Healthy Happy Loving Life: Revealing Your True Nature in the Worst Times

Tags

Amish Grace, Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Resentment, responsible, Revealing your true nature, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they revealed their true nature: forgiveness.  They forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had revealed its true character, values, and nature.  It had declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, Amish Grace, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

What do the worst times reveal about your nature?  Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish Grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight. Now you’re in the realm of Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She also has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

UpBeat Living: Is Your Brain Flat Today? Maybe You’re Sad?

Tags

brain flat, bummed, don't care, down, Grief, stress, stressed, Upbeat

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Photo by Microsoft

Have you ever had a day when you just didn’t care?  A day when you weren’t interested in anything you usually care about?  For you thread-pickers, how about a day when you saw a colored thread on the carpet, you thought you should pick it up, and you just didn’t feel like it, for once?

Recently, I had a day when that was me.  I wasn’t craving coffee or chocolate or any other tastebud comforts.  I wasn’t tired or sick, and my schedule was more relaxed than usual, for a couple of days.  So I wasn’t under the usual pressure of big deadlines.  Plus, the weather was idyllic, so I had the windows open, and I should have felt happy and full of life.  But my brain was flat.  And I didn’t care about the little thing on the floor I should have been picking up.  Finally, my front-brain got cranky with the rest of me and asked loudly, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH US TODAY?  SINCE WHEN DO WE NOT CARE?”

I’m usually devoutly upbeat, taking an “up” approach to everything.  So I was puzzled to be in this state.  But, thinking over the previous couple of days, I realized I was “down” this day.  A friend was in the hospital with severe cardiac disease, for which little medical therapy is available.  He struggles for breath and believes he is basically out of options.  This is a good-humored man who loves to volunteer and entertain.

Also, a buoyant woman I knew had died in hospice, a fact I had only learned from the morning paper’s obituaries.  I liked her a lot, in the years we were in touch.  She always had some new creative project going on.  She was warm, cheerful, generous, beautifully groomed, and thoughtful.

Finally, I realized I was sad and a bit discouraged.  With my holistic healing practice of many years, I have supported many people with many conditions, often with dramatic positive results.  Yet, obviously,

Photo by Fotolia

I can no longer do anything for my friend who has died.  The friend who is in the hospital is mainly looking for the right medication, which is not my area.  As the person who generally has answers to help others feel better and heal better, I had hit 2 dead ends in 2 days.  That explained it.  I was “bummed”!  I was “down”!  I was also grieving.  My brain felt flat, and I didn’t care about bits on the floor or organizing next year’s calendar.

By now, are you remembering weeks when you’ve had similar experiences?  What was going on then, and how did you feel?  Did you journal about it then, or would that perhaps feel good now?

May I boldly suggest 3 things?  First, ask yourself, “What is wrong with me?” and listen.  Second, journal about it until you get the “Aha!” in it.  Third, give yourself some time to be flat, or bummed, or down.  Read novels, garden, walk, edit your most beautiful photographs, or let yourself clean the house on Automatic, letting easy, repetitive tasks soothe you like meditation.  Let your mind, heart, and soul roam free for awhile, until you feel yourself rising again.  Soon you’ll come back out of yourself, becoming vivid, colorful, and enthusiastic again.

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UpBeat Living: When 19 Die for You

Tags

Firefighters, First responders, Gratitude, Grief, Hotshots

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

© Bretwalda | Dreamstime Stock Photos

On June 30^th this year, a wildfire destroyed half the tiny town of Yarnell, Arizona.  It also killed 19 expert firefighters, called “Hotshots”.  One member of the team, the Lookout, survived, after warning the team the wind had shifted and himself following protocol to move to the next lookout position.  Rescuers found the 19 bodies, together with 19 fully deployed fireshields.  At this point, the fire was 0% contained.

The unincorporated town of Yarnell had around 649 residents as of the 2010 Census.  The town is northwest of Phoenix and southwest of Prescott.  This week, the entire town was evacuated due to raging fires.  The Granite Mountain Hotshots, a 20-member team out of the 92-member Prescott Fire Department, were a team specializing in fighting wildfires.  They had successfully fought back and contained a previous area wildfire.  This time, residents remember the Hotshots literally being right behind them as they fled their homes.  The Hotshots were fighting back the fire that was about to envelope, and did envelope, their homes.  The firefighters saved all the residents and half the buildings in Yarnell.  But no one could save the Granite Mountain Hotshots when a wall of fire overcame them.  Even the Pentagon dispatched special fire-fighting aircraft.

At this moment, on the evening of July 3^rd, the fire is 45% contained.  The entire town of Yarnell is in emergency lodgings. The funeral has been held for the 19. Aside from shock and grief, admiration and gratitude were the overwhelming moods of the funeral day.  There were many hugs for the surviving Hotshot, the Lookout, himself a 3-year veteran firefighter.  Those saved by the Hotshots are asking, “How can you respond when someone dies for you?”

How can we respond to this much loss?  How can we thank those who died doing what they passionately wanted to do?  How could you ever thank someone who died while saving you?  We are left with our tears, our admiration, and our questions.

 

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● Liked this blog?  Then why not buy Kebba’s books on Amazon?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 

 

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Healthy Happy Loving Life: Revealing Your True Nature in Worst Times

Tags

Anger, choices, Forgiveness, Grief, Grudges, Radical forgiveness, Resentment, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

On October 2, 2006, a pickup truck backed up to the front door of an Amish school.  It was the West Nickel Mines School in Pennsylvania.  A man who was angry at God went into the school, shot 10 girls and then himself.  Five of the girls died.  This small Amish community could have been devastated and could have shouted about discrimination, invasion, and revenge.  They could have been consumed by resentment and hatred. They could have written books about their pain and sold the movie rights.  They could have sued their way around the court system.  They did no such thing.

Instead, they forgave Charles Roberts, the gunman, who had been their milk delivery man.  One of Roberts’ children had died the day she was born, and he could not forgive God for that loss.  Amish leaders went to Roberts’ widow’s home, told her they had forgiven Roberts, and offered comfort for her and her children.  Later, they took the widow toys for her children.  Citing their faith, the Amish gave up any burden of hatred or resentment, embodied compassion, acted out their forgiveness, and fulfilled reconciliation.  They went to Roberts’ funeral and stood with his bereaved family.  They leveled the school and built a new one on a different site, calling it “The New Hope School”.

Roberts’ widow came to the dedication celebration, only 6 months after the shootings.  The community had clearly declared a healing.  A movie version of the story, “Amish Grace”, ran on the Lifetime Network, and Lifetime reported it was the most watched movie ever broadcast by their network.  Clearly, people are interested in forgiveness, unburdening of grudges, and the grace of reconciliation.

The Amish story raises afresh the question of what forgiveness is.  A great definition is “giving up resentment or any claim for recompense for the wrong that has occurred.”  This doesn’t mean one has to forget the wrong ever happened.  In the Christian faith, Jesus taught that no limit should be set on the extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4).  Also, an unforgiving spirit is regarded as a sin (Matt 18:34-35 and Luke 15:28-30).  In teaching The Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-13, Luke 11:2-4), Jesus instructed the Disciples to pray,  “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  So one will be forgiven by God only to the extent one is forgiving to those who have wronged oneself.

In the modern program, Radical Forgiveness, author Colin Tipping says that ordinary forgiveness means, “You did that to me, but I’ll let you off the hook and forgive you.”

Tipping wants people to go a large step further.  He believes in a loving God who has plans for all of us, and that God makes things happen that are good for us.  So nothing is “bad”.  No wrong has occurred.  The Divine Plan has been unfolding for our spiritual growth.  For those who make the perspective shift that no wrong actually occurred, Tipping says, their emotional release can be virtually instant.

Normal forgiveness commonly takes years, and research suggests it takes a toll on your mind and cardiovascular system.  The field of psychology is not yet in total agreement on the exact definition of “forgiveness”.  But many are promoting the practice for individual, community, and world benefits.  If we can forgive personally and locally, can we forgive globally as well?

Are you holding any grudges?  Would you like to feel better?  Think of Amish grace. Try forgiving someone today, and notice how well you sleep tonight.

 —————————————————————————————————–

–Your comments welcome!–

 

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Grace in Grief

Tags

energy, Feeling energized, Grief, healing, social satisfaction, stress, Stress Management, stress tips

© 2012  Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

This week brought news of the deaths of three longtime friends.  The comments flying back and forth in email brought back vivid memories of the friends, together with great stories that were new to me, shared by others. It was hard to create short newsletter blurbs about how these friends would be missed.  Everything I wrote brought to mind more ways the departed had shared their love, their laughter, and their creative gifts.

Grief hurts, grief takes its own time, and grief takes so many forms.  The late psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross evolved a model of five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  A few people seem to be able to shrug and directly accept that a loved one has ceased to be with us.  Some grieve for years, appearing to be in perpetual sadness.  Occasionally, this takes the form of leaving the deceased person’s belongings untouched, as though the person is still present but out of the room.  England’s Queen Victoria so passionately loved Prince Albert that, upon his death, all household members were required to wear black—until Victoria’s death.  The Queen apparently was uninterested in moving from depression to acceptance.

More commonly, many people feel alternating waves of memories, sadness, and loss.  Many have trouble concentrating on anything but the departed and their loss.  Some get physical symptoms such as fatigue, chest pain, and shortness of breath.  Some pray.  Some seek counseling.  Some spend time alone.  Some get irritable because they are stuffing their feelings. But the goal is to move through the discomforts and, on your own schedule, get to the fifth stage, acceptance.

Can you help yourself move through grief faster?  Of course, counseling can help.  Fortunately, there are also some things you can do without a professional, to shorten your grief process.  These are seven top choices.

–          Journal.  Find a quiet time and place to start writing down your memories of the loved one and the times you shared together.  Be sure to include detailing the best things you will remember about this person.  How did they inspire you?  Forget any conflicts you had and focus solely on the good.

–          Write them a letter.  Write to the loved one as though they have been transferred.  Share all your best memories, and tell them you miss them.  Notice how much lighter you feel.

–          Go to the service.  Stay for the cookies and punch.  If there is a funeral, a mass, a memorial service, or a memories lunch, go.  Don’t worry if you are not from the same faith tradition.  Follow the cues of those leading the service, and you will be fine.  The officiant and the family are expecting people of all backgrounds.  Feel your feelings, cry your tears, and share your memories with the other loved ones there.  Introduce yourself to the family members and tell them you are so sorry for their loss.  Tell them what a great friend the loved one was, and that you are grateful to have had many years of friendship.

–          Write in the online memory book and Facebook.  The funeral home will have an online memory book, and your fond memories will be a great gift to the family.  Send a note if there is no online memory book.  Post on Facebook.  While the person’s account will disappear as soon as Facebook knows they are deceased, you and your friends can share online.

–          Give something in their memory.  According to your budget, endow a chair at a university, start a foundation, create a cookie and name it after them.  Give a personalized brick for that newly restored theater.  Volunteer a few hours at their favorite soup kitchen or food bank.

–          Share your photos.  The family may never have seen those shots you took of your friend beaming at you on the hiking trail.  Email the photos to the family, church, or funeral home, with notes on who else is in the frame and when and where it was taken.  These will be treasured for years.

–          Get your fresh air and exercise.  Your DHEA levels will have plummeted when you got the news your friend had died.  This is part of what makes mourners depressed and tired.  Easy hikes in beautiful areas, walks at the Botanical Garden, swimming at the lake, or yoga in your yard will all calm and restore you, as well as returning your DHEA levels to normal.

Everyone has lost loved ones, and each has handled it differently.  May your memories be strong and beautiful.  And may you move through your grief process, to the extent possible, with ease and grace.

–Comments welcome!–

Reach the author at: kebba@kebba.com