Healthy Happy Loving Life: From a Heavy Heart to Happiness

Tags

Best Life Template, difficult people, Feng Shui Garden, healing, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, stress, Stress Management, The life you want, your best life

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Shutterstock

Today I’m sharing a personal process that has taken a lot of work.  I left childhood with a heavy heart.  But  I wanted to feel happy.  In college days, I observed other people who seemed light-hearted and was amazed.  How did they do it?

In mid-college, I was struck by a flying object and got a traumatic brain injury, which actually affected me for years.  Ouch!  I pushed forward with my education and grad school.  I was working as an engineering manager when, at age 26, my joints began to burn.  I thought, oh well, Mom had arthritis from age 27, so like her, I’ll be taking anti-inflammatories the rest of my life.  No big deal.  Wrong!  Within a year, I was burning from head to toe.  And stiff.  It was difficult to move if I didn’t exercise at least an hour a day.  I knew if I didn’t beat this thing somehow, I would be in a wheelchair by age 40.  No marriage, no kids.  A grim vision.

So I began to interview anyone who had terrible pain.  They were grateful.  Someone was actually interested in their observations!  I tried everything they said worked, and I researched holistic solutions.  Within 8 years, I had dissolved the horrible burning condition. I knew life is rich with opportunities to make choices.  I was now more interested in natural pain solutions than in engineering, so I moved professionally into holistic and energy healing.

Decades later, my heart is no longer heavy.  I have a thriving practice as a holistic guide and energy therapist, plus hundreds of articles online, a Best Life Template, three books, and other products to help people.  I am married to my soulmate and have many friends.  I am somewhat known for my photography, especially of our Feng Shui Garden.  I also paint.  My husband and I live in a charming home near a park, and we enjoy our quiet life.  My brain–so badly injured in college days– works better than it ever has– clearly and with a fantastic memory.

I live in gratitude and joy and satisfaction.  Because of my experiences, I believe that people can make choices to move from a heavy heart to a joyful one, from a challenged body system to a thriving one, from pain to comfort.  Perhaps this very short story of my life will inspire something in some corner of yours.  And may you spend as much time as you can, in being Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm !  See you there!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Your Best Life Template

Tags

Best Life Template, difficult people, healing, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, stress, Stress Management, The life you want, your best life

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

© stokkete – Fotolia

Is it possible that most people live in enough pain–physical, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual–  that they don’t actually get to a place of enjoying their lives?  As a holistic living guide, my goals are to relieve as much pain and instigate as much joy as I can, during my lifetime. For those who have joy, I help them remember to be in it, and for those who don’t have joy, I teach them how to find it and take it to heart. For those with pain, I can shift it energetically, and I can also teach self-helps for those who want to run with solutions.  And my solutions are probably not the ones you are expecting.

In travelling life’s pathways, there comes a pivot moment, when health is balanced, all pain is relieved and the person is staring out across the vast expanse of possibilities.  They are wondering what is next. And that is when the opportunity comes to embrace the next level, to put their arms around life, and to live in what I call: Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm ! And that is what I wish for you.

So today, I am sharing a Best Life Template. This framework evolved from working with many hundreds of people in various kinds of pain.  Beginning to feel I was saying the same things to many of my clients, I began writing articles, and then a book, sharing my system.  The book, titled Discover The Secret Energized You, is all about how to trade in your stress for energy and then vault beyond pain, stress, and coping. The book’s subtitle is, Life is an experiment!  What tools will you use? 

There are 4 basic steps in the Best Life Template:

First, recognize you are feeding your stress, pain, and fatigue, and STOP.  Some steps you can incorporate:

• Learn to use the word “stress” as focus, and start focusing on what’s best for you personally.
• Start thinking of what increases your body’s master hormone, DHEA, and choose some of those activities.
• Get past old models of stress management.  Stress doesn’t just happen, like weather. Choose what “stress” you will start dissolving first.  Make a list and start on it now.

Second, start managing your energy, not your stress.

• You will never change anything outside yourself. [Yes, you can invite people to change, but they generally won’t.]  But you are always at choice with your reactions.  So start looking within instead of at the “causes” of your stress and fatigue.
• Find your personal peace, and make it your emotional landing spot of Peace Within.  Journal about what disturbs your peace, and start working on your view of those things.  When you are upset, return to your Peace Within and draw strength from it.

Third, build your energy and joy.

Photo by Shutterstock

• Start steering away from stress foods and steering toward vitality foods. Eat for great digestion and maximum antioxidants.  Discard popular myths like “coffee is bad for you” and embrace the latest medical research for a clear brain and immune system.
• Learn to leverage such tools as breathwork, gratitude, a don’t-want-do-want list, thanking yourself, fresh internal scripts, embracing your true nature, and handling difficult people energetically.  Learn to manage your moods with energy balancing and finger holds no one will see. Learn to release anger safely and positively.
• Shift into deeper gratitude for everything, the “good” and the “bad”.  Notice your joy increasing and spreading around the clock.
• Start noticing your vitality rising like never before.

Fourth, Rise Higher.

• Consider higher tools, like accepting change and changing with it.
• Learn forgiveness and practice it often.
• Allow yourself to connect with the Divine.  Journal out your experiences and feelings.  Keep all your journaling in one place.
• Carpe Diem!  Seize the day.  Don’t wait to try something next week.  Notice what interests you most in this Best Life Template, print it if you like, and change something up every day. Notice your questions, and search for the answers. Check off the items you feel you have mastered. Journal along the way.

Notice your life changing by degrees, your health and happiness increasing. And any solutions you get, inspired by this program, will put you more fully into the realm of being Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm !  Enjoy!

——————————————–

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: A Fresh Approach to Dealing With Difficult People (Video)

Tags

difficult people, healing, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, stress, Stress Management, The life you want

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Today, I’ve been asked to share any topic using only video.  Most of the stress most of my clients experience is due to dealing with difficult people.  So recently, I put together a new program on energy-based ways to deal with difficult people.  Above, you should be able to click on the image and view the program.  It is almost 45 minutes long.  So if you don’t have that much time, fast forward to portions that interest you the most.

So any solutions you get, inspired by this program, will put you more fully into the realm of being Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm !  Enjoy!

——————————————–

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She also has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Argument Stress: How to End It!

Tags

Argument Stress, conflict, difficult people, Kebba Buckley Button, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

© WavebreakmediaMicro – Fotolia

Ever find yourself in a conversation that suddenly became a tense mess, and there you were, suddenly in Argument Stress? They said something that stung you, and you said something to try to de-sting things, and they took your attempt as contempt and another sting? But then, they said, YOU started it with that stinging comment you made, before they said that thing that stung you. So who started it?

Well hands up, anyone who hates being in one of these sudden mixups! Hands up, anyone who hates unpleasantness! These conversations hurt! And who did start it, anyway? You think they started it with the sting that hurt you, but they think you started it with the sting you didn’t intend as a sting, which made them reply from hurt, with the sting you thought they started it with. All clear now??

As a stress management expert, my goal is to help people switch into a positive living model I call Upbeat Living. In this way of living, we use positive tools to move out of negative thoughts and situations. We accumulate less stress, get sick less, get promoted faster in business, and have increasingly good health and energy.

Often, you can’t even tell how it started, or who started it, but it’s important to bring it down and clear it, when possible. In business, these arguments or mixups can be very damaging. Here’s an example of an incident that happened to a friend, “Susan”.

Susan was at Friday happy hour, with a dozen friendly colleagues.  Of course, it was not possible to hear every word everyone said.  After all, it was happy hour. Susan heard one colleague, “Fran”, say with a giggle, “[mmpht mmpht] because I’m Mexican!” But Fran had an Anglo surname.  Thinking Fran might have a Mexican parent or grandparent, Susan leaned toward Fran and asked pleasantly something like, “Fran, did you just say you were ‘Mexican’?”  Uh oh!  In Arizona, it’s not always “good” to be “Mexican”, especially if an Anglo-looking person is asking about you.  And Susan is Anglo.

Fran cocked her head to the side and stiffened.  Several colleagues leaned forward and attacked Susan, accusing her of calling Fran “Mexican”.  My friend was in deep trouble, now accused of being openly racist.  My friend kept saying, “Fran called herself ‘Mexican’—I’m just asking her about it.”  Fortunately for Susan, the group had already been drinking for awhile, and they soon got bored of accusing her and just let the “argument” drop.  Susan will never know how much social damage was done by the mistaken impression that she was somehow belittling a woman for “being Mexican”, when the woman had described herself that way.  It would have been impossible to clarify things any better than Susan did. She kept it simple, stayed pleasant and smiling, and repeated her explanation calmly. But Fran clearly felt attacked or confronted.  Certainly, Susan certainly felt attacked, and unfairly so.  So who started this tension?  Who was responsible for the damage being done to Susan?  Fran was cool to Susan for the next couple of years that they worked together.

I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing. 

~ Buddy Hackett

© Willee Cole – Fotolia

 

Sometimes a conversation starts to go wrong, and it’s impossible to tell how it started.   When Argument Stress happens, the most important thing is actually to give up trying to figure out who started it or how it developed.  Rather, it’s crucial to maintain your poise and your smile, and speak in a light and pleasant way. Keep your replies simple. If you can stay light and easygoing, people will often simply forget an accusatory or unpleasant conversation.  Strangely, if you let it go, they probably will also.  Don’t carry any grudges.

With focus on the light and the positive, you may be able to be the one who ends it.  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

_____________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert and award-winning author. She also is an ordained minister and has a natural healing practice. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br),and Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. Sacred Meditation and Peace Within are both available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
• Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com.

Stress From the Rude and Nasty? Top Tips to Handle It!

Tags

difficult people, Kebba Buckley Button, Nasty people, rude people, stress, UpBeat Living

© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.

 

Fotolia

 

 

 

 

This column is committed to helping you live with the most joy and satisfaction you can. Science and reason come together here, to give you the best ways to have the best life you can: best relationships, improved health and less aging. We call this Upbeat Living.

 

Unfortunately, we all get stress from dealing with the nasty and rude people from time to time. Here’s what you need to know:

• Difficult people are a very common source of stress. They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.
• And that is what they want! Some are insecure and trying to bring others down to their level.
• Some see your light shining and are jealous, so they want to dim your light, if they can.
• Some simply enjoy others’ pain, and they hope to hurt you, especially in front of others.
• Your best response is usually no response. And others will give YOU credit.

 

Be thankful for the difficult people. They have shown you

exactly who you don’t want to be.

~Unknown

 

Sometimes, God uses difficult people, like sandpaper,

to rub the rough edges off of us.

–Joel Osteen

 

1. If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, keep smiling. They gave you a gag award for talking too much? Here’s your strategy. With a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!” Then quietly walk away. No flouncing! If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were. If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment. If it was at a company party, never go again. You are so busy, you can’t think what your calendar holds for that day, when they ask you to the next company party.

 

2. If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction. They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)! You’re so funny!” Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know! I’m a very funny wo/man!” At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable. Again, do not give them energy.  I once went 6 rounds with a man who was trying to say I was so wrong that I was “wrong in the head”. I told him cheerfully, “[T]hat’s right! I had a concussion years ago and haven’t been right since!” He tried again, and I told him, “[Y]ou’re right! I’m a head case!” And four more rounds. He began to frown and literally foam at the mouth, getting angrier and angrier that I was not giving him the satisfaction of becoming wounded! A well-known nasty person, he has never tried his routines on me again. This makes me smile.

 

3. If you must see this person regularly, keep it light, cheerful, and brief. Whenever you must cross paths, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, don’t initiate with them and don’t give them energy. Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support. If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus. Consider reporting the instructor anonymously. Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

 

A fractured Latin phrase advises us: Nil Illegitimi Carborundum: Don’t let the b–ds wear you down. Again, don’t give them energy. You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your happiness taking over. Now that’s Upbeat Living!

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• If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column! You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma! Due to a recent FB change, our “likes” look low. Thanks for your help!

 

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .

 

 

 

Six Top Tips for Cooling Conflict

Tags

Arguing, conflict, difficult people, Kebba Buckley Button, peace within, stress, Stress Management

© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button. World Rights Reserved.

© eelsonova – Fotolia

 

Today’s article is inspired by the people who love to complain behind your back, and if possible, start an argument with you in person. These people are on most committees and boards. They seek to create conflict. It excites them and helps create drama. Sometimes, it makes them feel important. But it burns your time and energy. There’s a lot of advice available about dealing with negative people, and a lot of wisdom available about how exactly to word what you say to them.

I never make the mistake of arguing with people

for whose opinions I have no respect.

~Edward Gibbon

However, as a stress management expert, I recommend you not spend a lot of energy analyzing these people. Simply use energy shifts to control how much these people affect you. They do it compulsively. You, however, don’t have to get sucked in. If you like peaceful relationships, as I do, here are great strategies for diffusing conflict and hostile energy.

1. To the person who often surges up to you to bitterly complain, about anything and nothing: nod kindly, saying, “I know what you mean”, or simply, “mmmm”.
2. To the person who takes issue with everything you say, reverse the energy. You just took the snow tires off your car for the season, and this person loudly says that THEY always leave them on until MARCH. In a thoughtful tone, you say either, “[W]ell, good!” or even, “[Y]ou know, you’re right about that. I should do that.” You just eliminated their drama. After a few episodes, they may stop seeking you out. This would be good!
3. To the person above you in the organization, who says something nasty to you in front of others: walk directly to their private office and wait.
4. To the person below you in the organization, or your equal, in a club or nonprofit: when they complain, pull their energy forward by inviting them to serve on a committee that deals with the topic they complained about. Repeat as needed.
5. With all negative people and arguers: remain calm and speak back to them as though they spoke pleasantly. Their energy will come down to your calm.
6. With any negative person: while driving to work, or wherever you have to deal with them, picture their face in its typical expressions. Then keep watching until it turns to a relaxed smile. Hold that image in your mind. Notice how different they are in when you see them in person. Do this daily.

I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing. 

~ Buddy Hackett

Do you want to have the least conflict possible?  Then bypass Paralysis By Analysis, and stay light and even.  Nurture your own Peace Within.  Smile pleasantly and focus on the light and the positive. Be very busy and quickly yet calmly leave those aggressive conversations. People who love drama will calm down and start leaving you alone.  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

 

_____________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

 

 

 

Upbeat Living: Your Ruthless Friends

Tags

difficult people, Kebba Buckley Button, Martha Stout, ruthless, sociopath, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

iStockphoto

A few months ago, a Dairy Queen employee named Joey Prusak did a wonderful thing.  He was taking an order from a blind gentleman, when a $20 bill left the gentleman’s wallet and dropped to the floor.  The woman behind the blind gentleman picked it up and popped it into her purse. Seeing this, Joey Prusak asked if she wouldn’t like to give the $20 bill back to the man who dropped it.  She indicated she did not wish to give it back.  So Joey Prusak took $20 of his own, and firmly presented it to the gentleman, saying that on behalf of Dairy Queen, he would like to replace the lost $20.  He then also declined to serve the woman who had taken the dropped bill.

We know all this took place, and how, because a customer wrote a detailed letter to Dairy Queen, praising Joey Prusak’s handling of the situation.  He took ethical action in the face of someone’s sociopathic behavior.  You may be thinking, “the nerve of that woman!”  But according to author Martha Stout, the woman who took the $20 bill would not have needed nerve if she was, in fact, a sociopath.  If that was the case, she simply had no conscience. Dr. Martha Stout is a clinical psychologist who served on the faculty of Harvard Medical School for over 25 years.  She is the author of The Sociopath Next Door:  The Ruthless and the Rest of Us.  Stout says one in 25 lack conscience, and they are often very charming.  There are several types of sociopaths.  Some want to be supported, some want to take something of yours or invade your privacy, and some want to hurt your career with lies—just for fun.

Sociopathy is the inability to process emotional experience, including love and caring, except when such experience can be calculated as a coldly intellectual task. 

~ Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us

Recently, I was at a meeting at the office of a prestigious organization, and I witnessed an extraordinary thing.  One friend wanted to share a photo of her home, and she passed her phone to the woman next to her.  The second woman praised the photo of the home.  She then started flipping through other photos on the phone and joyfully making personal and suggestive remarks.  I was astonished at the invasion of the first friend’s privacy.  First Woman was frozen in horror.  I kept offering Second Woman the chance to gracefully relinquish her peeping, by saying pleasantly, “I want to see the home photo!  Flip back to the beginning!”  I tried this 5 times.

But she kept laughingly narrating, going deeper into First Woman’s private photos.   I went around the conference table and leaned over Second Woman, asking again for her to go back to the home photo.  She gleefully continued.  In fact, it seemed she was becoming more joyful and satisfied, the longer this drama went on.  She was feeding on it.  We had previously thought she was a warm, creative, delightful contributor to our program.  This was a new side of her; although later we realized there had been previous odd sequences.

Normally, I am gracious to a fault.  But this time, something rose in me, and I made a choice.  I took the phone out of Second Woman’s hands!  I told the group that I was sorry to be so emphatic, but I was on the subject of privacy.  Second Woman was unsurprised!  She laughed gleefully, saying, “and I’m on the subject of peeping!”  She looked straight at me, with the total joy of someone who has gotten away with something and is glad!  There was no remorse, no guilt, no apology.  She just wanted to enjoy every second of the invasion she could before someone stopped her.  We will be very careful around her from now on.

Like the woman in the Dairy Queen, Second Woman was very satisfied with her behavior.  She was a sociopath.  She was taking what she wanted and did not care if others were hurt.

People say I am ruthless.  I am not ruthless. And if I find the man who is calling me ruthless, I shall destroy him.

~ Robert Kennedy

Perhaps you’ve had a boss who hurt employees as often as possible, for personal satisfaction.  Or a colleague who told career-damaging lies about you. Maybe you’ve had a neighbor who refused to return a borrowed tool, claiming it was his/hers to begin with. In Stout’s fascinating book, you can read 13 strategies for dealing with sociopaths.  But perhaps it boils down to this:  learn about them and learn to recognize them faster and faster.  Then, don’t get sucked in.

And watch who you hand your phone to.  Once you know your friend is a sociopath, keep smiling and stop associating with them.  Don’t let them know they are hurting you: they love that.  Live your life with eyes wide open, and make the most of every hour.  As Stout says in her thirteenth strategy, “[L]iving well is the best revenge!”  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Upbeat Living: Biggest Secrets of the Rude and Nasty

Tags

difficult people, Nasty people, rude people, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button http://www.kebba.com

The techniques of Upbeat Living lift people into the most joy and satisfaction, best relationships, and improved health and least aging.  Unfortunately, we all must deal with nasty and rude people from time to time.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  And that is what they want!  Some are insecure and trying to bring others down to their level.  Some see your light shining and are jealous, so they want to dim your light, if they can.  Some simply enjoy others’ pain, and they hope to hurt you, especially in front of others.

 

Secret #1:  If they do it in front of others, you actually have the advantage!  Now you can show your gracious strength in front of an audience.  The way you respond to public rudeness will win you fans for a lifetime and leave the nasty person revealed as an emotional predator.

 

Secret #2:  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and bring them back soon.  They feed off your hurt!

 

Secret #3:  There are ways to deal with them, and you can learn! So if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired, here are UpBeat Living’s top tips to beat rudeness.

 

1. For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This stress reaction, in turn, can erode the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarge your heart.

 

Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for managing your energy?  Try simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.  Now you have triumphed, and they will look for a victim who is more easily hurt.

 

Be thankful for the difficult people.  They have shown you

exactly who you don’t want to be.

 ~Unknown

 

2. For a verbal sting, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then keep walking with a pleasant smile still on your face.  Again, don’t give them energy.  Pretend they have just been “so cute”.

 

Sometimes, God uses difficult people, like sandpaper,

to rub the rough edges off of us. 

–Joel Osteen

 

3. If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, such as giving you a gag award for talking too much,  with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment. If it was at a company party, never go again.  You are so busy, you can’t think what your calendar holds for that day, when they ask you to the next company party.

 

If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.  Again, do not give them energy.

I once went 6 rounds with a man who was trying to say I was so wrong that I was “wrong in the head”.  I told him cheerfully, “[T]hat’s right!  I had a concussion years ago and haven’t been right since!”  He tried again, and I told him, “[Y]ou’re right!  I’m a head case!”  He began to frown and literally foam at the mouth, getting angrier and angrier that I was not giving him the satisfaction of becoming wounded!  A well-known nasty person, he has never tried his routines on me again. This makes me smile and think, “ha HA!”

 

4. If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Don’t initiate with them and don’t give them energy.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Consider reporting the instructor anonymously.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

 

A fractured Latin phrase advises:  Nil Illegitimi Carborundum:  Don’t let the bastards wear you down.  Don’t give them energy, or they win.  You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your happiness taking over. Why not go for it?  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

——————————————————————————————————

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

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● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Can You Be Pleasant When They’re Rude?

Tags

choices, difficult people, friendships, Relationships, Rudeness, stress

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Fotolia

Can you hold the High Ground of Graciousness when others are being rude?  It depends on how high you think the stakes are.  Unpleasant people are an unfortunate fact of life.  They are not fun. They make us wince.  They cause our stomachs to knot up.  They sometimes try to generate conflict.  But now and then we have to deal with these people.  It’s crucial to be as congenial as you can be with them as well as with the sometimes-awful situations they can create.  You never know who is listening and how many years they will remember how you handled it.

 

The importance of being pleasant was brought home to me following a particular gathering of a cooking club to which I belonged.  For some reason, I couldn’t go that night, which may have been a good thing.  What happened became legendary to the club members. The club always cooked to a theme, and people would bring all the dishes, prepared, to the host’s home.  The host or hostess always coordinated the dishes well ahead of time.

 

This particular night, an hour into the meal, a notoriously late member of the group arrived.  He had not said he wanted to come, and all the dishes were arranged for.  This friend had brought some fresh seafood, which was irrelevant to the evening’s theme.  The hostess, wanting to be…pleasant, let this friend come in and participate.  One of the more expressive members asked why Mr. Seafood should be allowed to join the evening and asserted he should leave.  Mr. Seafood prepared his dish in the hostess’s kitchen from scratch, while the group moved on to dessert, according to the original plan.  In escalating tones, Mr. Expressive told Mr. Seafood that he should respect the group more and abide by the agreements: reserve ahead, prepare the dish in his own kitchen, and arrive on time, prepared.  Other voices began to rise.

 

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” 

 ~ Edmund Burke

 

Most agreed with Mr. Expressive in principle, and they were tired of Mr. Seafood behaving as he does, and had done for years.  However, they began to tell Mr. Expressive that it was best to be pleasant.  No one wanted outright strife.  Then voices were raised on this point.  Two people actually tried the seafood dish during dessert.  Raised voices turned to hurt feelings.  One couple said it was simply unacceptable to air unpleasant thoughts like this at a social gathering.  Mr. Expressive said, but he was right.  [And I was in strong agreement with his points, while different people were telling me later about the evening’s events.]  Topping off the situation, the two who had tried the seafood dish got food poisoning from it.  The outcome was that Mr. Expressive lost respect and friends, and the group never met again.  The stress of outright conflict was too uncomfortable for the group.

 

A client shared a related story with me.  For a time, in an HOA situation, there was a neighbor who was especially critical of much of what went on with the community.  She would send verbally violent emails to Board members and neighbors, wildly angry about the gate needing repairs or the dumpsters being too full.  Online or in person, she would exclaim, “UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!”  Neighbors stopped responding to her emails, ignored her at Board meetings, and gradually steered away from her altogether.  She lost all her social equity, all her influence in the community, and all of what could have been friendships with many fine neighbors.  There is a level of blatant aggression and conflict that is simply too stressful for people, so they turn away.

 

The next time you find yourself with people expressing unpleasantly, be as pleasant as you can be, or remove yourself, if possible.  Laugh and make light remarks.  Be the one who breaks the tension if you have those skills. Even if you agree with the aggressor’s points, don’t join the tension, if you can avoid it.  You can always talk with the aggressor later, after things have cooled off.  To enjoy your relationships the most, smile and be easygoing.  You’re the one who will be invited back.  You’re the one who will keep the relationships.

________________________________________________________________

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Don’t Let The B—s Wear You Down

Tags

difficult people, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Illustration by Microsoft

UpBeat Living lifts people into the most joy and satisfaction out of life, even improved health and less aging.  Today we cover ways to respond to nasty and rude people.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  How to deal with them is the subject of some columns here and a number of books.  Knowing exactly what to say to them is an art.  But you can learn! So if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired, here are UpBeat Living’s top tips to beat the rude and negative.      

1. For an insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and bring them back soon.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This is hurting your health, your stomach lining, and your blood pressure.  This,  in turn, erodes the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarges your heart.  Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for your energy management?  Perhaps simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.
2. For a quick verbal sting, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then walk away with a pleasant smile still on your face.  Again, don’t give them energy.
3. If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment.  If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction and they will try again.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.  Don’t give them energy
4. If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Don’t give them energy.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

A fractured Latin phrase advises us:  Nil Illegitimi Carborundum:  Don’t let the b–ds wear you down.  Don’t give them energy.  You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your happiness taking over. Why not go for it?

———————————————————–

● If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column.  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a Master’s Degree scientist, a minister, and the award-winning author of  the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr), and also Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br).  She also has a natural healing and stress management practice and is a celebrated public speaker.

 

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .