UpBeat Living: Yin and Yang in Love and Friendship

Tags

Balance, Friendship, Love, Relationships, Yin and yang

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Everyone has heard of yin and yang.  Some people even say they have had frustration “up the yinyang”.  This last is a nonsense phrase.  However, yin and yang are very powerful and useful concepts.  Balancing the two forces yields harmony, happiness, and success.

Bagua by NVTOfficeClips

 

In ancient oriental philosophy, yin and yang are the opposing forces of the Universe.  Yin is the expanding forces of the Universe and yang is the contracting forces of the Universe. Some master teachers have taught that yin is the femaleness of the Universe and yang is the maleness of the Universe.  However, this limits the concepts.

Picture a tree that flowers and fruits.  As the branches and twigs grow and extend themselves, they are expressing yin, or expansion.  As the roots go down, they are expressing yang, or contraction.  Sweetness is a flavor with the quality of yin.  The flowers and fruits on the branches of our tree are sweet. If you eat a lot of sweet food, such as candy, your brain will not work well and may start to feel like it has expanded to possibly outside your head.  This may be a sugar high.  Certainly is a yin effect   To counter the yin effect in your diet, slowly subtract sweet foods and add more yang foods, such as ginger root, which is very yang.  Don’t add too much yang to your yin diet at once, or your solid output may contract to something very dense like rabbit pellets—the yang effect.

Everything has relative degrees of yin and yang.  Femaleness is generally yin, and maleness yang.  Introversion is a yin quality and extroversion is yang.  The Moon and night are both yin, while the Sun and daylight are yang.  Cold is yin, heat is yang.  Quiet is yin, loudness is yang.  The key to using these concepts is balance.  To feel our best, we need yin– yang balanced environments.  A workplace is most harmonious with about half yin people (mainly women) and about half yang people (mainly men).  In a workplace of all men but one woman, the extra yang energy will drain toward the woman, and she will be tense and possibly become aggressive.

In love, a yin person may be happiest with another yin person, feeling understood, and feeling a natural commonality.  Some say, “like attracts like.”  Both will be cold in the same temperature room.  Both will get weary of a party quickly, due to the excess yang energy.  Both will tend to recharge by going to a quiet area alone and not talking.  In friendship, same-energy pairs make some of the longest, closest bonds.  Conversely, a yang person may be most compatible with a yang person, as they will both tend to be warm-natured and want animated conversations and lively parties.  They may enjoy going to massive sports events and shouting together.  An argument between these two may be very heated (yang), then burn out.

However, another truism says “opposites attract”, and many couples have one yin partner and one yang partner.  Differences can fascinate and each can modify the other’s yin– or yang- excesses.  How yin or yang are you?

Think about your own nature in terms of these ancient opposite forces.  Consider what friendships and relationships have worked for you, and where the conflicts or missing elements were.  Now, as you step forward (yang behavior) or receive expressions of interest (yin behavior), recognize what feels natural to you.  Seek, or receive, and filter by the basics of your nature.  You’ll find the most lasting bonds for a lifetime.

———————————————

● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (on Amazon.com >Books>Buckley), and the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (on Amazon.com >Books>Button).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Reblog from Joanne Deck: Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

Tags

at choice, choices, finding love, Kebba, lifestyle, Love, Mental equivalents, Relationships, romantic love, romantic relationship, waiting for sex

Joanne Deck, CWC

This blog was written by Joanne Deck, posted June 29th, 2012. Posted in Blog, Sane Sex for Singles, http://www.joannedeck.com/blog/just-because-you-can-doesn’t-mean-you-should/

Joanne Deck is the award-winning author of Worth Waiting For:  Sane Sex For Singles.  Joanne is a wellness coach who totally walks her talk.

__________________________________________________________

The sexual freedom presented in the movies and on television today has many people unsure how to behave.  I saw evidence of this when I was dating, and this phrase frequently came to mind: just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  Freedom doesn’t only mean the right to say “yes”; it also includes the opportunity to say “no thank you” or “not right now.”

I love the idea of freedom.  It angers me to think that when the pill was introduced in the 1960s, physicians tried to keep it from women because they thought it gave them too much freedom.  Thankfully their attempts to confine women were unsuccessful, and the pill turned 52 on May 9 of this year!

While the pill gave women more freedom, it also gave them more responsibility.  They could no longer blame fear of pregnancy as the reason to say “no.”  Women had to own their feelings and claim the right to control, protect, and honor their bodies.  In a sense, that’s what sane sex is all about.  To postpone physical intimacy until emotional intimacy develops places a high value on our bodies, acknowledging that they are a treasure and not to be shared freely or thoughtlessly.

This Independence Day I encourage you to recognize and celebrate all the forms of freedom you enjoy, including sexual freedom.  While we’re at it, we can and should take a moment to be grateful to all those who paved the way so that we can enjoy being free to choose today.

________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com . Reach the guest blogger at Joanne@JoanneDeck.com.

UpBeat Living: Which Puppy is for You?

Tags

choices, finding love, Kebba, Love, Mental equivalents, puppies, Relationships, sharing love, The life you want, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved

When you think of puppies, what do you feel?  Does your face break out in a huge, soft smile?  Does your whole body relax with joy?  When you pick up a puppy, how do you feel?  Do you feel love?

There is an iconic story, author unknown, of a farmer who had some puppies he needed to sell.  One version goes as follows:

The farmer painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.  “Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”  “Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then, reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.  “I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called.  Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly, the mother dog, followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.  Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward
the others, doing its best to catch up.

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said,
“Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his
trousers.  In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made
shoe.  Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone
who understands.”

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.  Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.  “How much?” asked the little boy.

“No charge,” answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”

This story speaks to one of the most primal instincts we have:  to love and to be loved by someone who understands us.  The puppy with uneven legs represents unconditional love.  He also is a being that the little boy can pour out love to.  The puppy will be receptive to being loved affectionately and will be expressing his love with warmth and affection.  Think of the different personalities, enthusiasm, and receptivity of the different balls of fur rolling out of the doghouse.  So, what are you looking for in friends and in loving relationships?  Which puppy would be for you?  Where does your love want to go?

________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: What’s It Take for a Wedding?

Tags

choices, finding love, fulfilled, grateful, Love, Marriage, romantic love, Wedding

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved

Photo by Ron Button

When you think of a wedding, what images come to mind?  Do you think of a church, or a country club lawn?   Would there be pews or rows of chairs filled with well-dressed people, and a bride in a formal white gown?  Do you picture many flower arrangements, men in matched suits, organ music or a string quartet, and an officiant in robes?  Is a series of pre-parties something you expect, such as a bridal shower, a bachelorette night, and a bachelor party or weekend?

Perhaps Kim Kardashian comes to mind, with a very high-end wedding, very expensive clothes, and the most expensive wedding registry gifts known publically in decades.  A friend tells of her ex-husband paying for such a regal wedding, including a custom wedding gown that cost $15,000.  When Prince Charles married Lady Diana Spencer at Westminster Abbey, Diana’s gown was very full with a train requiring attendants, and the coach carrying the couple away from the church was part of a parade through London.  When British royals marry, a subculture of souvenir production flourishes: every object from pencils to plates to teapots is emblazoned with the couple’s official photo and sold as mementos.  Of course, at this level of public attention, everything is televised.

Perhaps you’re thinking of something simpler.  Do you think of Julia Roberts marrying Lyle Lovett on the beach, barefoot, in flowing, gauzy clothing?  Do you remember hippies in communes, wearing flowing cotton clothing and affirming their love without even a marriage license, then serving a vegetarian feast?  As a minister who officiates weddings, I have seen both complex and elegantly simple wedding plans.

In the 1980’s, a couple made arrangements to have their wedding in the Grand Canyon.  Yes, actually in the Canyon.  The bride spent many weeks having a special bridal gown/costume made, with both riding pants and a detachable skirt.  The couple reserved mules to carry the wedding party down to Indian Garden, where the ceremony was performed.  Attendees were expected to wait for the ceremony time and listen by radio at the corral on the South Rim, or to hike to the ceremony and return to the Rim.  The wedding party went on to lodgings at the bottom of the Canyon.

I worked with one couple who wanted a small formal wedding in their lovely home.  They wanted only a small gathering of mainly family members.  We refined the ceremony and set a date.  They got their license and ordered their wedding rings.  Two weeks before the ceremony, a family tragedy took place, and the couple let me know it would not work to have the wedding for some time.  A few weeks later, I had the strange intuition to put on makeup in the morning, although I was only taking the car for emissions inspection.  While stuck in a long line of cars, I got a call from my couple, saying they just really wanted to get married.  They asked what I was doing right now.  I told them my car and I were stuck in line, but I would call as soon as I emerged.  The couple said, “Good!  Then we’ll pick up the rings!”  We met at the jewelry store and discovered a lovely landscape area for the ceremony.  I performed a short, off-the-cuff ceremony with all the key elements, and the jewelers were delighted to serve as witnesses.  The couple in love was married.  Much later, the bride told me how happy and peaceful she and her husband were together.  She told me her daughter’s wedding had cost $30,000 (in 1990 dollars), and that marriage had lasted 6 months.  Financial investment does not guarantee marriage longevity.  Note that years later, Kim Kardashian’s ultra-expensive wedding led into a marriage that lasted 72 days.

Yesterday, I received a call asking me to officiate a wedding for a very gracious young couple I know.  They wanted to be married today.  They were ready with a license and relatives in town, for a very small wedding in their condo.  I knew they were completely committed to each other.  So why not?  I packed my ministerial robe, a ceremony program, and a CD player with wedding music, and off I went.  Today the couple in love are married (see photo above).

What’s it take to make a wedding?  Besides the officiant and the license, only the elements you want.  Shape the wedding to your own personalities and desires.  And may your wedding be your very own style of launch for the joy-filled marriage of your dreams.

________________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Keeping Your Relationship Long & Great

Tags

choices, fulfilled, happy, Relationships, romance, romantic relationship

Photo by Egidijus Mika

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button, M.S., O.M.  World Rights Reserved.

February is the month of romantic love.  We celebrate romantic love in many ways, with cards, candy, flowers, décor, and dinners.  People crave connection, and romantic love is perhaps the strongest sort of connection.  Singles seek connection with potential partners.  Couples, whether  married or living together, often celebrate their connection on Valentine’s Day.  Hopefully, those couples are planning to celebrate their relationships, how wonderful they are, and how long those relationships have lasted already.  Even more powerful is when each partner celebrates the other, who that person is, and what delight that partner brings to the marriage.  There is no need to wait until Valentine’s Day to celebrate.

However long a relationship has been, how can a couple keep their relationship enjoyable and engaging for a long time?  Marriage Therapist and author Todd Creagor, MCSW, has the answers.  In his book, The Long, Hot Marriage, Creagor says the overall goal is to create a durable connection that heals and makes each whole.  He says partners need to relate creatively, experiment, and generally expect and cultivate a level of change, to keep the relationship fresh, emotionally and sexually.

Creagor says for most couples, communication problems come from 3 dynamics:  the urge to prove oneself right, the need to vent, and defending oneself.  Most people dislike conflict and steer away from the inevitable disagreements, especially if condescension or raised voices are involved.  Avoiding pain creates distance between partners.  Therefore, ineffectively handling these dynamics can kill a relationship.  In his book, Creagor outlines considerations and strategies for keeping the conversation constructive between spouses.  In general, he says, choosing connection over control is a winning strategy for everyone.  Before you speak or act, ask yourself, “is this going to give me more or less of what I really want?”

Strengths Creagor suggests we all cultivate are our own health and well-being and the ability to hang in there while we are experiencing discomfort.  The better we feel overall, the more perceptive and relaxed we can be, and the better we handle any stress that comes along in the relationship.  So it is important to eat an energizing diet and be fit.  This will also help our sexual relationships, so why not start working your personal health program now?  Creagor says we can and should develop our “emotional muscles”, including our “listening muscles”.  When conflict arises, we can practice holding our ground, calming ourselves while remembering to listen to our partner and let him/her know we are listening.  And remember, keeping score is for sports, not relationships!

So how can couples keep the romance alive and the sexual dimension hot?  First, whenever you talk with your partner, ask yourself if you can be a positive influence on him/her.  Then, Creagor recommends each partner try one new romantic gesture each week, especially if the idea of romantic behavior is new to you.  A few examples might be:  Write a love poem.  Ask your partner what would be a romantic thing s/he would like, and do it.  Plan a date that consists of some quiet time together, such as a gondola ride, a walk on the beach, a horseback ride, bicycling, or a drive in the country.  Prepare a favorite romantic dinner and have it waiting when s/he comes home, with rose petals (ask any florist) strewn everywhere.

Whatever you have heard about women’s and men’s natures, the generalizations may not be true of your wife/husband.  You’ll need to observe whether s/he is more interested in cuddling and foreplay or in quick and steamy sex.  Prompt conversation about preferences, and be ready to stretch your comfort zone to try new things in the bedroom.  Realize your partner is always growing, too, and his/her preferences and interests may change over time.  All the more reason to stay flexible about a bit of experimentation.

Are you in a marriage or long-term relationship?  Do you want it to be as deep and fabulous as it can be?  Then follow these pointers, read the book for more, and your relationship can truly be The Long, Hot Marriage. 

— Comments welcome–

________________________________________________________

Reach the writer at Kebba@kebba.com