Upbeat Living: Beating Lateness Stress

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Kebba Buckley Button, late, Lateness, Lateness Stress, Lose your lateness, stress, The life you want, UpBeat Living

© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M., World Rights Reserved.

Last time, we covered the Chronically Late Person (CLP)  in Why You Are Late (http://wp.me/pw4HM-wn ).  We talked about why they may be late and how so many are secretly angry when others are chronically late.  If we are late, especially on a routine basis, we cause stress for others who depend on us.  We may get a reputation and lose opportunities.

On the flip side, what are you teaching people about yourself when you are regularly on time?  When you always do what you say you will do, when you say you will, or sooner, what do other people know about you?  They know they can count on you.  Especially in this time of constant, rapid change, that distinguishes you greatly.

If you are often late, you may be taken as a selfish person who does not have regard for the person you are meeting or the organization you are providing products for.  Socially, if you are late for coffee dates and theater dates, you give the message that the other person is just not as important as whatever else is in your day.  And what about being late to that board meeting, with a publicly advertised start time, when you are a member of the Board?  Should everyone wait for you?  Author Patricia Brooks (@patriciabrooks),  President/Founder of Scottsdale Society of Women Writers, speaking of business appointments, says simply, “When people are late, they are selfish and are thinking only of themselves.  I wait only 15 minutes for them and ONLY once!”  If you leave a timely business person waiting, your apology had better be good.  They will probably not reschedule with you.  And why should they?

Recording artist Auliq Ice said,

If you have been told that you are late and unreliable more than once, then not only do you lack punctuality, but you also lack decency and seriousness, which is certainly very annoying.

 

Certainly, there are occasional events that interrupt even the most reliable, organized, timely people.  Mollie Kidari (@m4peace)  is a guru of youth programs, both  local and international.  Mollie says, “Sometimes lateness is being a single mom with three daughters with three different agendas, and three different crises that can happen before getting in the car in the morning.” Recently, I myself had an unbelievable week with three relatives in two hospitals in another state.  I could hardly think of anything except my newborn grandniece in an oxygen tent with her collapsed lung.  Until her grandfather went into a nearby hospital with kidney failure, later that day.  My shock “whited out” almost everything in my brain except my emotions.  It whited out awareness of the deadline for one of my columns, and I submitted it a half-day late.  The Editors, fortunately, bore in mind that I am normally one of the reliable, organized, timely people, and they also were able to flex and accept my submittal.

If you are regularly late, do you mind being seen as a CLP?  Or would you prefer that people think of you as a reliable person, who keeps his/her agreements?  My friend, web designer Robert Andrews (@RobtAn), says he used to be late a lot, and he knew it.  He wanted to change that, however.  He says, “Lateness can be a lifestyle rather than a time-related situation. It took me many years to finally make a lifestyle change, for something that most people think is ‘not a problem… just start earlier.’ It took time, and was very difficult, much like any successful therapy.”

Can you lose your lateness and change to timely habits?  It takes making timeliness a priority.  It takes focus, timers, a good calendar system, and possibly chiming reminders from your smartphone.  Anyone can improve their timeliness, if they want to.  And it’s worth it.  Choose how you show up and show out, and people will respond.  And that’s Upbeat Living!

__________________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition. That and her newest book,  Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, are available through her office.  Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .
• Recent changes have made our Facebook likes look low.  Would you click “Like” in the right-hand column?  You’ll get our appreciation and a huge rise in your good karma!

 

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Upbeat Living: Why You Are Late

Tags

Kebba Buckley Button, late, Lateness Stress, stress, UpBeat Living

© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M.  World Rights Reserved. 

Let’s be honest about why you are late.  Not only is this a quietly hot topic, and a cause of stress, but it also has been studied by many who are seeking solutions.  In Upbeat Living we eliminate as many stress causes as possible.  So we need to be clear that most people like to be on-time and are secretly angry when others are late.  But sometimes the most careful planners are also late.  There are a number of causes and solutions.

I first started thinking about lateness, when, as a child, I realized I knew one chronically late adult person (CLP) and one chronically early adult person (CEP).  I noticed the CLP would go to everything 20 minutes late, thus—I finally realized—reducing the unpleasant event by 20 minutes each time.  That’s a savings of 200 minutes across 10 events.  The CLP would answer the phone, knowing that we should have left 10 minutes ago, thus ensuring that the 5 minute call made us 15 minutes late.  But then it was “time to change clothes!”   Sometimes, we got to the car door, and the CLP heard the house phone, unlocked the house and went back in, to answer it.  Pleading made no difference.   It was agreed to set the clocks forward 20 minutes, to help the CLP, but of course, the CLP knew about the 20 minute “grace period” and still was late.  It was part of the game, to cut short the time given to the thing the CLP actually wanted to avoid.  The CEP liked to arrive early by at least 20 minutes, which served wonderfully for medical and business appointments.  However, it caused an embarrassing strain for party hosts.

