Healthy Happy Loving Life: 4 Top Tips to Shake Off a Bad Mood

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Shake off a bad mood

(c) Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM

Photo by hello-im-nic on Unsplash

Do you ever find yourself in a bad mood, and you’re just waiting for it to go away?  And maybe you’re making mistakes with people because you’re cranky?  Well, no need to wait any more for that mood to go away on its own.  Here are 4 of my fastest tips for shaking it off.  Enjoy and report!

1. Literally shake it off: place your tongue at the side of your mouth, and shake your body from the shoulders down.  Pretend you are a scarecrow in a gusting stiff breeze.  In 3 minutes, notice you are feeling completely different– energized and ready– for what is up to you.  
2. Drink a coffee:  the polyphenolic compounds in coffee will literally give your cells a lift.  Plus, coffee tastes good.  Put your feet up, sip your coffee, and in 20 minutes, your mood will have cleared.  
3. Do silly:  Like the Ministry of Silly Walks from Monty Python, you can use silliness to evaporate a bad mood.  Look for the 2-minute Norwegian YouTube video, where someone has put up an official sign mandating Silly Walks in a crosswalk.  Everyone is trying to walk in a silly way, and everyone is laughing, including the mayor.  
4. Remember who is in charge of your day: YOU.  Stand up, make the decision that you are making it a great day, and take a symbolic step forward

And that’s you, much more Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM, is an energy transformation expert, holistic healer and guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life. She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: The Pinball Machine of Life

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adjusting to change, energy, Feeling energized, fulfilled, Garth Brooks, grateful, healing, Kebba, living beyond, making changes, moving on, Relationships, stress tips

Photo by http://www.livelifehappy.com

© 2021 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Today, I offer my Pinball Machine Theory of Life.   Think of the top 3 disappointing events you’ve had in life.  A relationship suddenly over.  The job you KNEW was yours, and someone else got it.  The friend who suddenly cut you off.  Remember how much that hurt?

Sometimes, it’s like you are the ball on a pinball game board.  After the token goes into the machine, and the spring launcher is pulled and released, the ball zips up the slope of the game board.  Sometimes, like the pinball, you are racing up the board of life thinking you are definitely headed in a certain direction.  Then– wham!– you get hit with a flipper.  For a moment, you don’t even know what your new direction is, right?  You’re just reverberating with the impact of the flipper (ow!), feeling the pain, and trying to get your bearings again.  Then you begin collecting yourself, look up, and see what unintended direction you are now headed in.  Yikes! Not what the plan was!  And how many time has this happened to you?

Grammy-Award winning musician Garth Brooks has a powerful song called, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.”  In the song, he tells of being out with his wife and seeing the woman he dated in high school.  In high school, he used to pray for that relationship every night.  By the time he saw his old flame again, he realized he would not be in the amazing relationship he was in with his wife, had the relationship with his old flame worked out.  So now he is massively grateful for the passing of that old relationship!  He was redirected on the Pinball Machine of Life, and now he is deeply glad.

If you are a person of faith, remember this timeless truth [Romans 8:28]:  We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him…

When the flippers hit you, you are being directed for powerful purposes, by a Wisdom greater than our own.  Do your best to deal with the hurt.  Then embrace the new opportunities that are arriving.  Be the happy and grateful pinball.

Now, doesn’t it feel great to be even more Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm?  It’s up to you!  

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Revealing Your True Nature in the Worst Times

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Amish Grace, Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Resentment, responsible, Revealing your true nature, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they revealed their true nature: forgiveness.  They forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had revealed its true character, values, and nature.  It had declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, Amish Grace, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

What do the worst times reveal about your nature?  Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish Grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight. Now you’re in the realm of Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She also has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

UpBeat Living: Is Your Brain Flat Today? Maybe You’re Sad?

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brain flat, bummed, don't care, down, Grief, stress, stressed, Upbeat

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Photo by Microsoft

Have you ever had a day when you just didn’t care?  A day when you weren’t interested in anything you usually care about?  For you thread-pickers, how about a day when you saw a colored thread on the carpet, you thought you should pick it up, and you just didn’t feel like it, for once?

Recently, I had a day when that was me.  I wasn’t craving coffee or chocolate or any other tastebud comforts.  I wasn’t tired or sick, and my schedule was more relaxed than usual, for a couple of days.  So I wasn’t under the usual pressure of big deadlines.  Plus, the weather was idyllic, so I had the windows open, and I should have felt happy and full of life.  But my brain was flat.  And I didn’t care about the little thing on the floor I should have been picking up.  Finally, my front-brain got cranky with the rest of me and asked loudly, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH US TODAY?  SINCE WHEN DO WE NOT CARE?”

