Your Mind’s Eye: Only You Can Change Your Focus

Tags

Focus Stress, Kebba Buckley Button, Mental equivalents, Negativity, stress, UpBeat Living, Your Mind's Eye

© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Whatever your belief system, it is crucial to hold the most positive thoughts and images in your mind.  Ernest Holmes (1887-1960), the founder of Science of Mind, described “The Law of Mental Equivalents”.  He said, basically, that what you hold in consciousness is what you will get in your reality.  This has been proven true in a number of fields, as your brain and body take instruction from your thoughts.

Do you ever wonder why some people always cheerfully achieve success, while others are down in mood and fail at many doorsteps of opportunity?  Your mind takes instruction from your thoughts, and your nervous system acts them out. So success is very much from your mind (not IN your mind). Try this experiment.  Find a 10-pound object or a gallon bottle of liquid, and lift it before and after you say these phrases.  Ready?  Lift the object.  Notice how heavy or light it is for you at this moment.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a weak and unworthy person”.  Your nervous system will take this literally.  Now pick up the object again.  Notice how much heavier it is?  Now reverse the effect.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a vital, strong, valuable person.”  Pick up the object again.  Notice it has become lighter.  From now on, it will be easy for you to remember that your brain and nervous system are always listening to what you say.

Now consider the phenomenon that your brain and nervous system do not know the difference between a real situation of terrible conflict, like a nasty fight or an assault, and a portrayed situation, as in a TV show or movie.  In a good mood, go to a movie theater and see any of the currently popular end-of-the-human-race movies.  You know, machines are arising or attacking from space, and the situation is impossible.  Although not currently in theaters, Independence Day is a good example of this genre.  If you have a portable blood pressure monitor, by all means take your blood pressure before and after you see this movie.  At the end of this movie, you will feel stressed, your adrenaline will be rushing, and your blood pressure will be up.  You may feel hyped up or exhausted, fearful or cranky, and easily startled.  Leaving the venue, you may be driving “with a heavy foot”.  Your brain and nervous system registered all the signals of a real war.  Now think of puppies, babies, and restaurants you love.  Notice your whole bodymind system shifting when you shift your attention.  Notice how light your mind and heart feel? Truly, you choose what stress and negativity you feed your mind and body.

Do you want to live your best life now?  Good!  Then notice what you are showing to your mind’s eye, and work toward positive focus, creating the best brain, body, and lifestyle you can.  That’s Upbeat Living!  And it’s up to you.

________________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition. Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. Both that book and Peace Within are available through her office.  Just email books@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .

Upbeat Living: Your Mind’s Eye

Tags

blood pressure, energy, Ernest Holmes, exhaustion, fatigue, heat, Kebba Buckley Button, mind-body, Negativity, nervous system, positive thoughts, positivity, stress, Summer, UpBeat Living

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

iStockPhoto.com

Whatever your belief system, it is crucial to hold the most positive thoughts and images in your mind.  Ernest Holmes (1887-1960), the founder of Science of Mind, described “The Law of Mental Equivalents.”  He said, basically, that what you hold in consciousness is what you will get in your reality.  This has been proven true in a number of fields, as the brain and body take instruction from the thoughts.

 

Do you ever wonder why some people always cheerfully achieve success, while others are down in mood and fail at many doorsteps of opportunity?  Success is very much in your mind.  Your thoughts are acted out by your nervous system.

 

Try this experiment.  Find a 10-pound object or a gallon bottle of liquid, and lift it before and after you say these phrases.  Ready?  Lift the object.  Notice how heavy or light it is for you at this moment.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a weak and unworthy person.”  Your nervous system will take this literally.  Now pick up the object again.  Notice how much heavier it is?  Now reverse the effect.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a vital, strong, valuable person.”  Pick up the object again.  Notice it has become lighter.

 

Affirm: I am a vital, strong, valuable person.

~ Kebba Buckley Button

 

Always remember that your brain and nervous system are listening to everything you say.  Consider the phenomenon that your brain and nervous system do not know the difference between a real situation of terrible conflict, like a nasty fight or an assault, and a portrayed situation, as in a TV show or movie.  When you are in a good mood, go to a movie theater and see any of the currently popular end-of-the human-race movies.  You know:  Machines are arising or attacking from space, and the situation is impossible.  Although not currently in theaters, Independence Day is a great example of this genre.

 

If you have a blood pressure monitor, take your blood pressure before and after you see this movie.  At the end of this movie, you will feel very stressed, your adrenaline will be rushing, and your blood pressure will be up.  You may feel hyped up or exhausted, fearful or cranky, and easily startled.  Leaving the venue, you may be driving “with a heavy foot.”

 

Your brain and nervous system thought they were in a real war.  If you really want to take in movies like this, but you want less of a stressful effect on yourself, try this.  Rent or download them, show them at home, and when you feel your stress building up, look at other objects in the room and think of puppies and babies.  Notice your whole body-mind system shifting when you shift your attention.

 

Do not get sucked into anyone’s negativity, on any subject! 

You will pay for it with fatigue and an unclear mind.

~ Kebba Buckley Button

 

Truly, you choose what stress and negativity you feed your mind and body.  Consider an apparently mundane example.  Today may be a really hot, humid summer day where you are.  It may be so hot that you would prefer to not to be out in that weather.  Your passion might be to zip efficiently from your air-conditioned home to your air-conditioned car to your air-conditioned office.  That’s a healthy strategy!  However, we all know people who, on this kind of day, must chant out loud, “Boy is it hot!  It is so sticky!  Aren’t you hot?  How can you wear that?  Aren’t you miserable?  It’s just miserable!

 

Chanting like that, the person will begin to feel hotter and hotter, because the brain is listening to every word they say.  And if you listen and/or repeat their comments, silently or to others, you will feel hotter also!  Do not dismiss this as “just psychological.”

 

The sensations are real, and you have a right to live the best and most comfortable life that you can construct for yourself.  That is the Upbeat Living philosophy.  So be ready with several cheerful replies to the heat-chanters, for when they start in.  The one I use most is (delivered in a light and cheery tone), “Yes!  You know, it’s almost like Phoenix in the summertime!”  Then I quickly leave the area so the chanter can’t argue.

 

Do not get sucked into anyone’s negativity, on any subject!  You will pay for the indulgence with fatigue and an unclear mind.  If you are a person of faith, remember God wants you to use your creativity to make the most of your life and your gifts.  God never wants you to be stalled out by negativity.

 

So do you want to live your best life now?  Great!  Then notice negative programming, make notes, and work toward creating the best brain, body, and lifestyle you can.  That’s real Upbeat Living, and it’s up to you to choose it!

—————————————————————————————————

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Stop Complaining Now! For Your Own Sake

Tags

Cancer, complaining, fatigue, Feeling energized, fulfilled, happy, healing, Health, Kebba, Negativity, Relationships, stress

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Anyone know someone who has only negative comments to share?  You ask this person how they are, and they give you a passionate list of things that displease them.  Sometimes, they get on a roll and will dump as long as you are willing to listen.  Socially, they soak your energy, and at work, they burn your time and make YOU look like you’re gossiping and being unproductive.

Humorous office signs are a great way to generate smiles.  One of the best is a simple word in capital letters: “KWITCHERBITCHIN”.  Huh?  A passerby has to pause for a moment and let the phrase sink in.  Then chuckle. The sign provides an instant lightening-up on the weighty topic of complaining.

What’s wrong with complaining?  First, people get weary around the complainer, don’t want to work with them or sit with them in social settings.  Kids won’t select that kid to be on their team.  Second, people stop really listening to a person who complains constantly.  Then, as in the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, people will be nonresponsive when there is a big problem or painful life event, such as a death in the complainer’s family.  When the complainer has something major to share, his would-be audience is already worn out and will automatically turn away.

Why should you quit complaining altogether?  Complaining definitely magnifies your unhappy thoughts.  You have to keep your mind on the negative when you complain.  This keeps the negative experience alive and in your current memory.  “Let sleeping dogs lie.”  When we stop commenting about something unpleasant, and shift our focus to something pleasant, the negative-story thoughts can be released from short-term memory.  We have a certain capacity in our short-term memory, so filling it with positive thoughts keeps the negative memories from being restored from “the back of your mind”, reloaded into current memory.  Going over and over a bad memory or an unhappy circumstance brings it forefront, and it will bother you more.  And more.  And more.

This does not negate the positive value of journaling, however, in which you pour out your authentic thoughts and feelings freely.  Nor does it negate the value of support groups.  However, those in support groups might want to consider the boundaries between healthy brief venting and repetitive recounting of sad/bad memories.  After the past is basically dealt with, telling the stories of past horrors can certainly bring those old negative feelings back to life, fresh in the nervous system. Do you really want to spend your day feeling down?

At the University of Missouri, Associate Professor of Psychological Sciences Amanda Rose has completed two studies of 1600 girls and boys.  The work concluded that “excessive talking” about problems is linked with depression and anxiety.  Girls tended to go over problems in great detail, while boys tended to think talking about challenges was a waste of time.

Do you know someone who seems to love to be angry?  Perhaps someone who is critical and perfectionistic, who goes rigid when angrily telling you all about their dissatisfaction?  Studies of the physical effects of anger have shown that anger affects the parasympathetic nervous system and therefore the immune system.  So a person who stays angry, critical and complaining may be sick more often, and they may be more likely to get cancer.  Do you want this to be you?

So how do you deal with complainers around you?  To that person, recounting what’s wrong everywhere may feel like telling the truth, being authentic.  What sounds like complaining to others may be valuable analytical conversation to the one recounting.

• A complainer may be a perfectionist who is not often satisfied.  Try to be more relaxed with that person by having compassion for them.
• Try to move the person from narrative, naming the problem, to problem-solving.
• But do not let them drag you down. Walk away if you have to.  Take your keys and drive away if you need to.  Remember you have a pressing appointment.

Try this:  hold yourself to a high standard, trying never to complain.  The positivity quotient of those around you will rise accordingly.  You may no longer need that KWITCHERBITCHIN sign.

 ______________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Who Started It, Anyway?

Tags

Arguing, at choice, choices, Kebba, Negativity, Relationships, stress, Stress Management

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Have you ever had a disagreement with someone that escalated really fast and felt crazy?   And then you wondered what the disagreement was about?  Or it seemed you were both arguing on the same side?  How did that turn into anything unpleasant, anyway?  Unpleasantness hurts, and we would all like to avoid that.  Hey, who started it, anyway?

Communication is a complex art, and misunderstandings do happen.  To save a relationship despite one of these crazy misunderstandings, we need to be patient. We need to be understanding, philosophical, lighthearted, and ready to forgive and forget.

A friend, “Janet” tells this story:  She was at Friday happy hour, at a popular restaurant, with a dozen friendly colleagues.  Of course, it was not possible to hear everything everyone said.  Each person was hearing snatches and phrases.  Janet heard one colleague, “Sonia”, cheerfully say “[mmpht mmpht] because I’m Mexican!”  Sonia had an Anglo surname.  Thinking Sonia might have a Mexican parent or grandparent, Janet leaned toward Sonia and asked pleasantly something like, “Sonia, did you just say you were ‘Mexican’?”  Uh oh.

Sonia cocked her head to the side and appeared to stiffen.  Several colleagues leaned forward and queried Janet, in variously stern and accusatory tones, “Are you calling Sonia ‘Mexican’?”  My friend was in Deep Trouble, accused of being openly racist.  My friend kept saying, “Sonia called herself ‘Mexican’—I’m just asking her about it.”  Fortunately for Janet, the group had already been drinking for awhile, and they shortly tired of accusing her and simply let it drop.  Janet will never know how much social damage was done by the mistaken impression that she was somehow accusing a woman of being “Mexican”.  The whole conversation was so fluid that it would be virtually impossible to follow up later.  Sonia clearly felt attacked or confronted.  Janet certainly felt attacked or confronted.  But who started this altercation?  Who was responsible for the damage being done to Janet?  Sonia was cool to Janet for the next couple of years they worked together.

A client, “Bev”, tells of working as a high-ranking administrative assistant in a structured department at a State agency. One morning, a food vendor for an adjacent agency saw Bev in a hallway and announced she would soon be providing hot breakfast options within the building.  Bev said something like, “Oh, how nice.”  She wondered if the vendor had obtained the right approvals, which would have to have been from managers higher than Bev.  Within 2 hours, an angry administrator came to Bev and demanded to know if Bev had given the vendor approval to provide hot breakfasts within this agency’s building.  Astonished, Bev said, “no, I don’t have the authority to approve anything like that!”  And the angry administrator asked again.  And Bev repeated her answer.  And the angry administrator asked again, a bit differently.  At this point, Bev was wondering if someone had set her up, telling the angry administrator that she, Bev, had definitely approved the new hot breakfasts.  Bev was baffled, because anyone would know that she had no authority to even consider the question.  As the conversation loops went on, Bev began to feel attacked.  Who started this conflict?  Could it have been resolved?  Did this situation contribute to her wrongful termination a few weeks later?  We will never know.

Sometimes a social/communication dynamic gets rolling, and it is difficult to tell who started it, who is right, and who is wrong.  Perhaps the most important thing is to give up trying to figure out who started it or how it developed.  Rather, it is crucial to maintain your poise and your smile, and make the best of the conversation.  Remain pleasant and, above all, keep your energy neutral and light.  Keep your replies simple and speak them in a light tone.  Try to steer this illogical conversation in the direction of a solution.  Or take the opposite approach and make a light comment to divert the conversation.  Be a generous listener.  If you can stay light and easygoing, people will sometimes simply forget an accusatory or unpleasant conversation.

Do you want to have the least conflict possible?  Then bypass Paralysis By Analysis, stay light and even.  Forgive misunderstandings whenever possible.  Smile pleasantly.  Don’t worry about who started it.  With focus on the light and the positive, you may be able to be the one who ends it

_______________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Creating Your Life With Your Words

Tags

Effective living, Kebba, living beyond, Negativity, positivity, Relationships, The life you want, Using language

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

What do your words say about you?  While words are only part of our communication, they are an important part of our communications toolkit.  Obviously, we use our words to reach out to others, to share, and to respond.  Our words convey to other people our mood, intention, our gentleness or aggression, encouragement, and even fear, anger and blame.  However, we also are affected by our own words.  This is profoundly true mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Whatever you say, your brain and nervous system are always listening.

Recently, a segment of a Facebook page drew my attention.  Having a fond interchange with a female friend, a 20-year-old female commented, “yah, I miss your a– too!”  Why add “your a–” to her expression of affection?  Does she think she is being hip and trendy?  In her social group, is it more valuable to be vulgar?  To those raised in other decades, one didn’t ever mention the posterior.  This brings to mind the expression, “get your a– over here!”  Why add the posterior portion to this request?  Is the asker wanting to sound more aggressive, thinking this is authoritative or powerful?  Will the child or employee be more likely to get over there, or likely to get there faster, when spoken to with this wording?  Certainly, the demand form of the request to “get over there” suggests impatience, disapproval, perhaps “trouble”.

What would be other forms of the request to come to the speaker?  Imagine film star Mae West [1893-1980] for a moment, offering “[H]elloooooo, Sugar!  Wouldja like to come up and see me sometime?”  Or how about a friendly excited whisper, eagerly asking,”[H]ey!  Come over here!  You have to see this!”  These 2 forms of the request express completely different relationships than the often-used, “[G]et your a– over here!”  We can choose the relationships we want with others and use our words and tone to help create those.

Ditto for our relationship with our Self.  If we speak harshly or angrily to ourselves, our inner selves respond just as if another person had spoken harshly or angrily to us.  It hurts or makes us cringe.  Over a period of time, self-bashing language can damage our self-confidence and hold us back greatly.  It sometimes gives us a heavy heart, even a dark soul.  So why would we continue to speak to ourselves in a negative way?  One reason is that we have heard so much criticism, blame, and anger as children.  We have effectively stored those emotional language forms over a period of years.  We’re good at being negative and it’s easy.  There is a lot of cultural support for being negative.  Even mild-looking forms of self-trashing are harmful, such as the smiling person who is always saying, “[I]t’s just me messing up again…” or “with my luck…”

But people who speak in a lighthearted, positive way, are more likely to succeed in many ways.  They are popular.  They are easier to work with and, in organizations, they get the promotions.  You can bet these people don’t call themselves, “[Y]ou idiot” or [Y]ou oaf”.  If you were one of the light-souled winners, how would you talk to yourself?  You would rewrite your internal script to program for worthiness, strength, joy, beauty, effectiveness, love, success, and perhaps elegance and class.  You would never badmouth yourself again, because you want all the best for yourself, and you know your whole body/mind/heart/spirit system is listening to everything you say, inside and out.

And as for your posterior?  You would never again let anyone order it around.  In the life you create with your words, wonderful, positive, classy people come to you.

 _______________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Top Tips for Retorts

Tags

Anger, choices, energy, exhausted, fatigue, friendships, Insults, Nasty people, Negativity, Retorts, stress, Upset

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

This column focuses on assisting people in getting the most joy and satisfaction out of life, even improved health and less aging.  One of the main ways to leverage life from what you have to what you want is to stop managing stress sources and manage your energy instead.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  How to deal with them is the subject of some columns here and a number of books.  Knowing exactly what to say to them is an art.  To respond quickly and effectively to difficult and nasty comments is an important skill set.   If you are one of those people with a fast wit, who always has a funny quip to break the  tension, great!  However, if not, and if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired in these situations, here are some top tips to use for retorts.

Tip #1.  For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and increase their approaches.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This is hurting your health, your stomach lining, and your blood pressure.  This in turn erodes the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarges your heart.  Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for your energy management?  Perhaps simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.

Tip #2.   To respond to a quick verbal assault, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then walk away with a pleasant smile still on your face.

Tip #3.  If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment.  If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction and they will try again.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.

Tip #4.  If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your true cheer taking over. Why not go for it?

______________________________________________________________

— Comments welcome!–

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .