Stress From the Rude and Nasty? Top Tips to Handle It!

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difficult people, Kebba Buckley Button, Nasty people, rude people, stress, UpBeat Living

© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.

 

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This column is committed to helping you live with the most joy and satisfaction you can. Science and reason come together here, to give you the best ways to have the best life you can: best relationships, improved health and less aging. We call this Upbeat Living.

 

Unfortunately, we all get stress from dealing with the nasty and rude people from time to time. Here’s what you need to know:

• Difficult people are a very common source of stress. They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.
• And that is what they want! Some are insecure and trying to bring others down to their level.
• Some see your light shining and are jealous, so they want to dim your light, if they can.
• Some simply enjoy others’ pain, and they hope to hurt you, especially in front of others.
• Your best response is usually no response. And others will give YOU credit.

 

Be thankful for the difficult people. They have shown you

exactly who you don’t want to be.

~Unknown

 

Sometimes, God uses difficult people, like sandpaper,

to rub the rough edges off of us.

–Joel Osteen

 

1. If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, keep smiling. They gave you a gag award for talking too much? Here’s your strategy. With a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!” Then quietly walk away. No flouncing! If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were. If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment. If it was at a company party, never go again. You are so busy, you can’t think what your calendar holds for that day, when they ask you to the next company party.

 

2. If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction. They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)! You’re so funny!” Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know! I’m a very funny wo/man!” At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable. Again, do not give them energy.  I once went 6 rounds with a man who was trying to say I was so wrong that I was “wrong in the head”. I told him cheerfully, “[T]hat’s right! I had a concussion years ago and haven’t been right since!” He tried again, and I told him, “[Y]ou’re right! I’m a head case!” And four more rounds. He began to frown and literally foam at the mouth, getting angrier and angrier that I was not giving him the satisfaction of becoming wounded! A well-known nasty person, he has never tried his routines on me again. This makes me smile.

 

3. If you must see this person regularly, keep it light, cheerful, and brief. Whenever you must cross paths, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, don’t initiate with them and don’t give them energy. Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support. If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus. Consider reporting the instructor anonymously. Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

 

A fractured Latin phrase advises us: Nil Illegitimi Carborundum: Don’t let the b–ds wear you down. Again, don’t give them energy. You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your happiness taking over. Now that’s Upbeat Living!

 ———————————————————–

 

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Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .

 

 

 

Upbeat Living: Biggest Secrets of the Rude and Nasty

Tags

difficult people, Nasty people, rude people, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button http://www.kebba.com

The techniques of Upbeat Living lift people into the most joy and satisfaction, best relationships, and improved health and least aging.  Unfortunately, we all must deal with nasty and rude people from time to time.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  And that is what they want!  Some are insecure and trying to bring others down to their level.  Some see your light shining and are jealous, so they want to dim your light, if they can.  Some simply enjoy others’ pain, and they hope to hurt you, especially in front of others.

 

Secret #1:  If they do it in front of others, you actually have the advantage!  Now you can show your gracious strength in front of an audience.  The way you respond to public rudeness will win you fans for a lifetime and leave the nasty person revealed as an emotional predator.

 

Secret #2:  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and bring them back soon.  They feed off your hurt!

 

Secret #3:  There are ways to deal with them, and you can learn! So if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired, here are UpBeat Living’s top tips to beat rudeness.

 

1. For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This stress reaction, in turn, can erode the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarge your heart.

 

Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for managing your energy?  Try simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.  Now you have triumphed, and they will look for a victim who is more easily hurt.

 

Be thankful for the difficult people.  They have shown you

exactly who you don’t want to be.

 ~Unknown

 

2. For a verbal sting, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then keep walking with a pleasant smile still on your face.  Again, don’t give them energy.  Pretend they have just been “so cute”.

 

Sometimes, God uses difficult people, like sandpaper,

to rub the rough edges off of us. 

–Joel Osteen

 

3. If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, such as giving you a gag award for talking too much,  with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment. If it was at a company party, never go again.  You are so busy, you can’t think what your calendar holds for that day, when they ask you to the next company party.

 

If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.  Again, do not give them energy.

I once went 6 rounds with a man who was trying to say I was so wrong that I was “wrong in the head”.  I told him cheerfully, “[T]hat’s right!  I had a concussion years ago and haven’t been right since!”  He tried again, and I told him, “[Y]ou’re right!  I’m a head case!”  He began to frown and literally foam at the mouth, getting angrier and angrier that I was not giving him the satisfaction of becoming wounded!  A well-known nasty person, he has never tried his routines on me again. This makes me smile and think, “ha HA!”

 

4. If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Don’t initiate with them and don’t give them energy.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Consider reporting the instructor anonymously.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

 

A fractured Latin phrase advises:  Nil Illegitimi Carborundum:  Don’t let the bastards wear you down.  Don’t give them energy, or they win.  You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your happiness taking over. Why not go for it?  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

——————————————————————————————————

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Top Tips for Retorts

Tags

Anger, choices, energy, exhausted, fatigue, friendships, Insults, Nasty people, Negativity, Retorts, stress, Upset

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

This column focuses on assisting people in getting the most joy and satisfaction out of life, even improved health and less aging.  One of the main ways to leverage life from what you have to what you want is to stop managing stress sources and manage your energy instead.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  How to deal with them is the subject of some columns here and a number of books.  Knowing exactly what to say to them is an art.  To respond quickly and effectively to difficult and nasty comments is an important skill set.   If you are one of those people with a fast wit, who always has a funny quip to break the  tension, great!  However, if not, and if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired in these situations, here are some top tips to use for retorts.

Tip #1.  For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and increase their approaches.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This is hurting your health, your stomach lining, and your blood pressure.  This in turn erodes the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarges your heart.  Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for your energy management?  Perhaps simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.

Tip #2.   To respond to a quick verbal assault, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then walk away with a pleasant smile still on your face.

Tip #3.  If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment.  If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction and they will try again.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.

Tip #4.  If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your true cheer taking over. Why not go for it?

______________________________________________________________

— Comments welcome!–

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .