Healthy Happy Loving Life: Beat Holiday Stress with 4 Top Tips!

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at choice, effective living strategies, Healthy Happy Loving Life, holiday stress, Kebba Buckley Button, stress, The life you want

© 2021 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved. http://www.kebba.com

–A version of this article appeared on our Upbeat Spiritual Living blog in November 2017.–

Image by Megapixl

In the USA, “The Holidays” now means the entire season from before Halloween to after Christmas and New Year’s Day.  This season sweeps through Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, HumanLight, and Ramadan, with Boxing Day on December 26th. This year, The Holidays seemed to start before Halloween: I saw my first red- and green-labeled carton of eggnog around October 25.  Then Hanukkah begins Thanksgiving weekend, Sunday November 28th!   We are now in the peak frenzy of The Holidays, with Christmas only 42 days away.

In this country’s popular culture, The Holidays are supposed to be a happy, bustling time when people love to buy gifts, decorate seasonally, have large gatherings, play and sing seasonal music, go to church, and eat and drink copious quantities of rich and sweet foods.  Yet many feel mildly stressed, bluesy, or even totally stressed during this time!  If you are one of those who get stressed, these tips are for you.

First, simplify, and select how you will spend your energy.  It’s important to realize The Holiday Season now reaches over almost a 3-month period, so you need a strategy other than trying to ignore it.  So write down everything you usually expect from yourself, such as:

o Buy seasonal candy

o Put it in seasonal candy dishes in home and office

o Buy cards and mail

        o Play holiday music in your home, go caroling with a group

o Buy gifts for 10 relatives and wrap, take or ship

o Attend 4 parties with special appetizers you make

o Attend 3 holiday concerts or dance performances

o Attend 2 on-holiday family dinners

       o Go to church services wearing red and your happiest face

o Go to a sing-along of The Messiah and sing your heart out

o Take the kids for a carriage ride around Kierland or Central Park, or to a Disneyland event, depending on your area

o Take holiday photos

o Post all those activities on FaceBook and Instagram

o Help feed the homeless at St. Vincent de Paul or Salvation Army on Christmas Day

o Buy larger pants in New Year’s sales.

Whew!  Did you feel energized, or did you feel tired and worn after reading this expectations list?  Now that you have written it all down, try cutting those expectations and events by two thirds.  Now order the gifts and have them shipped.  Use a card service to get the cards out, or email your good wishes, or skip the cards altogether this year.  Take the photos with your phone or your kid’s phone, and post them and your holiday wishes on Instagram and Facebook.  Play only music YOU have chosen. Don’t let the TV run, with the constant messages of “Buy! Buy!  Buy!”

Second, take timeouts.  Even if you cut to one third your expectations of yourself, there is a lot of busy activity around you, wherever you go.  It’s a very stimulating time of year, and now it’s a quarter of the year.  It’s like the anti-vacation!  So you need microvacations to see you through.

o Take quiet moments in a still area of your home.

o Exhale and drop your shoulders, imagining quiet energy moving from your head down to your toes; picture your body’s cells holding onto that quiet.

o If you enjoy praying or sitting in contemplation, take time for those regularly, giving them your full attention.

o If you like to read fiction, take two hours at a time to get totally involved in a good novel.

o Practice totally letting go of the hustle and bustle around you.  Nurture your Peace Within.

Third, give your body extra support.   Drink extra water between holiday beverages.  Eat salads, fresh fruit, and lean protein.  These will strengthen you between sweet and rich holiday meals.  Add ginger to your chicken soup to counter the effects of sugar.  If you can nap, take naps.  Different lengths of naps work for different people, but research has shown that naps as short as 20 minutes can totally refresh you.  Create time to walk, hike, or work out, to flush the toxins and clear your mind.

Fourth, enjoy what nurtures you.  Are your spiritual values getting towed under during The Holidays?  Whatever there is about The Holidays that fills you, uplifts you, or restores you, keep those pieces.  If spending a day with Grandma makes you feel great, be sure to spend a day with Grandma.  If video chatting with your niece or grandchild leaves you joyful all day, make time to be fully present for that.  If the Messiah Sing-Along thrills you, go!  If walking alone in the labyrinth, or attending Midnight Mass, or journaling, or practicing your guitar, leaves you feeling calm and happy, make those priorities.

Take these tips to heart, and you will beat stress during The Holidays.  Remember, it’s your life, and you are always at choice.  Will you choose to take care of yourself during this season?  You are a precious child of God, and you deserve to enjoy the true gifts of this season.  And that’s you, choosing to be Healthy Happy and Loving Life^sm!

• ---

  Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert, holistic healer, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

  

  Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Festivus for the Rest of Us?

Tags

Festivus, Healthy Happy Loving Life, holiday stress, Kebba Buckley Button, Santa, stress, Stress Management

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Today, I’m sharing something very personal.  Although I am a Christian and an ordained minister, I’m sharing my seasonal little dirty secret today:  commercial Christmas makes me sick.  Commercial expressions of “Christmas” have gone wildly far afield from the celebration of the birth of Christ.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love sacred Christmas.  I love to think that (John 3:16) “God so loved the World that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  I love that we annually remember and celebrate the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, as a little baby.

When people ask me what exciting things we are doing for Christmas, I say, “oh, we’re more Silent Night than Deck the Halls”.  I like to go to a Christmas Eve church service with sacred songs like “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”.  Later, I like to take a walk at night, gazing at the stars above, and thinking of the shepherds, the Holy Family, the Magi, and how the original Christmas must have been, without telephones or news stations. I like to rest in deep gratitude for the arrival of the Messiah.

So fast forward over 2000 years from that birth, and humans have turned Christmas into a buying-spree opportunity with many electric lights, many Santa images, and even fireworks.  Yes, even the Little Town of Bethlehem, in Israel, has fireworks for Christmas!  And humans have deified Santa Claus.  The seasonal song tells it all:  “He knows if you’ve been sleeping!  He knows if you’re awake!  He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake!”  Wait, isn’t that God?  Isn’t God the original omniscient being?  So how did Santa become a God?

A close look at the cheery Christmas living room image above shows how important Santa has become in this actually sacred time.  There are a number of Santa ornaments and only 2 stars (representing the star the Magi followed?) on the tree.  Look around at “Christmas” decorations anywhere, and you will see Snoopy and characters from Disney movies, plus the mandatory Santa and often his sleigh.

So no wonder this season is a nonparticipation opportunity for those who call themselves “atheists”.  What a healthy reaction to Santa worship!  A popular TV show, Seinfeld, a number of years ago, offered our culture an alternative: “Festivus, for the Rest of Us”. Celebrated on December 23 (or why not any other seasonal date?),  these elements would be part of the celebration: get a Festivus pole, have a Festivus dinner involving meatloaf, air your grievances, join in Feats of Strength, and call all slightly non-routine events “Festivus miracles”.

So will you forgive me for speaking my truth in this column?  Will you choose the way you enjoy your Holidays, however you celebrate them, or don’t?  Whatever your beliefs and plans, may your days be merry and bright!

And that’s Healthy Happy Loving Life^sm! Happy Holidays!

——————————————–

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Different Things in a Time So Familiar

Tags

different for the Holidays, Healthy Happy Loving Life, holiday stress, Kebba Buckley Button, stress, Stress Management

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Photographer unknown

If you have lived in the US for more than a year, then you know what Christmastime looks and sounds like: lots of red and green, sparkle, lights, garlands, decorated trees, and the soundtrack of Christmas songs. Some people even have their cars decorated with a large round nose on the front and antlers on the sides– delightful!

But this year is different.  There are fewer lights, few church services, and even less traffic on Christmas Eve than usual.  There is no mistletoe anywhere, that entire industry being gutted by the concerns of contagion.

However, there are a few things that have popped up to surprise and delight.  A composer has written software that allows up to 14,000 people to be online at once, singing in concert.  Professionals are singing out of their upstairs flat windows, creating mini concerts.  Disney has released all of its upcoming movies at once, online.  And commercial bakers, creative as always, have come up with some new munchables for the season.

A savory new snack is Cricket Chips.  No kidding!  They are from the Chirps company, chirpschips.com, and the product is called “Eat Bugs”. The package proudly proclaims “one cricket per chip!”  My bag is barbecue flavor.  Try them if you dare!

Cricket chips by @chirpschips

Another novelty snack this year is the Lump of Coal Cookies from toogoodgourmet.com .  Supposed to resemble lumps of coal for the naughty, these cookies are actually very delicate, crisp, and chocolatey.  Definitely try them if you can find them!

-Lump of Coal Cookies by toogoodgourmet.com

Finally, in photography, many have gotten really silly.  I love it! So above you can see an outstanding example of silly images– babies dressed as grannies– and yet it’s profound.  We start life small and soft, and we age to…well, smaller and softer.

I hope you enjoyed these not-so-familiar images for Christmas Eve.  Laughter helps move you into Healthy Happy Loving Life^sm!   Now may your days be merry and bright!

——————————————–

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Familiar Holiday Scenes and Surprises

Tags

cookie ninja, Healthy Happy Loving Life, holiday stress, Kebba Buckley Button, porch pirates, stress, Stress Management

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

Hibiscus in the Feng Shui Garden
Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

Probably the bigger holiday season anywhere is the phenomenon of the US winter holidays.  Wrapped around Christmas, this elaborate multiweek holiday season now goes from at least November through early January.  It has largely eclipsed Thanksgiving as the major Fall holiday in the U.S.  

 

Familiar streetscapes sport signs with holiday greetings, and stores, hotels and public buildings are decorated with holiday lights and garlands.   Neighborhoods sparkle with festive yard décor, trees wrapped in strings of lights, and rows of twinkling icicles hanging from rooflines. 

 

Photo (c) Kebba Buckley Button

 

And of course, one of the most familiar sights of the season is the roving teams of trucks, cruising the neighborhoods, dropping off packages at many thousands of doors.  And, this year, as packages are dropped off, unfortunately, a few “porch pirates” are snatching the parcels and making off with them.  This is frustrating for everyone but the porch pirates themselves.  Many people have responded to this by installing doorway cameras.  

 

But wait!  There is already a countermovement, doing good and pleasant things!  Some people are leaving (packaged) snacks and drinks for the delivery workers!  And in Lincoln, Nebraska, there is even a team called “the cookie ninjas”, wreaking good in the neighborhoods.  A mom bakes cookies.  Two children put on masked costumes.  Then they deliver fresh cookies.  The children rush to home doors, drop off the cookies, ring the doorbells, and run off.  This is especially good fun for the households with porch cameras, as they can see exactly what happened.  

 

So, what are you doing for the Holidays?  And how are you sharing goodwill?  

And that’s Healthy Happy Loving Life^sm! Happy Holidays!

——————————————–

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Healthy Happy Loving Life: Happy (Lite) Holidays

Tags

choices, Christmas, holiday stress, holiday stress tips, less sugar, merry and bright, Reason for the Season, stress, Stress Management

Lite Holidays for You!

©Kebba Buckley Button 2020.  World Rights Reserved.

As you read this, in the U.S., the Holiday ball is rolling fast.  Life sped by Thanksgiving and is crashing forward into full Holiday Mode. Warehouse stores have almost sold out of Christmas décor, themed candy, and gift baskets.  Images of Santa are plastered everywhere, and shopping districts are awash in red and green.  Holiday music is playing frantically in stores and mall parking lots, other than maybe on Sunday mornings.  Decorated trees have sprouted everywhere, including that white one hanging upside down in the famous gallery store.  Poinsettias rim every grocery display, and sugar is in the air, on the menu, and in most commercials.  TV is showing endless specials and old movies on the cultural themes of the season.  People are anxiously surfing the Web and surging through stores in search of the right gifts.  If you love these sights and sounds, by all means, hustle with the bustle and have a great time.  Stand in line for that spiral-cut smoked ham, and send your friends handmade holiday greeting cards and cookies.  The rest of us admire you!

However, if you are overwhelmed by all the commercial holiday stuff, here’s a radical suggestion:  do it “lite”!  Stop, right now, and exhale!  Why not create your own Happy (Lite) Holidays?  Are you an atheist, a Christian turned off by Santa, an adherent of another faith turned off by Santa, or simply a no-commercial-hubbub person?  Then try these simple tips:

1.  Keep it light. Send some gifts and cards with minimum effort, and get it done just as fast and early as possible.  Or just send a holiday email and make a few calls.  Let them know you care.

2.  Stay out of the way of the rolling Holiday ball. Celebrate with your spouse and loved ones,  at home, with what you know you enjoy.  Stock up on food, music, and movies that have nothing to do with Santa, or everything to do with your Holy Days.  Plan to take care of an unfinished creative project, or do that online research you never have time for.  Christians, sift the church calendars for Santa-free Christmas concerts and pageants.  Go sing in a “Messiah” sing-along.  You know how to celebrate the reason for the season.

3.  Eat half the sugar and drink twice the water. Sounds too simple, but this will help keep your mind calm, your metabolism strong, your skin smooth, and your waistline slim.  You will get along better with everyone and enjoy every day more.

You can choose to be happy and in deep satisfaction, anywhere, anytime.  Choose these now.  That’s being Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm!  And whatever your background, may your days be merry and bright!

———————————————

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She also has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

UpBeat Living: Quick! Say A Proper Goodbye to 2013!

Tags

holiday stress, Kebba, New Year, New Year's Resolutions, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

UpBeat Living: Closing Out 2013

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Image by Microsoft

It’s the last day of the old year, 2013, and already people are wishing each other a Happy New Year.  TV networks have aired video summaries of the most colorful events of 2013.  This morning, Arizona time, as people watched those videos over breakfast, Sydney, Australia had already crossed into the New Year and celebrated with fireworks.  You have to watch those pesky time zones.

But wait!  Have you properly said “[G]oodbye” to 2013?  Before you launch into your New Year’s resolutions—and you know you will—how about first making your own summary list of all you accomplished or weathered or observed in the old year?  My husband held a great-granddaughter on his lap for the first time.  I finished the second edition of my newest book, Peace Within, and officiated an interfaith prayer service in a Catholic Church (think about it—I’ll wait) for International Day of Peace in September.  A new Pope was elected, an Italian-speaking Hispanic, who embodies God’s love and goes by “Francis”, after St. Francis.  And CBS says Esquire Magazine has named the Pope Best-Dressed Man Of The Year!  For a Pope, he dresses simply, in white.

Why not make a list of all the frustrations and victories, disappointments and joys, that were there for you in this outgoing year?  Take a piece of paper, or a word processor document, or create lists in your phone.  Make 3 columns:  what I didn’t like, what I did like, and what happened in the World that affected me.  Take just 15 minutes, or more, if you realize it’s a powerful thing for you.  You’ll notice a lot of accomplishments.  Be proud.  Celebrate the good.  Toast to the wonders of the Old Year, and wait until midnight to ring in the New Year.

——————

● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this blog?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition)( http://perfectboundmarketing.gostorego.com/authors/kebba-buckley-button.html)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Going Gaga Over Gifting?

Tags

Effective living, Gifting, holiday stress, holiday stress tips, Kebba, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Fotolia

Got stress over gifting?  In our continuing series on beating holiday stress, you were no doubt expecting us to talk about your budget, when talking about gifting.  Yes, that’s important.  And many have found a budgetary haven in home-making or home-baking an array of holiday gifts.  But your time is valuable, too, and that hand-done basket of cookies may have an actual cost higher than ordering cookies to be delivered.  My family found a cookie product with our last name, “Cookie Buttons”, and we get them delivered to every household of relatives, in various flavors, with free shipping.  One big order and we’re done!  Except for the cards and calls, but that’s another column.

So let’s back up and ask a question no other writer has ever asked about holiday gifting:  what standard are you setting with what you’re spending, either in time or money?  Most people are on a budget, and they don’t have either the time or talent to spend a day and a half at holiday time, baking holiday goodies.  And while you may think your generous gifts will be received with the same joy as that with which you selected or made them, here’s news for you: many people will feel bad when they open your gift!  Why?  First, because they’ve been too stressed to even get around to gift decisions yet this year, and they don’t have one for you, so now they feel GUILTY.  Second, because your cookies are so gorgeous and always delicious, and you arranged them so beautifully on the seasonal platter, and their baking will never be up to that standard, so now they feel INFERIOR.  Yes, most people’s self-esteem is very low!

A great bet is to quit gifting altogether, other than reasonable gifts for children of the family and seasonal food gifts for others.  With relatives, ask them if they would like to exchange gifts this year.  You may be surprised how fast they say, with relief, “[O]h, that would be great to skip it this year!”  For the office, a plate of cookies or a fruit tray, set out in the breakroom, is perfect.  For your book club or other circle of friends, agree on a maximum value for gifts.  Do not go overboard, or you may set an uncomfortable standard.  How will your out-of-work friend match that $70 pitcher you got her from the high end kitchen store?  For the kids, set a budget and stick to it, or you will be setting a standard you’ll have to answer for in future.

The gifts most loved ones would really like from you are calls, your time, your companionship, and the sound of your laughter.  Round up some friends for a concert, a special church service, or to meet at a restaurant or for drinks.  Consider an impromptu New Year’s brunch, at your place or at a restaurant.  Show them you care.  Show them you want to be connected. Share your love and laughter.

This season, may you have the least possible holiday stress!  Happiest holidays from UpBeat Living!  And this year, may there be Peace on Earth.

——————

● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this blog?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition)( http://perfectboundmarketing.gostorego.com/authors/kebba-buckley-button.html)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Sick of Santa?

Tags

Christian values, holiday stress, Kebba, Relationships, Santa, stress, UpBeat Living

 

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

Are you over-Santa’d?  Do you see far too many of those white-bearded guys with red suits, in commercials, movies, and TV shows?  Meteorologists on many TV stations even pretend to track Santa as he travels the globe, supposedly delivering gifts to all good people.  His image may have come to us culturally from the Danish “nisse” tradition: little helpful people with peaked red hats.  But the Coca-Cola company created the current image of Santa—red suit, white trim, white beard, black boots, and rosy cheeks–and his cultural presence is now everywhere in the US and many other countries.

 

If you are a Christian, you may be truly baffled as to why anyone would tell the Santa myth to their kids.  What a lot of fuss to keep up with this cultural setup, when the reason for the season is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.  I know, Jesus was born in the Spring, but this is the time of year when we celebrate His birth, so stick with me for another minute.

 

So what can you do about Santa saturation?  Insulate yourself!  Choose your own Santa-free music, and play it, at home, in the car, and through your earbuds.  Air only your preferred Santa-free movies, and don’t go caroling except with groups that leave out the Santa songs.  Politely decline!  Stay out of the malls until after December 26^th, doing all your ordering online, or next year, before about December 1^st.

 

The worst anti-Christian message of the Santa myth is that Santa is in charge of managing your kids, not you, the parent. Does this sound familiar: “[H]e knows if you’ve been sleeping.  He knows if you’re awake.  He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for Goodness’ sake!”  Wait, isn’t that God?  So parents who teach their kids to be good, so that Santa will bring them gifts, are handing off their parenting to Santa!  Hello?  Does this make sense?  Can we just step back and take a fresh look at this whole Santa thing?  The presents are from loved ones, the late-night cookies are eaten by the parents who’ve stayed up late wrapping gifts, and the tree was decorated entirely by people who care and who the kids know.

 

So if you’re Christian to some degree, let’s sing a round of “It came upon a midnight clear” and then a round of “Oh little town of Bethlehem.”  Let’s thank God for those precious children and the one baby whose birth we celebrate on Christmas.  Thank God for all the good in your life and all the good to come.  Let Santa be completely on his own this Christmas.

 

Happiest holidays from UpBeat Living!  And this year, may there be Peace on Earth.

——————

● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this blog?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition)( http://perfectboundmarketing.gostorego.com/authors/kebba-buckley-button.html)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

Protected: Holiday Stress Got You Down? How to Beat It!

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at choice, choices, Effective living, holiday stress, holiday stress tips, Kebba, peace within, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living, vitality

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UpBeat Living: Assuming Consumes

Tags

Assumptions, choices, friendships, holiday stress, Kebba, Relationships, social satisfaction, stress

Photo by Jessica Thomas

© 2011, Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Do you ever catch yourself assuming something not in evidence?  Yesterday, I was going over some details of a column with a colleague I was going to quote.  I described the circular communion rail in Fr. Jim Clark’s church, assuming it had become circular during a recent massive remodel of the east end of the sanctuary.  Fr. Jim kindly brought me up to speed, letting me know that the circular design has been in place for many years.  I was only in the church, St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, once before the remodel, and that was for a funeral.  When I was there for the funeral, I was sad and crying and preoccupied with concern for the bereaved family.  My brain simply did not record the fact that there was a circular communion rail.  So, some years later, my brain simply made it up that the communion rail became circular during the remodel finished this year.  In this case, no harm done.

Occasionally, someone’s brain fills in blanks with assumptions about us, where there are no facts, or the facts are the opposite of the resulting assumptions.  In this kind of case, great harm can result.  One year, I went to a New Year’s Eve singles party with a group of single friends.  I drink very little, because alcohol makes me tired.  So I had only had 2 sips of champagne at midnight, enjoying the ritual of welcoming in the New Year.  Otherwise, I drank water all evening; we also danced for hours.  I felt great.  One friend got so drunk that at 12:15 am, the rest of us, all 6, walked her to her car and repeatedly offered, in different ways, to drive her home.  Oddly, the drunk friend kept inquiring if each of us was okay to drive.  In the course of our extended conversation, trying to convince her to let us drive her home, she turned her concern to me; I replied that, no, I was fine, I had had only had 2 sips of champagne.  The next day, I received a 6-minute voicemail from the previous night’s drunk friend, condemning me for drinking so heavily!  In serious and angry tones, her rant let me know how low a human I was.  She said if I wanted to abuse my body by drinking heavily and hurting my brain and liver, that was one thing.  However, she said- now in passionately angry tones- that if I wanted to drink heavily like that and then drive, that was another thing and inexcusable behavior!  I tried to talk with her, but she was completely committed to the idea that I was the drunk and dangerous one.  I gave up my friendship with her.  Several years later, she decided I had gotten over my Problem and let me know she had forgiven me!  I still avoid her.  Her assumptions consumed our relationship.

What do you believe about people and situations?  How much of your belief system about each friend or colleague is based on fact, and how much on imagination?  If you are disturbed by someone’s behavior, is your discomfort based on actual interaction?  Or is it based on your ideas about why they said and did what they said and did?  When you are frustrated by a situation, try writing down what you actually know, what you guess, and what came from rumors.  Eliminate the conjecture for a clearer picture, and try starting fresh.  Will you let assuming consume you?  It’s up to you.

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Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com.