Chronically late people (CLPs) like to joke:

Being on time never killed anyone, but why take a chance?

I learned a strict view of lateness in a personal development course called Omega Vector Training.  The leaders viewed lateness as something unnecessary, which you had created, to sabotage yourself.  At the beginning of the course, you committed to be on time for sessions.  “On time” was clearly defined as “in your seat, ready to listen and participate”.  A one-minute piece of music was played to signal “move to your seats”.  Neither stomach flu nor a flat tire was an excuse; these were seen as factors you had created.  Participants not in their seats at the last chord of the music got to stand in front of everyone and be processed about their lateness.  I learned that when we agree to an appointment, we are setting a verbal contract, and keeping it shows respect for both the party we are meeting and for ourselves.

Let’s ask ourselves:  if we are late, is it possibly because we don’t really want to do that thing, or because we are afraid of something about that thing?  Is it too many people, too much noise, people who are too important, or too much potential conflict?  Might we be called upon to stand up and stand out to a degree we are uncomfortable with?  Did that agreement get made for a time of day when our metabolism really can’t go at a reasonable speed (i.e., a breakfast meeting)?  Looking at all the times we were ever late, if we’re honest, what were the causes?  Could one cure be to change the way we make our agreements?  Make notes for yourself with all your answers to these questions.

Would we be happier if we were always on time?  Would our relationships be better?  You choose.  And that’s Upbeat Living!

——-

Next time, we’ll discuss more causes, effects, and cures for lateness.  Meantime, please keep sending your comments on lateness to kebba@kebba.com. Thanks!

 _________________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition. Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office.  Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .
• Recent changes have made our Facebook likes look low.  Would you click “Like” in the right-hand column?  You’ll get our appreciation and a huge rise in your good karma!

 

Lateness Stress: You?

Tags

Kebba Buckley Button, late, Lateness Stress, stress, UpBeat Living

© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M.  World Rights Reserved. 

 

Quick!  What do you think of lateness, either theirs or yours?  Have you ever had a problem with being on time, or have you dealt with others who do?  When I committed to write this article, I had no idea how vast a subject I was taking on, in spectrum and substance.  Not only is this a quietly hot topic, but it also has been studied by legions seeking solutions.  Surveying colleagues and friends, I’m finding that most people like to be on-time and are secretly angry when others are late.  Thoughts on both the causes and solutions vary wildly.

I first started thinking about lateness, when, as a child, I realized I knew one chronically late adult person (CLP) and one chronically early adult person (CEP).  I noticed the CLP would go to everything 20 minutes late, thus—I finally realized—reducing the unpleasant event by 20 minutes each time.  That’s a savings of 200 minutes across 10 events.  The CLP would answer the phone, knowing that we should have left 10 minutes ago, thus ensuring that the 5 minute call made us 15 minutes late.  But then it was “time to change clothes!”   Sometimes, we got to the car door, and the CLP heard the phone, unlocked the house and went back in, to answer it.  Pleading made no difference.   It was agreed to set the clocks forward 20 minutes, to help the CLP, but of course, the CLP knew about the 20 minute “grace period” and maintained that margin still.  The CEP liked to arrive early by at least 20 minutes, which served wonderfully for medical and business appointments.  However, it caused an embarrassing strain for party hosts.

It has been said, humorously, by some who are often late:

Being on time never killed anyone, but why take a chance?

I encountered a stern standard for timeliness in “Omega Vector Training”.  The leaders viewed lateness as something unnecessary, which you had created, to sabotage yourself.  At the beginning of the course, you committed to be on time for sessions.  “On time” was clearly defined as “in your seat, ready to listen and participate”.  A one-minute piece of music was played to signal “move to your seats”.  Neither stomach flu nor a flat tire was an excuse; these were seen as factors you had created.  Participants not in their seats at the last chord of the music got to stand in front of everyone and be processed about their lateness.  That training helped me to see life participation as a series of values-based agreements, with relationships bonded increasingly by the keeping of those greements.  When we agree to an appointment, we are setting a verbal contract, and keeping it shows respect for both the party we are meeting and ourselves.

If we are late, is it possibly because we don’t really want to do that thing, or because we are afraid?  Is it too many people, too much noise, or too much potential conflict?  Might we be called upon to stand up and stand out to a degree we are uncomfortable with?  Did that agreement get made for a time of day when our metabolism really can’t go at a reasonable speed?  Looking at all the times we were ever late, if we’re honest, what were the causes?  Could one cure be to change the way we make our agreements?  Make notes for yourself with all your answers to these questions.  What do you notice?

Would we be happier if we were always on time?  Would our relationships be better?  You choose.  And that’s Upbeat Living!

Next time, we’ll discuss more causes, effects, and cures for lateness.  Meantime, please keep sending your comments on lateness to kebba@kebba.com. Thanks!

 __________________________________________________________________

 

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office.  Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com. 
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: calendar@kebba.com .
• Recent changes have made our Facebook likes look low.  Would you click “Like” in the right-hand column?  You’ll get our appreciation and a huge rise in your good karma!

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: What’s Your Excuse?

Tags

at choice, choices, Effective living, energy, Excuse removal, Excuses, Kebba, late, Relationships, responsibility, responsible, stress, stuck, unstuck

Karen Gridley- The Excuse Removal Expert

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved

When you were a kid, you probably remember some other kid telling the teacher, “[T]he dog ate my homework!’  The kid’s excuse was the reason s/he gave for not having the homework done, or at least not having it to turn in.  The “excuse” was offered in the hope of being exempted from responsibility for the commitment, in this case, arriving with completed homework.  The kid was not taking responsibility.

A friend produces an e-newsletter every week, for a large group.  Between list maintenance and editing the event submittals every week, she spends an average of a half day a week on the e-newsletter.  She finishes the newsletter event section each week, when a particular entertainment event submittal comes in.  That event depends on newspaper event  listings, which come out early a particular day each week.  Recently, my friend received an email request, just as she was finishing sending the week’s e-newsletter.  The requester wanted her to send out an event announcement for a couple of days forward.  My friend e-replied that she had needed the event information by the night before, or at the latest, by 9 am that morning.  She said, the e-newsletter has already gone out for the week.  The Editor highlighted the section of the e-newsletter that gave the deadline.  The requester wrote again, asking if the Editor couldn’t make an exception just this one time; the Requester said she had been waiting for the entertainment listing to be determined, so she would not create a conflict with the entertainment event for the same date.  The Editor had received the entertainment event information  5 hours before the late request.  She chose not to waste her time and energy replying again.

The Editor was curious as to what the late requester was doing during the 5 hours between the time the entertainment event details were emailed to her and the time the requester emailed the Editor.  And why did the requester not dial the phone and ask the Editor to “hold the presses”?  The Editor’s phone number is conveniently listed in every week’s e-newsletter, as well as in the print newsletter, and on the group’s websites.  If  you think the late requester could have been more effective, then you understand that “waiting for the entertainment event details” was simply an excuse.

If you love making excuses, rather than taking responsibility for making things go the way you want, then you will love this website:  http://madtbone.tripod.com/, or, “The Mother of All Excuses Place”.  The site was inspired by a wealth of excuses people in a particular workplace offered, for not coming to work for the day.  The collection was so entertaining that it expanded to include sections for:  missing school and homework excuses, police or accident excuses, kids excuses, getting out of family events and holiday functions, breaking dates, doctor excuses, doctors note, missing church, wedding, diet excuses, why I ate that, debt excuses, tax excuses, not paying the rent, getting out of home repair excuses, unwanted house guest excuses, jury duty, defense excuses, not voting, no sex, miscellaneous excuses, excuses for becoming addicted to online slots, excuse related humor, and more.

Professional coach and speaker Karen Gridley is known as The Excuse Removal Expert^TM . Gridley takes a kind, yet no-nonsense approach to excuse-making.  She wants you to take responsibility and see life as what you are creating.  She says excuse makers collect excuses and talk a lot about how their outcomes are out of their control.  Whereas, she says, recovering excuse makers continue to examine how their own thoughts, beliefs, and actions (or non-actions) actually created their outcomes.  Gridley says those who give up making excuses experience freedom and empowerment.

Is there something that didn’t come out the way you would have liked?  What was your role in creating that situation?  Ask Karen Gridley and she’ll tell you to take responsibility, in order to reap the rewards.  Why?  Because, after all, it’s your life.

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