I’m usually devoutly upbeat, taking an “up” approach to everything.  So I was puzzled to be in this state.  But, thinking over the previous couple of days, I realized I was “down” this day.  A friend was in the hospital with severe cardiac disease, for which little medical therapy is available.  He struggles for breath and believes he is basically out of options.  This is a good-humored man who loves to volunteer and entertain.

Also, a buoyant woman I knew had died in hospice, a fact I had only learned from the morning paper’s obituaries.  I liked her a lot, in the years we were in touch.  She always had some new creative project going on.  She was warm, cheerful, generous, beautifully groomed, and thoughtful.

Finally, I realized I was sad and a bit discouraged.  With my holistic healing practice of many years, I have supported many people with many conditions, often with dramatic positive results.  Yet, obviously,

Photo by Fotolia

I can no longer do anything for my friend who has died.  The friend who is in the hospital is mainly looking for the right medication, which is not my area.  As the person who generally has answers to help others feel better and heal better, I had hit 2 dead ends in 2 days.  That explained it.  I was “bummed”!  I was “down”!  I was also grieving.  My brain felt flat, and I didn’t care about bits on the floor or organizing next year’s calendar.

By now, are you remembering weeks when you’ve had similar experiences?  What was going on then, and how did you feel?  Did you journal about it then, or would that perhaps feel good now?

May I boldly suggest 3 things?  First, ask yourself, “What is wrong with me?” and listen.  Second, journal about it until you get the “Aha!” in it.  Third, give yourself some time to be flat, or bummed, or down.  Read novels, garden, walk, edit your most beautiful photographs, or let yourself clean the house on Automatic, letting easy, repetitive tasks soothe you like meditation.  Let your mind, heart, and soul roam free for awhile, until you feel yourself rising again.  Soon you’ll come back out of yourself, becoming vivid, colorful, and enthusiastic again.

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UpBeat Living: Responding to the Massacre at Newtown

Tags

Effective living, grateful, Gratitude, Newtown, stress, Stress Management, surviving disaster

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Today a young man, who had planned ahead, killed 28 people in and near Newtown, Connecticut.  Adam Lanza apparently killed his mother at home, shooting her in the face.  He then went to the Sandy Hook Elementary School and killed 20 children and 8 faculty, including the much-loved principal.  In minutes, the world of these children was turned upside down.

Soon after Lanza entered the school, around 9 am, teachers and students were astonished to hear the school intercom come on, broadcasting a strong interaction between people, including swearing.  Teachers locked their classroom doors, hid children in cupboards, and in the gym, shielded the children with their bodies.  At least one teacher convinced her class there was a wild animal loose in the school, and that was the reason for cautious behavior.

After police arrived, children were cleared from the classrooms and groups began running to the nearby fire station.  Connecticut State Police began arriving in minutes, since these State Police take their police cars home and everywhere with them, for fastest response.  Today, this paid off handsomely, with an array of  dozens of sedans and trucks arriving, low-set flashing police lights bright.  ATF arrived.  Canine officers arrived.

President Obama made a short, emotional speech.  Connecticut Governor Dan Malloy met with the families.  At this hour, 10 pm Central,  a memorial Mass has already been held, with even the Pope sending a message of comfort.

We are left now with many questions.  What could possibly have been Adam Lanza’s motivation?  What could he possibly have wanted to achieve by shooting all these people, especially children ages 5-10?  Did he plan all along to end his shooting spree by ending his own life?

So how can we respond to the massacre at Newtown?  In several ways.

1. Pray, for the families of those shot today, for the investigators and the counselors, and for all those affected by all similar events.  Keep praying.

2.  Hold Go(o)d Thoughts.  Whether you believe in prayer or not, stay positive and believe that the investigators will answer the questions as fast as possible.  Believe that, with Lanza dead, this can be the last mass shooting in this country.  Are you open to that possibility?  Believe that people can and will heal in time.

3.  Get into the gun control conversation.  Follow the commentary of people like Captain Mark Kelly, astronaut husband of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.  Giffords was one of 19 people shot at a Tucson Safeway, almost 2 years ago; 6 of those shooting victims died.  Ask yourself where you are on these issues, and whether different gun control laws could have changed today’s outcome.  Know and speak for your position.

4.  Give thanks and hold your loved ones tight.  You get to spend another holiday season with them.  In some homes, certain chairs are empty this year.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You, and the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core.  She is also an ordained minister.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Who Started It, Anyway?

Tags

Arguing, at choice, choices, Kebba, Negativity, Relationships, stress, Stress Management

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Have you ever had a disagreement with someone that escalated really fast and felt crazy?   And then you wondered what the disagreement was about?  Or it seemed you were both arguing on the same side?  How did that turn into anything unpleasant, anyway?  Unpleasantness hurts, and we would all like to avoid that.  Hey, who started it, anyway?

Communication is a complex art, and misunderstandings do happen.  To save a relationship despite one of these crazy misunderstandings, we need to be patient. We need to be understanding, philosophical, lighthearted, and ready to forgive and forget.

A friend, “Janet” tells this story:  She was at Friday happy hour, at a popular restaurant, with a dozen friendly colleagues.  Of course, it was not possible to hear everything everyone said.  Each person was hearing snatches and phrases.  Janet heard one colleague, “Sonia”, cheerfully say “[mmpht mmpht] because I’m Mexican!”  Sonia had an Anglo surname.  Thinking Sonia might have a Mexican parent or grandparent, Janet leaned toward Sonia and asked pleasantly something like, “Sonia, did you just say you were ‘Mexican’?”  Uh oh.

Sonia cocked her head to the side and appeared to stiffen.  Several colleagues leaned forward and queried Janet, in variously stern and accusatory tones, “Are you calling Sonia ‘Mexican’?”  My friend was in Deep Trouble, accused of being openly racist.  My friend kept saying, “Sonia called herself ‘Mexican’—I’m just asking her about it.”  Fortunately for Janet, the group had already been drinking for awhile, and they shortly tired of accusing her and simply let it drop.  Janet will never know how much social damage was done by the mistaken impression that she was somehow accusing a woman of being “Mexican”.  The whole conversation was so fluid that it would be virtually impossible to follow up later.  Sonia clearly felt attacked or confronted.  Janet certainly felt attacked or confronted.  But who started this altercation?  Who was responsible for the damage being done to Janet?  Sonia was cool to Janet for the next couple of years they worked together.

A client, “Bev”, tells of working as a high-ranking administrative assistant in a structured department at a State agency. One morning, a food vendor for an adjacent agency saw Bev in a hallway and announced she would soon be providing hot breakfast options within the building.  Bev said something like, “Oh, how nice.”  She wondered if the vendor had obtained the right approvals, which would have to have been from managers higher than Bev.  Within 2 hours, an angry administrator came to Bev and demanded to know if Bev had given the vendor approval to provide hot breakfasts within this agency’s building.  Astonished, Bev said, “no, I don’t have the authority to approve anything like that!”  And the angry administrator asked again.  And Bev repeated her answer.  And the angry administrator asked again, a bit differently.  At this point, Bev was wondering if someone had set her up, telling the angry administrator that she, Bev, had definitely approved the new hot breakfasts.  Bev was baffled, because anyone would know that she had no authority to even consider the question.  As the conversation loops went on, Bev began to feel attacked.  Who started this conflict?  Could it have been resolved?  Did this situation contribute to her wrongful termination a few weeks later?  We will never know.

Sometimes a social/communication dynamic gets rolling, and it is difficult to tell who started it, who is right, and who is wrong.  Perhaps the most important thing is to give up trying to figure out who started it or how it developed.  Rather, it is crucial to maintain your poise and your smile, and make the best of the conversation.  Remain pleasant and, above all, keep your energy neutral and light.  Keep your replies simple and speak them in a light tone.  Try to steer this illogical conversation in the direction of a solution.  Or take the opposite approach and make a light comment to divert the conversation.  Be a generous listener.  If you can stay light and easygoing, people will sometimes simply forget an accusatory or unpleasant conversation.

Do you want to have the least conflict possible?  Then bypass Paralysis By Analysis, stay light and even.  Forgive misunderstandings whenever possible.  Smile pleasantly.  Don’t worry about who started it.  With focus on the light and the positive, you may be able to be the one who ends it

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● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Life Bats You… in a Different Direction

Tags

adjusting to change, energy, Feeling energized, friendships, fulfilled, grateful, healing, Kebba, living beyond, making changes, moving on, Relationships, stress tips

Photo by http://www.livelifehappy.com

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Think of the top 3 disappointing events you’ve had in life.  Maybe you were in a relationship you believed in, and suddenly it was over.  How about the time you had your heart set on a job, you knew you were the prime candidate, and you didn’t get it?  Then there was that friend who suddenly cut you off, with a weird reason or no reason.  Remember how much that hurt?

Enter, the Pinball Machine Theory of Life.

Sometimes, it’s like you are the ball on a pinball game board.  After the token goes into the machine, and the spring launcher is pulled and released, the ball zips up the slope of the game board.  Sometimes, like the pinball, you are racing up the board of life thinking you are definitely headed in a certain direction.  The right direction, surely.  Then you get hit with a flipper.  Ow!  For a moment, you don’t even know what your new direction is, right?  You’re just reverberating with the impact of the flipper (ow!), feeling the pain, and trying to get your bearings again.  Then you begin collecting yourself, look up, and see what unintended direction you are now headed in.  Yikes!  This is a new direction!  Not what the plan was!

Now let’s talk about that major relationship change.  Grammy-Award winning musician Garth Brooks has a powerful song called, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.”  In the song, he tells of being at a football game with his wife and seeing the woman he dated in high school.  Back then, he used to pray for that relationship every night.  By the time he saw his old flame again, he realized he would not be in the amazing relationship he was in with his wife, had the relationship with his old flame worked out.  So now he is massively grateful for the passing of that old relationship.  He was redirected on the Pinball Machine of Life, and now he is deeply glad.

Now, that perfect job you didn’t get—what changes would that have created in your life?  Changes that would have prevented something great that then did happen?  Here’s an example from this writer’s life:  20 years ago, she flew to Denver for a pre-hiring interview with an international company.  Having done projects with the CEO of the Colorado Division, she knew it was only a matter of negotiating the position and salary.  In Denver, she scoped out where to rent an apartment and what moving arrangements would be involved.  But when she called the man who was to interview her, he said he would call back in 20 minutes and never did. He never managed to meet with her during the 5 days she was there.  When the CEO asked how her conversations with the interviewer went, she told him they never even met.  The CEO said, “but I thought it was a pre-hiring interview?’  She said, “yes, I thought so, too.”  She never heard from the company again.  It was a bitter disappointment that hurt for many months.  Now, however, she sees that she would never have met and married her husband, had she been given the job in Denver.  She was redirected for a powerful reason.

As to a friend who suddenly cut you off, let’s put it in perspective and then give thanks.  Recently, a client was suddenly dropped as a friend because she declined a vacuum cleaner demonstration.  That’s right.  She politely declined an emailed request, due to an extreme work schedule.  Also, she did not know the friend-of-a-friend-of a friend that she would be helping by giving 2 hours for a demonstration of a product she could not afford.  The inviter then sent an attack email, assaulting the client’s integrity and spirituality.  The client called the inviter’s wife to ask if she felt the same way.  The wife said she would call back.  Immediately the inviter emailed the client again, nastily saying she must not go behind his back to talk to his wife, and best she not contact either of them again.  Did the client really want to be friends with people who would go ballistic over small matters?  Reconsidering a number of past hints of the nature of these “friends”, the client sadly let these friendships go.  Since, she has come to be glad they are no longer in her life.  Now she has more time for more compatible friends.  She was redirected for powerful reasons.

If you are a person of faith, remember this timeless truth [Romans 8:28]:  “We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him…”  When the flippers hit you, you are being directed for powerful purposes, by a wisdom greater than our own.  Do your best to deal with the hurt.  Then embrace the new opportunities that are arriving.  Be the happy and grateful pinball.

_______________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Instant Yoga, Instant Energy

Tags

energy, exhausted, fatigue, Feeling energized, Instant Yoga, stress, tired, Yoga

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M.  World Rights Reserved.

Hands up, anyone who feels tired right now!  Oh yes.  Hands up, anyone who is routinely more tired than they want to be!  Oh yes.  By the way, you look like you’re tired.  Just kidding.  Some of you are wearing makeup, and it keeps you from looking so tired.

Not having the energy you want is a pervasive condition many have been noticing in recent years.  We have fatigue from sleep disorders including from breathing errors during sleep.  We have fatigue from stress overload or from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, overlapping with fatigue due to bad dreams.  We have fatigue from eating too much sugar, fatigue from eating foods containing microtoxins, fatigue from air pollution, and fatigue from drinking too little water.  We have Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome (CFIDS).  Substituting coffee for sleep can work for a while, then make us deeply fatigued.  There are many more causes for being too tired.

Tired people may have trouble concentrating, may ache all over, and may be cranky.  Their reflexes are impaired, slowing down their thinking and actions.  They may make be unproductive and make mistakes that result in losses at work.  They may cause accidents while driving and hurt relationships at home.  They get sick more easily.

In contrast, we feel great when we have lots of energy.  Vitality is a magic ingredient that can completely turn around attitudes, productivity, and relationships.  There are many ways to trade in stress and fatigue for energized living.  In the 2009 book, “Discover The Secret Energized You”, this writer provides hundreds of understandings, tips and tricks for literally trading in your stress for energy.

But what if you need some instant energy, you don’t have time to read, and you’ve had enough coffee for the day?  Some basic yoga, that doesn’t even look like yoga, can help.  This is called “invisible yoga”.  Everyone has seen regular yoga:  it looks like stretches and breath techniques.  Here are 2 subtle-looking yet powerful techniques you can do in almost any situation, no one will notice, and you will increase your vitality within two minutes.  Do either Instant Yoga Energizer for just one minute, if that’s all you have before your meeting starts.

Instant Yoga Energizer #1:  Find a spot where you can see a clock or your smartphone’s clock. Notice the time.  Now think of stretching as you roll your shoulders slowly, gently, “stretchingly” for 2 full minutes.  Roll them in the same direction and then in opposite directions.  Notice that your head seems to be down and forward compared to the refreshed shoulders.  Gently bring your head up and back, until it is centered over your shoulders.  Repeat.  Now notice the energy has reached your toes and the balls of your feet.  Notice the lightness in your head.  That is the improved circulation of blood and oxygen in and to your brain.  Enjoy!

Instant Yoga Energizer #2:  Seated, become aware of your fatigue and how your body is positioned.  Where is your fatigue?  If your shoulders are, for example, off to the left of your body’s center, gently glide them back to center.  If your head is down and forward, gently move it back to being upright and centered between your shoulders.  Now become aware of your breath.  How shallow or deep is it?  Begin to exhale out to the end of your breath.  Push the last bit of air out of your lungs and allow the reflexive inhale, or gasp.  The inhale will automatically fill your lungs completely, replacing the urban pollutant-filled air you just pushed out.  This is a complete breath, the exhale plus the inhale.  Do this twice more.  Notice the light sensation at the back of your head, plus the warming of your ankles and neck.

Congratulations!  You have just had your first Invisible Yoga Class.  Namaste!  Use these techniques often, and enjoy the effects.  After all, it’s your energy and your life.  Why be tired?

________________________________________________________

●  Your comments welcome!

 

●  Reach the writer at Kebba@kebba.com

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Revealing Your True Nature in Worst Times

Tags

Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Radical forgiveness, Resentment, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had clearly declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, “Amish Grace”, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

In the modern program, Radical Forgiveness, author Colin Tipping says that ordinary forgiveness means, “You did that to me, but I’ll let you off the hook and forgive you.”

Tipping wants people to go a large step further.  He believes in a loving God who has plans for all of us, and that God makes things happen that are good for us.  So nothing is “bad”.  No wrong has occurred.  The Divine Plan has been unfolding for our spiritual growth.  For those who make the perspective shift that no wrong actually occurred, Tipping says, their emotional release can be virtually instant.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

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–Your comments welcome!–

 

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Top Tips for Retorts

Tags

Anger, choices, energy, exhausted, fatigue, friendships, Insults, Nasty people, Negativity, Retorts, stress, Upset

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

This column focuses on assisting people in getting the most joy and satisfaction out of life, even improved health and less aging.  One of the main ways to leverage life from what you have to what you want is to stop managing stress sources and manage your energy instead.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  How to deal with them is the subject of some columns here and a number of books.  Knowing exactly what to say to them is an art.  To respond quickly and effectively to difficult and nasty comments is an important skill set.   If you are one of those people with a fast wit, who always has a funny quip to break the  tension, great!  However, if not, and if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired in these situations, here are some top tips to use for retorts.

Tip #1.  For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and increase their approaches.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This is hurting your health, your stomach lining, and your blood pressure.  This in turn erodes the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarges your heart.  Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for your energy management?  Perhaps simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.

Tip #2.   To respond to a quick verbal assault, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then walk away with a pleasant smile still on your face.

Tip #3.  If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment.  If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction and they will try again.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.

Tip #4.  If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your true cheer taking over. Why not go for it?

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— Comments welcome!–

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .