Six Top Tips for Cooling Conflict

Tags

Arguing, conflict, difficult people, Kebba Buckley Button, peace within, stress, Stress Management

© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button. World Rights Reserved.

© eelsonova – Fotolia

 

Today’s article is inspired by the people who love to complain behind your back, and if possible, start an argument with you in person. These people are on most committees and boards. They seek to create conflict. It excites them and helps create drama. Sometimes, it makes them feel important. But it burns your time and energy. There’s a lot of advice available about dealing with negative people, and a lot of wisdom available about how exactly to word what you say to them.

I never make the mistake of arguing with people

for whose opinions I have no respect.

~Edward Gibbon

However, as a stress management expert, I recommend you not spend a lot of energy analyzing these people. Simply use energy shifts to control how much these people affect you. They do it compulsively. You, however, don’t have to get sucked in. If you like peaceful relationships, as I do, here are great strategies for diffusing conflict and hostile energy.

1. To the person who often surges up to you to bitterly complain, about anything and nothing: nod kindly, saying, “I know what you mean”, or simply, “mmmm”.
2. To the person who takes issue with everything you say, reverse the energy. You just took the snow tires off your car for the season, and this person loudly says that THEY always leave them on until MARCH. In a thoughtful tone, you say either, “[W]ell, good!” or even, “[Y]ou know, you’re right about that. I should do that.” You just eliminated their drama. After a few episodes, they may stop seeking you out. This would be good!
3. To the person above you in the organization, who says something nasty to you in front of others: walk directly to their private office and wait.
4. To the person below you in the organization, or your equal, in a club or nonprofit: when they complain, pull their energy forward by inviting them to serve on a committee that deals with the topic they complained about. Repeat as needed.
5. With all negative people and arguers: remain calm and speak back to them as though they spoke pleasantly. Their energy will come down to your calm.
6. With any negative person: while driving to work, or wherever you have to deal with them, picture their face in its typical expressions. Then keep watching until it turns to a relaxed smile. Hold that image in your mind. Notice how different they are in when you see them in person. Do this daily.

I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing. 

~ Buddy Hackett

Do you want to have the least conflict possible?  Then bypass Paralysis By Analysis, and stay light and even.  Nurture your own Peace Within.  Smile pleasantly and focus on the light and the positive. Be very busy and quickly yet calmly leave those aggressive conversations. People who love drama will calm down and start leaving you alone.  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

 

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Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

 

 

 

Upbeat Living: Your Mind’s Eye

Tags

blood pressure, energy, Ernest Holmes, exhaustion, fatigue, heat, Kebba Buckley Button, mind-body, Negativity, nervous system, positive thoughts, positivity, stress, Summer, UpBeat Living

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

iStockPhoto.com

Whatever your belief system, it is crucial to hold the most positive thoughts and images in your mind.  Ernest Holmes (1887-1960), the founder of Science of Mind, described “The Law of Mental Equivalents.”  He said, basically, that what you hold in consciousness is what you will get in your reality.  This has been proven true in a number of fields, as the brain and body take instruction from the thoughts.

 

Do you ever wonder why some people always cheerfully achieve success, while others are down in mood and fail at many doorsteps of opportunity?  Success is very much in your mind.  Your thoughts are acted out by your nervous system.

 

Try this experiment.  Find a 10-pound object or a gallon bottle of liquid, and lift it before and after you say these phrases.  Ready?  Lift the object.  Notice how heavy or light it is for you at this moment.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a weak and unworthy person.”  Your nervous system will take this literally.  Now pick up the object again.  Notice how much heavier it is?  Now reverse the effect.  Say 10 times, at any speed, “I am a vital, strong, valuable person.”  Pick up the object again.  Notice it has become lighter.

 

Affirm: I am a vital, strong, valuable person.

~ Kebba Buckley Button

 

Always remember that your brain and nervous system are listening to everything you say.  Consider the phenomenon that your brain and nervous system do not know the difference between a real situation of terrible conflict, like a nasty fight or an assault, and a portrayed situation, as in a TV show or movie.  When you are in a good mood, go to a movie theater and see any of the currently popular end-of-the human-race movies.  You know:  Machines are arising or attacking from space, and the situation is impossible.  Although not currently in theaters, Independence Day is a great example of this genre.

 

If you have a blood pressure monitor, take your blood pressure before and after you see this movie.  At the end of this movie, you will feel very stressed, your adrenaline will be rushing, and your blood pressure will be up.  You may feel hyped up or exhausted, fearful or cranky, and easily startled.  Leaving the venue, you may be driving “with a heavy foot.”

 

Your brain and nervous system thought they were in a real war.  If you really want to take in movies like this, but you want less of a stressful effect on yourself, try this.  Rent or download them, show them at home, and when you feel your stress building up, look at other objects in the room and think of puppies and babies.  Notice your whole body-mind system shifting when you shift your attention.

 

Do not get sucked into anyone’s negativity, on any subject! 

You will pay for it with fatigue and an unclear mind.

~ Kebba Buckley Button

 

Truly, you choose what stress and negativity you feed your mind and body.  Consider an apparently mundane example.  Today may be a really hot, humid summer day where you are.  It may be so hot that you would prefer to not to be out in that weather.  Your passion might be to zip efficiently from your air-conditioned home to your air-conditioned car to your air-conditioned office.  That’s a healthy strategy!  However, we all know people who, on this kind of day, must chant out loud, “Boy is it hot!  It is so sticky!  Aren’t you hot?  How can you wear that?  Aren’t you miserable?  It’s just miserable!

 

Chanting like that, the person will begin to feel hotter and hotter, because the brain is listening to every word they say.  And if you listen and/or repeat their comments, silently or to others, you will feel hotter also!  Do not dismiss this as “just psychological.”

 

The sensations are real, and you have a right to live the best and most comfortable life that you can construct for yourself.  That is the Upbeat Living philosophy.  So be ready with several cheerful replies to the heat-chanters, for when they start in.  The one I use most is (delivered in a light and cheery tone), “Yes!  You know, it’s almost like Phoenix in the summertime!”  Then I quickly leave the area so the chanter can’t argue.

 

Do not get sucked into anyone’s negativity, on any subject!  You will pay for the indulgence with fatigue and an unclear mind.  If you are a person of faith, remember God wants you to use your creativity to make the most of your life and your gifts.  God never wants you to be stalled out by negativity.

 

So do you want to live your best life now?  Great!  Then notice negative programming, make notes, and work toward creating the best brain, body, and lifestyle you can.  That’s real Upbeat Living, and it’s up to you to choose it!

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

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● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Finding Your Peace Within

Tags

at choice, Effective living, Feeling energized, happy, Kebba, peace within, stress, Stress Management, The life you want, UpBeat Living

If you are not feeling perfect peace within right now, read on.  If you are stressed, if you have any aches, pains, loss of concentration, or relationship damage from stress, read on.  If you ache for internal quietude, read on.

Peace Within, Second Edition. Photo by George Rocheleau.

Peacefulness comes from being balanced, from being clear about your beliefs, and from living in that clarity and in your connection with the Divine.  Peacefulness is supported by perfect health, whatever that means for you.

Peace within generates peace in your relationships and anywhere you go in your world.  It generates peaceful vibes that others can feel, and that they respond to.  So when you are peaceful inside your body, mind, heart, and spirit, you breed peace wherever you are.

People love a pleasant person and a pleasant experience. So a person who is quietly radiant with inner peace will be receiving positive, gentle and  enthusiastic connections with others.  Now what if everyone in the World were cultivating Peace Within?  Ghandi famously said, “[B]e the peace you want to see.”  That is the way this works.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is the author of the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition).   Keep this book with you constantly, to quickly recharge your Peace Within, with quotes, photos, and poems that take you directly there!  Kebba is a corporate stress management trainer, and she also has a holistic healing practice.

● Liked this blog?  Why not buy Kebba’s books?  Just click the links!

• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition)( http://perfectboundmarketing.gostorego.com/authors/kebba-buckley-button.html)
• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). ● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Beating Boredom

Tags

Bored, Boredom, Effective living, Enjoying life, Feeling energized, positivity, Self help, The life you want

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Fotolia

If you are even thinking about boredom, you’re bored.  Do these words resonate for you:  listless, dull, unmotivated?  Yup, you’re bored.  But wait!

Let’s sort this out a little. Is this a common feeling for you?  Do you need change?  What are you really experiencing?  Do you feel bored on the job, bored at home, or only bored when you’re with certain friends?  Then that’s Life’s way of telling you that you need change, in your job or at home.  Or you need new friends.

Boredom can actually be a physical malaise. So get your journal out, or your iPad, and start making lists.  Try answering these questions about physical stressors:

1. Am I tired?
2. Are my clothes too tight?
3. Am I frustrated about some large thing, like needing to get a project done, and it seems to go on forever?
4. Do I need a snack/beverage/meal?
5. Is the air polluted today, or is the weather changing?
6. Do I have a comfortable chair or couch on which to relax?  Do I need to get one?
7. Have I exercised 20 minutes or more today?

Boredom can be Flat Brain Syndrome, either from working too much or being under-challenged.  In either case, a novelty break will do wonders for you.  Go for a scenic drive.  Go to a movie and then walk around the mall.  Visit the zoo or hike the Botanical Garden; take pictures of tiny things and of panoramas.  Three hours of change will do wonders for your brain and your attitude.

If you only have a half-hour to work on your boredom, try just taking a hot shower and styling your hair a fresh way.

Boredom is a sure signal that you need something.  Or several somethings.  Consult with yourself and bring help to your inner Bored Person.  Soon your mood, your energy, and your interest in life will be back.  You’ll thank yourself later!  And please comment on how you have conquered your boredom.

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● If you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column.  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a Master’s Degree scientist, a minister, and the award-winning author of  the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr), and also Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br).  She also has a natural healing and stress management practice and is a celebrated public speaker.

 

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Roger Ebert on Remaking His Voice

Tags

Cancer, Gratitude, irrepressible, positivity, Roger Ebert, Upbeat, UpBeat Living

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Roger Ebert 2002
Photo by Andrew Sullivan

In the previous post, UpBeat Living celebrated the irrepressible, upbeat nature and achievements of Roger Ebert, who sadly passed away on April 4^th.  Today, we celebrate his final project, Remaking My Voice.

Known primarily as the most authentic and truly blunt film critic to grace our TV screens, Ebert had been a chatty communicator since at least grade school.  In first grade, he was told he talked too much.  By High School, he was a reporter serving the school newspaper.  By age 25, he was working for the Chicago Sun-Times.  He continued to work for the Sun-Times in various media until his death.  He used his voice for radio, television, and movies.

In what could have been seen as a tragedy, Ebert went on to lose his physical voice in 2006.  Cancer surgery made it impossible for him to talk.  After an apparently successful operation to rebuild his jaw, Ebert thought he was going back to work in a few weeks.  He had pre-taped six weeks of programs.  However, one day his carotid artery—the huge artery that runs along the side of the side of the neck, behind the jaw, and up into the brain— burst. His doctor said he had never seen anyone survive a carotid artery rupture. Ebert then spent a year in the hospital and had six more ruptures of the carotid.  The team gave up on reconstruction of the jaw.  His physical voice was done.  Ebert would later write: “[H]uman speech is an ingenious manipulation of our breath, within the sound chamber of our mouth and respiratory system.  We need to be able to hold and manipulate that breath, in order to form sounds.”  He could no longer do that.  But he was still sparkling, animated, and funny.

Now this dynamo simply accelerated into new forms of expression, as well as greatly stepping up his writing via blogs and Twitter.  He began “speaking” by keyboarding at a computer that spoke for him.   Saying he had always taken for granted the ability to speak, Ebert presented a TED talk in 2011 (www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNXOVpN8Wgg).  Sitting with his wife and three friends, they shared the narrative and Ebert finished with a joke, which he keyboarded into a laptop that spoke for him.

Ebert’s final message to those of us “listening”:  “[W]hat you see is not all you get!”  To attempt rebuilding his jaw, surgeons had harvested bone from his shoulders, which actually affected not only his shoulder profile, but also the way he walked.  Now missing a jaw altogether, Ebert had an unusual face shape.  He found that people would stare, and some would assume he was deaf, then shouting to him.  Only his physical voice was missing.  Through technology, he had found his greater voice, and he could express himself more and better than ever.  In his TED talk, Ebert did not talk about gratitude for life as such, but he expressed it, in his lively ebullience and his obvious love for communication, for his wife, and for his friends.  This was a man who truly lived.

Roger Ebert:  a voice for the ages.  Let us continue to hear him and his message.

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● If  you enjoy this post, please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column.  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a Master’s Degree scientist, a minister, and the award-winning author of  the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr), and also Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br).  She also has a natural healing and stress management practice and is a celebrated public speaker.

 

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

UpBeat Living: Two Thumbs Up, Roger Ebert!

Tags

Celebrating the good, enjoy, living beyond, positivity, Roger Ebert, The life you want, UpBeat Living

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Photo by Microsoft

This column, UpBeat Living,  is about celebrating life.   It’s about accentuating the positive in our words and attitudes, in our choices of friends, colleagues and projects.  It’s about turning any negativity into constructive response.  It’s about converting “stress” into worthy choices and forward motion, turning problems into projects.

Today, UpBeat Living celebrates a man who robustly lived a life in forward motion: Roger Ebert. This famous film critic helped define that profession and set standards many are still trying to meet.  With his authenticity and ability to make his points clearly and succinctly, Roger Ebert stood alone.

It’s hard for me to remember a time in movie history when Siskel and Ebert were not on the air.  I’m sure, during the Silent Movie Days, they were there already, with closed captioning or hand-held signs, giving us their honest and well-considered opinions.  Picture them on the silent screen, sitting opposite each other, and holding a sign up with one hand, holding a thumb up or down with the other hand.  A piano would be playing in the background, urgently if they were arguing, and lyrically, if the two were in agreement.  Today, it’s silence only, for the two great movie critics.

Gene Siskel died in 1999, and Roger Ebert died on April 4th.  The two began working together, hosting a PBS TV show, reviewing movies, in 1975– a bit after the days of silent movies–  taking it to syndication in 1982.  Siskel stayed until 3 weeks before his death.  Ebert wept on air in the next episode, as he saluted Siskel and their partnership, then continued forging his creative path.

Whatever stage of life Roger Ebert was in, he went at it with gusto.  He began life as a movie critic with the Chicago Sun-Times in 1967 and still wrote for them until his death.  He would eventually author 20 books and hundreds of columns, co-create countless television episodes for film reviews, visit Sesame Street a few times, author screenplays, and give a TED talk. Even after he was diagnosed with thyroid and salivary cancer in 2002, he lived with the condition with grace.  He kept smiling, and his eyes were bright with passion.  After surgery in 2006, he finally lost his jaw, his ability to speak and his ability to eat.  Unrecognizable from the square-faced man we had seen for many years, he still seemed to smile all the time, and his eyes danced with joy.

Roger Ebert celebrated his life with his wife, attorney Chaz Hammelsmith Ebert, whom he married in 1992.  She has said their life was better than any movie.  In recent years, Roger Ebert spoke through his blog, his 800,000-follower Twitter account, and a voice-synthesizing computer.  He exuded enthusiasm, wonder, and happiness.  Once he lost his physical voice, he wrote and presented a Ted talk about the importance of “voice” on different levels of life (www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNXOVpN8Wgg).  So the man who made his name using his voice to talk about films had created his most important work, a film, without using his voice.

My review of his film:  Excellent!  Two thumbs up.  You will long inspire us, Roger!

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (on Amazon.com at (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br) , and the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (on Amazon.com at http://tinyurl.com/abd47jr).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: The UpBeat Living Energy Equation(sm)

Tags

at choice, Effective living, energy, exhausted, Feeling energized, Health, Kebba, Negative stress, Positive stress, stress, Stress Management

© 2013 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Microsoft

Today, there are two take-home messages:  using the word “stress” to mean “focus”, and using the UpBeat Living Energy Equation(sm).  Enjoy!

1.  Use the Word “Stress” for Focus

When people talk about “having stress,” sometimes they mean causes and sometimes they mean effects. For example: people say they “have stress” when they mean they have too much to do.  Other people say they “have stress” when they mean they have headaches or other physical results of their reactions to having too much to do.  So, some people are telling you about conditions that could cause stress, and some people are describing the symptoms in their bodies. It’s certainly valid to say you have too much to do, or any other situation you don’t like.  However, it adds to your confusion and therefore to your stress, to throw causes, choices,and results all into the mental bucket labelled “stress.” I want you to clear your mind by changing the way you use this word “stress” now. Think of what you want to  “stress,” emphasize, or “focus on,” in your life. Think of people saying, “The Mayor gave a speech today, and he stressed how important it is that we improve the quality of  downtown lifestyle.” In this example, the Mayor put emphasis on a topic.  He made it important.

So how can you imitate that?  What do you want to make important?  How do you want your life to be? Do you want to spend your life responding to annoyances? To Discover The Secret Energized You, it is vital that you become an Energy Manager in your life instead of managing the stress around you.

2.  Live By the UpBeat Living Energy Equation^sm

Now that you are focusing and emphasizing, you’ll find The UpBeat Living Energy Formula is simple yet powerful:   ADD POSITIVE STRESS TO GET MORE ENERGY, AND ADD NEGATIVE STRESS TO GET LESS ENERGY.  We have less overall energy with more negatives in our day and more overall energy by adding positives to our days and our lives. Negative stress makes us tired, and positive stress gives us energy.  So: what are some positives you could add to your life?

If you aren’t convinced yet, that stress can create either disease or wellness, here are some of the many potential negative health effects of negative stress, if it is allowed to go uncontrolled for too long:  mental distress,loss of concentration, depression, crabbiness, emotional outbursts, physical pains, illnesses, aging, shorter lifespan, and even death.

One emotion that has been proven seriously damaging to our health is anger. In biomedical studies announced in 1995, The Heartmath Institute learned that persons who hold an angry thought of their choosing for only five minutes have seven nervous system factors depressed for six hours. The factors are functions of a part of the nervous system which controls the body’s immune system. Therefore, we know anger damages the immune system. And how many of us, when we have a really hot, angry thought going, limit ourselves to only five minutes?

It is vital that we learn to see things differently and respond differently, or learn to discharge anger. Some simple discharge techniques will be covered later in this series.  You may be surprised at how enjoyable these methods can be.

Consider journalling out your thoughts about the types of stress causes and effects you have in your life.  What’s going on for you, and what are you focusing on?   It’s your life.

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You, and the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Reblog from Marcie Brock: Your thoughts grow the garden of your success– do you want weeds or flowers?

Tags

at choice, Attracting, choices, Inner Critic, Mental equivalents, Positive languaging, Stress Management, The life you want, unstuck

This article was shared by Laura Orsini of Write/Market/Design, under her blog character, “Marcie Brock, Book Marketing Maven.”  The two photos are from the original article.  Enjoy!

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In line at the grocery store yesterday, I overheard a conversation between the clerk and the woman in front of me.  She seemed to be having trouble with the credit card machine until the clerk reassured her it was working properly – albeit a little slowly. “Oh, that’s good. I thought I broke it. That’s usually my job – breaking things.”

YIKES!! My self-sabotage language meter spiked into the red zone! Doesn’t she realize what she’s saying? I almost wondered aloud. If that’s true, it’s no doubt a self-fulfilling prophesy. She tells herself she always breaks things, and lo and behold, she always breaks things.

We’ve talked about how our thoughts and self-talk affect our results before, but I felt compelled to write on it today, because there’s more to this story. As I was getting in my car after purchasing my own groceries, I noticed the same lady pulling out in something of a beat-up sedan. There, on the back of her car was this bumper sticker:

Whatever I might have surmised previously, the language I heard this woman use in the checkout lane wasn’t an anomaly. She probably spends her life wondering why nothing goes her way, and yet she wears the reason right there on her rear bumper: she creates that for herself!

What does this have to do with your success as an author, publisher, speaker, and expert in your field? EVERYTHING! If you’re not seeing the success you want and feel you deserve, a good place to start your examination of why is in your self-talk.What are you telling yourself, day in and day out? Are you constantly reenforcing the message that you’re a great

author and people will love reading your books – or are you sending yourself little digs like, “Who’s going to want to read this anyway? There are a hundred other books on this subject all better than mine”?

The thing is, we all do it. Even those of us most practiced at positive self-talk occasionally fall into the trap of self-doubt and self-sabotaging messaging to ourselves. The thing to do about it is recognize it, and then make every effort to reprogram your neural pathways to create positive messages instead. One of the best ways you can do that is by working with a coach, mentor, or other unbiased individual who will help you notice your patterns and adjust them.  Once you start making these adjustments for yourself, however, be ready to begin noticing all the other people out there who are still trapped in self-discouraging language.

Coaching can be viewed one of two ways: as an expense or as an investment. I know for a fact that the $3,000+ I spent on coaching this last calendar year has moved me forward substantially, in terms of my own expectations for myself, as well as in my results.

You certainly don’t have to hire a coach to see positive results, but doing so will help you cut your learning curve to a fraction of what it might be on your own. And if you look at almost every successful person you admire, chances are they have a coach who supports and encourages them to keep on making progress.

I read a quote yesterday that really struck me, a new take on an old aphorism: Don’t believe everything you hear think.

If your thoughts haven’t been so empowering lately, I encourage you to shake them up a bit so you start to see different results!

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● Looking for better skills at positivizing language and creating positive outcomes?  Kebba Buckley Button can help you!  Call our office at 480-250-1177 or email kebba@kebba.com.

● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You, and the 2012 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column!

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Strategies for Desert Summer Thriving, Part 1

Tags

at choice, choices, energy, Feeling energized, heat, Kebba, Summer

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

So before you came to the desert Southwest, did they tell you the summers can be a bit warm?  In cities like Phoenix, Tucson, El Paso, Needles, Laughlin, and Las Vegas, it can be over 105 degrees for weeks running.  In fact, it has been 120 degrees a few times, including in June 2010.  This is the region where people say things like, “It’s only 100 degrees today!”   Our vistas vary from concrete and stone cityscapes to green golf courses with lakes, to natural desert of subtle tones and often-sharp plants.  Your business or personal pursuits will likely take you through all these environments of the desert Southwest.  These tips will help you enjoy yourself and get the most out of life throughout our summer.

In our hot weeks, feeling good, being well, and being productive can be challenging. Back East, you wouldn’t dream of going out in a snowstorm unprepared.  You would of course dress properly and protect yourself from the elements.  Summer is our dangerous weather season, so you’ll want to dress properly and protect yourself.  But you can feel great and enjoy our summer, if you take these tips to heart:

1.  Accept that Summer is our physical stress season.  The heat magnifies normal stresses, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  People may be crabby and tired.  In traffic, drivers may show less attention and courtesy than usual.  Even during the cooling effects of our intense summer storms, people can be short-tempered.  Plan to simply drop your shoulders, exhale quietly, and do your best in hot and tense moments.  

2.  Get out of the heat. Do get 15 minutes of sun on your hands and face each day, for your body to produce enough Vitamin D. But you can get that while driving to an errand. The rest of the time, get out of the sun or wear sunscreen, sunglasses, and sleeves.

Walk in building shadows and park your car in the shade or in a parking garage. If you love to be outside, you can now buy special sun-blocking clothes from travel companies. You can get shirts designed to SPF 50 or higher, plus broad-brimmed hats with mesh-side crowns for through-flow of air. More difficult to find is the safari hat with its own built-in fan. Cooling neck scarves are now widely available. Soak them to activate the gel inside, and store them in the fridge between wearings.  Water bottles, with a battery-operated personal fan attached, are amusing and do actually help you keep cooler.

If you get too much heat, you’ll generally know it. But if people tell you your face is bright red, this is not good.  If your skin is totally dry, or if you feel nauseated or are vomiting, or if you feel totally drained and confused, these are clues you have heat exhaustion or heat stroke. Get to a cool, dim place, put a cool, damp cloth on your forehead, and try to drink water (chlorine removed).

3.  Protect your skin and eyes. If you don’t want to cover your skin, at least wear some sunscreen. There are new generations of sunscreen in clear or opaque forms, or colored to function as makeup foundation. Many moisturizers and makeup products contain SPF 15 or higher for day use. Most powdered mineral-based foundation makeups provide non-chemical SPF 15. If you’re wild to have tan skin, and you weren’t born with it, check out spray tanning or tanning moisturizers. Be aware that these do not provide sun protection, however, and skin cancer is rampant here. And remember to drink water. Support your skin by also eating foods that can help skin stay moist and young-looking.  These include dark greens, avocado, and fruits.  Do wear sunglasses, especially if you are not wearing headgear with a brim.

4.  Use common sense.  Rest if you need to. Plan extra time to get sufficient sleep daily.  Plan fewer activities in your week.  And focus on thriving, throughout the month.  Ask yourself often, “what would work best for my energy?”

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● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Stop Complaining Now! For Your Own Sake

Tags

Cancer, complaining, fatigue, Feeling energized, fulfilled, happy, healing, Health, Kebba, Negativity, Relationships, stress

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Anyone know someone who has only negative comments to share?  You ask this person how they are, and they give you a passionate list of things that displease them.  Sometimes, they get on a roll and will dump as long as you are willing to listen.  Socially, they soak your energy, and at work, they burn your time and make YOU look like you’re gossiping and being unproductive.

Humorous office signs are a great way to generate smiles.  One of the best is a simple word in capital letters: “KWITCHERBITCHIN”.  Huh?  A passerby has to pause for a moment and let the phrase sink in.  Then chuckle. The sign provides an instant lightening-up on the weighty topic of complaining.

What’s wrong with complaining?  First, people get weary around the complainer, don’t want to work with them or sit with them in social settings.  Kids won’t select that kid to be on their team.  Second, people stop really listening to a person who complains constantly.  Then, as in the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, people will be nonresponsive when there is a big problem or painful life event, such as a death in the complainer’s family.  When the complainer has something major to share, his would-be audience is already worn out and will automatically turn away.

Why should you quit complaining altogether?  Complaining definitely magnifies your unhappy thoughts.  You have to keep your mind on the negative when you complain.  This keeps the negative experience alive and in your current memory.  “Let sleeping dogs lie.”  When we stop commenting about something unpleasant, and shift our focus to something pleasant, the negative-story thoughts can be released from short-term memory.  We have a certain capacity in our short-term memory, so filling it with positive thoughts keeps the negative memories from being restored from “the back of your mind”, reloaded into current memory.  Going over and over a bad memory or an unhappy circumstance brings it forefront, and it will bother you more.  And more.  And more.

This does not negate the positive value of journaling, however, in which you pour out your authentic thoughts and feelings freely.  Nor does it negate the value of support groups.  However, those in support groups might want to consider the boundaries between healthy brief venting and repetitive recounting of sad/bad memories.  After the past is basically dealt with, telling the stories of past horrors can certainly bring those old negative feelings back to life, fresh in the nervous system. Do you really want to spend your day feeling down?

At the University of Missouri, Associate Professor of Psychological Sciences Amanda Rose has completed two studies of 1600 girls and boys.  The work concluded that “excessive talking” about problems is linked with depression and anxiety.  Girls tended to go over problems in great detail, while boys tended to think talking about challenges was a waste of time.

Do you know someone who seems to love to be angry?  Perhaps someone who is critical and perfectionistic, who goes rigid when angrily telling you all about their dissatisfaction?  Studies of the physical effects of anger have shown that anger affects the parasympathetic nervous system and therefore the immune system.  So a person who stays angry, critical and complaining may be sick more often, and they may be more likely to get cancer.  Do you want this to be you?

So how do you deal with complainers around you?  To that person, recounting what’s wrong everywhere may feel like telling the truth, being authentic.  What sounds like complaining to others may be valuable analytical conversation to the one recounting.

• A complainer may be a perfectionist who is not often satisfied.  Try to be more relaxed with that person by having compassion for them.
• Try to move the person from narrative, naming the problem, to problem-solving.
• But do not let them drag you down. Walk away if you have to.  Take your keys and drive away if you need to.  Remember you have a pressing appointment.

Try this:  hold yourself to a high standard, trying never to complain.  The positivity quotient of those around you will rise accordingly.  You may no longer need that KWITCHERBITCHIN sign.

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● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .