracles (acim.org), Forgiveness Foundation (forgivenessfoundation.org), and the Forgiveness Project (forgivenessproject.com).

_____________________________________________________________

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Forgiveness Part 1: Grudges and Amish Grace

Tags

Amish, Amish community, Charles Roberts, Colin Tipping, forgive, Forgiveness, grudge, Kebba Buckley Button, Resentment, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living, West Nickel Mines School

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

 

© Delmas Lehman – Fotolia

This is the first of two articles on forgiveness:  how important it is and how we can get there.

 

One of the highest and best things we can do, for ourselves and our loved ones, is to forgive.  “Forgive what?” you may be thinking.  Most of us are carrying resentments that weigh on us to some degree.  A bad divorce, a child who died young, a random shooting at a market, a loud neighbor—the list is endless.  Some of us are carrying huge emotional burdens, due to past bad memories or perhaps current situations.  Many hurts go on between relatives, friends, and communities.  Allow yourself to be touched by the courageous forgiveness in this powerful true story.

 

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

 

 Holding a grudge is like drinking poison, hoping the other person will die.

~ The Dalai Lama

 

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

 

One of the secrets of a long and happy life is to forgive everybody everything before you go to bed each night.

~  Bernard Baruch

 

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had clearly declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, Amish Grace, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  The movie is still available.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

 

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So in this view, one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

 

Forgive us our wrongs as we forgive those who have wronged us.

~ Jesus, on how to pray, Matthew 6:12

 

In a modern program, Radical Forgiveness, author Colin Tipping says that ordinary forgiveness means, “You did that to me, but I’ll let you off the hook and forgive you.”

Tipping wants people to go a large step further.  He believes in a loving God who has plans for all of us, and that God makes things happen that are good for us.  So nothing is “bad”.  No wrong has occurred.  The Divine Plan has been unfolding for our spiritual growth.  For those who make the perspective shift that no wrong actually occurred, Tipping says, their emotional release can be virtually instant.

 

Whatever your belief system, realize that forgiveness commonly takes years.  And  research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

 

Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

_____________________________________________________________

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Getting Past the Past

Tags

Forgiveness, get past the past, NOW moment

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Fotolia

Whatever your belief system, UpBeat Living stands for your greatest health, fulfillment, happiness and success.  UpBeat Living advocates doing what you can to support yourself in living your best possible life, starting now.  One element of that best possible life is understanding that you can only live in the one moment—the “now” moment.

Go ahead—try to live yesterday.  I’ll wait.

Over it?  Great!  Or are you?  How many times this week have you thought of a terrible thing that was done to you in a past job?  How often do you think of past relationships and wish someone had treated you differently, or that you had treated someone differently?  Today alone, what mistakes have you made in your job performance, that you thought of today and winced over?  How many times this month have you thought of not having the childhood you wanted or the parents you wanted?  All these things are actually living in the past.  When you keep playing the mental videos from the past, you do two things that limit you:  (1) you rehearse and relive the past, thus reinforcing your sense of wrong and unworth, and (2) you keep yourself from living in your NOW moment, thus moving on.  Make sense?

Especially if you need a new direction, how will you choose that and move into it, if you are stuck in the past and not even actively living your present?  You must let go of the past!  Resolve to practice catching yourself and gently turning your attention back to the present, with an eye to the future you are creating.

If you are a person of faith, practice turning your attention back to the future you are co-creating with the Divine.  Consider this line from Paul in Phillipians 3:13 (NIV)

 “…One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.”

Practice forgiving, blessing and releasing, and even finding gifts in the lessons of the past.  Try praying for those who have wronged you, wishing them all the best—and God knows what the best is.  And practice letting go, so you can get into your NOW.  God has plans for you!  Will you be there to participate in those plans?  Or will you be stuck in your past?

Step toward your future now, by pulling yourself into your NOW moment, and truly living there.  Get past your past to have the life you were meant to have.

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● If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column.  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a Master’s Degree scientist, a minister, and the award-winning author of  the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr), and also Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br).  She also has a natural healing and stress management practice and is a celebrated public speaker.

 

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UpBeat Living: Forgive to be Powerful

Tags

Anger, choices, exhausted, fatigue, Fear, Feeling energized, Forgiveness, Forgiving, fulfilled, healing, overcoming fear

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Dr. Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris can teach you what you need to know about finding forgiveness.  She has been teaching forgiveness and reconciliation around the world for the Institute for Multi-Track  Diplomacy (Washington, DC), the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) and the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM).  The last time I saw her she had just returned from giving workshops in Kuwait.  Shortly, she is off to Rwanda, for the Healing Wounds of History Conference.  Wherever she goes, Dr. Borris transforms.

In her book, Finding Forgiveness, the Foreword is offered by none other than His Holiness, The Dalai Lama.  His Holiness points out that: “When we become angry, we stop being compassionate, loving, generous, forgiving, tolerant, and patient altogether.  We deprive ourselves of the very things that happiness consists of…it is possible to realize that the past is past, that continuing to feel anger and hatred serves no purpose.”

Dr. Borris’s core methodology involves 7 steps:  becoming clear, telling your story, working with anger, working with guilt, reframing the situation, absorbing pain, and gaining inner peace.  She does not ask you to deny the wrong that occurred.  She does not ask you to forget it.  She does not ask you to not-seek appropriate justice where a crime has occurred.  What she does do is expose the complexities of forgiveness and invite you to work this process, ultimately setting yourself free.

Why do we need to forgive?  The final purpose for the individual is empowerment.  You  are at choice at all times.  When you forgive, you get back your power over whoever made you their victim.  Dr. Borris makes the point that animals do not hate.  Hatred requires conceptual thought.  But humans are able to hold thoughts of hate and vengeance lifelong.  How much energy does this steal from a person’s general lifestyle, joy, health, and productivity?

Try this for a moment:  bring to mind some terrible personal injustice that was done to you, which you have had trouble forgetting.  Perhaps someone attacked you.  Perhaps a boss treated you badly or even fired you unfairly.  Perhaps Mom always loved your sibling better.  Perhaps someone badmouthed you, telling tales that were totally unfounded.  Bring this injustice to mind and feel vividly the emotions that come with it.  Did your heart hurt or your back tighten up between the shoulder blades?  Did your shoulder tops tighten painfully?  How about your neck, your head, or your stomach?  Do these sensations feel like they are blessing or enhancing your beingness in any way?  Of course not.  So what has the toll on your mind, heart, body, and spirit been, in the months or years since the injustice occurred?  Is that toll enriching your life in any way?  Of course not.

If you would like to challenge yourself, try the following  exercise.  Get a pen and paper, and make notes of your thoughts and experiences as you do this.  Imagine your life if the injustice had never occurred.  What hours would you have spent enjoying life and your loved ones?  Would your marriage be better?  What friendships might you have developed, based on sharing happiness and companionship, that you did not because of the injustice?  How well would you have slept?  What excellent health would you have had all this time?  How much better would your concentration have been, on the job or in fulfilling recreation or charity work?  Would you have earned more money?  So what if you could have forgiven this injustice early in the game, and not spent any of this time on distraction, negativity, complaining, and generally experiencing a burden?  These may be tough questions for many of us.

Whatever your faith basis, does it make sense to hang onto any burden you do not need to hang onto?  You are always at choice.  What is your willingness to possibly hang up self-burdening beliefs about the importance of an injustice to you?  If these questions are provocative for you, why not pursue them further?  Your journey can be very freeing.

Now imagine living in a community where everyone is compassionate, everyone forgives and there is no impulse for revenge.  Now imagine that in the World community.  Countries would be waging peace, not war.  Imagine.

Some resources for further reading and techniques include:  Bruderhof Forgiveness Guide (www.foregivenessguide.org), A Course In Miracles (acim.org), Forgiveness Foundation (forgivenessfoundation.org), and the Forgiveness Project (forgivenessproject.com).

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● Your comments welcome!

 ● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Revealing Your True Nature in Worst Times

Tags

Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Radical forgiveness, Resentment, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had clearly declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, “Amish Grace”, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

In the modern program, Radical Forgiveness, author Colin Tipping says that ordinary forgiveness means, “You did that to me, but I’ll let you off the hook and forgive you.”

Tipping wants people to go a large step further.  He believes in a loving God who has plans for all of us, and that God makes things happen that are good for us.  So nothing is “bad”.  No wrong has occurred.  The Divine Plan has been unfolding for our spiritual growth.  For those who make the perspective shift that no wrong actually occurred, Tipping says, their emotional release can be virtually instant.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

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–Your comments welcome!–

 

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .