Healthy Happy Loving Life: The Pinball Machine of Life

Tags

adjusting to change, energy, Feeling energized, fulfilled, Garth Brooks, grateful, healing, Kebba, living beyond, making changes, moving on, Relationships, stress tips

Photo by http://www.livelifehappy.com

© 2021 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Today, I offer my Pinball Machine Theory of Life.   Think of the top 3 disappointing events you’ve had in life.  A relationship suddenly over.  The job you KNEW was yours, and someone else got it.  The friend who suddenly cut you off.  Remember how much that hurt?

Sometimes, it’s like you are the ball on a pinball game board.  After the token goes into the machine, and the spring launcher is pulled and released, the ball zips up the slope of the game board.  Sometimes, like the pinball, you are racing up the board of life thinking you are definitely headed in a certain direction.  Then– wham!– you get hit with a flipper.  For a moment, you don’t even know what your new direction is, right?  You’re just reverberating with the impact of the flipper (ow!), feeling the pain, and trying to get your bearings again.  Then you begin collecting yourself, look up, and see what unintended direction you are now headed in.  Yikes! Not what the plan was!  And how many time has this happened to you?

Grammy-Award winning musician Garth Brooks has a powerful song called, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.”  In the song, he tells of being out with his wife and seeing the woman he dated in high school.  In high school, he used to pray for that relationship every night.  By the time he saw his old flame again, he realized he would not be in the amazing relationship he was in with his wife, had the relationship with his old flame worked out.  So now he is massively grateful for the passing of that old relationship!  He was redirected on the Pinball Machine of Life, and now he is deeply glad.

If you are a person of faith, remember this timeless truth [Romans 8:28]:  We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him…

When the flippers hit you, you are being directed for powerful purposes, by a Wisdom greater than our own.  Do your best to deal with the hurt.  Then embrace the new opportunities that are arriving.  Be the happy and grateful pinball.

Now, doesn’t it feel great to be even more Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm?  It’s up to you!  

---

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert, holistic guide, and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She has a longtime energy healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

Six Top Tips for Cooling Conflict

Tags

Arguing, conflict, difficult people, Kebba Buckley Button, peace within, stress, Stress Management

© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button. World Rights Reserved.

© eelsonova – Fotolia

 

Today’s article is inspired by the people who love to complain behind your back, and if possible, start an argument with you in person. These people are on most committees and boards. They seek to create conflict. It excites them and helps create drama. Sometimes, it makes them feel important. But it burns your time and energy. There’s a lot of advice available about dealing with negative people, and a lot of wisdom available about how exactly to word what you say to them.

I never make the mistake of arguing with people

for whose opinions I have no respect.

~Edward Gibbon

However, as a stress management expert, I recommend you not spend a lot of energy analyzing these people. Simply use energy shifts to control how much these people affect you. They do it compulsively. You, however, don’t have to get sucked in. If you like peaceful relationships, as I do, here are great strategies for diffusing conflict and hostile energy.

1. To the person who often surges up to you to bitterly complain, about anything and nothing: nod kindly, saying, “I know what you mean”, or simply, “mmmm”.
2. To the person who takes issue with everything you say, reverse the energy. You just took the snow tires off your car for the season, and this person loudly says that THEY always leave them on until MARCH. In a thoughtful tone, you say either, “[W]ell, good!” or even, “[Y]ou know, you’re right about that. I should do that.” You just eliminated their drama. After a few episodes, they may stop seeking you out. This would be good!
3. To the person above you in the organization, who says something nasty to you in front of others: walk directly to their private office and wait.
4. To the person below you in the organization, or your equal, in a club or nonprofit: when they complain, pull their energy forward by inviting them to serve on a committee that deals with the topic they complained about. Repeat as needed.
5. With all negative people and arguers: remain calm and speak back to them as though they spoke pleasantly. Their energy will come down to your calm.
6. With any negative person: while driving to work, or wherever you have to deal with them, picture their face in its typical expressions. Then keep watching until it turns to a relaxed smile. Hold that image in your mind. Notice how different they are in when you see them in person. Do this daily.

I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing. 

~ Buddy Hackett

Do you want to have the least conflict possible?  Then bypass Paralysis By Analysis, and stay light and even.  Nurture your own Peace Within.  Smile pleasantly and focus on the light and the positive. Be very busy and quickly yet calmly leave those aggressive conversations. People who love drama will calm down and start leaving you alone.  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

 

_____________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

 

 

 

• Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
• For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

 

 

 

Upbeat Living: Biggest Secrets of the Rude and Nasty

Tags

difficult people, Nasty people, rude people, stress, Stress Management, UpBeat Living

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button http://www.kebba.com

The techniques of Upbeat Living lift people into the most joy and satisfaction, best relationships, and improved health and least aging.  Unfortunately, we all must deal with nasty and rude people from time to time.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  And that is what they want!  Some are insecure and trying to bring others down to their level.  Some see your light shining and are jealous, so they want to dim your light, if they can.  Some simply enjoy others’ pain, and they hope to hurt you, especially in front of others.

 

Secret #1:  If they do it in front of others, you actually have the advantage!  Now you can show your gracious strength in front of an audience.  The way you respond to public rudeness will win you fans for a lifetime and leave the nasty person revealed as an emotional predator.

 

Secret #2:  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and bring them back soon.  They feed off your hurt!

 

Secret #3:  There are ways to deal with them, and you can learn! So if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired, here are UpBeat Living’s top tips to beat rudeness.

 

1. For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This stress reaction, in turn, can erode the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarge your heart.

 

Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for managing your energy?  Try simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.  Now you have triumphed, and they will look for a victim who is more easily hurt.

 

Be thankful for the difficult people.  They have shown you

exactly who you don’t want to be.

 ~Unknown

 

2. For a verbal sting, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then keep walking with a pleasant smile still on your face.  Again, don’t give them energy.  Pretend they have just been “so cute”.

 

Sometimes, God uses difficult people, like sandpaper,

to rub the rough edges off of us. 

–Joel Osteen

 

3. If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, such as giving you a gag award for talking too much,  with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment. If it was at a company party, never go again.  You are so busy, you can’t think what your calendar holds for that day, when they ask you to the next company party.

 

If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.  Again, do not give them energy.

I once went 6 rounds with a man who was trying to say I was so wrong that I was “wrong in the head”.  I told him cheerfully, “[T]hat’s right!  I had a concussion years ago and haven’t been right since!”  He tried again, and I told him, “[Y]ou’re right!  I’m a head case!”  He began to frown and literally foam at the mouth, getting angrier and angrier that I was not giving him the satisfaction of becoming wounded!  A well-known nasty person, he has never tried his routines on me again. This makes me smile and think, “ha HA!”

 

4. If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Don’t initiate with them and don’t give them energy.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Consider reporting the instructor anonymously.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

 

A fractured Latin phrase advises:  Nil Illegitimi Carborundum:  Don’t let the bastards wear you down.  Don’t give them energy, or they win.  You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your happiness taking over. Why not go for it?  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

——————————————————————————————————

 

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

● Enjoyed this post?  Please click “like” in the FB widget in the right hand column!  You’ll have our undying gratitude plus a huge rise in your Good Karma.

● Please comment!

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● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UpBeat Living: Stop Complaining Now! For Your Own Sake

Tags

Cancer, complaining, fatigue, Feeling energized, fulfilled, happy, healing, Health, Kebba, Negativity, Relationships, stress

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Anyone know someone who has only negative comments to share?  You ask this person how they are, and they give you a passionate list of things that displease them.  Sometimes, they get on a roll and will dump as long as you are willing to listen.  Socially, they soak your energy, and at work, they burn your time and make YOU look like you’re gossiping and being unproductive.

Humorous office signs are a great way to generate smiles.  One of the best is a simple word in capital letters: “KWITCHERBITCHIN”.  Huh?  A passerby has to pause for a moment and let the phrase sink in.  Then chuckle. The sign provides an instant lightening-up on the weighty topic of complaining.

What’s wrong with complaining?  First, people get weary around the complainer, don’t want to work with them or sit with them in social settings.  Kids won’t select that kid to be on their team.  Second, people stop really listening to a person who complains constantly.  Then, as in the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, people will be nonresponsive when there is a big problem or painful life event, such as a death in the complainer’s family.  When the complainer has something major to share, his would-be audience is already worn out and will automatically turn away.

Why should you quit complaining altogether?  Complaining definitely magnifies your unhappy thoughts.  You have to keep your mind on the negative when you complain.  This keeps the negative experience alive and in your current memory.  “Let sleeping dogs lie.”  When we stop commenting about something unpleasant, and shift our focus to something pleasant, the negative-story thoughts can be released from short-term memory.  We have a certain capacity in our short-term memory, so filling it with positive thoughts keeps the negative memories from being restored from “the back of your mind”, reloaded into current memory.  Going over and over a bad memory or an unhappy circumstance brings it forefront, and it will bother you more.  And more.  And more.

This does not negate the positive value of journaling, however, in which you pour out your authentic thoughts and feelings freely.  Nor does it negate the value of support groups.  However, those in support groups might want to consider the boundaries between healthy brief venting and repetitive recounting of sad/bad memories.  After the past is basically dealt with, telling the stories of past horrors can certainly bring those old negative feelings back to life, fresh in the nervous system. Do you really want to spend your day feeling down?

At the University of Missouri, Associate Professor of Psychological Sciences Amanda Rose has completed two studies of 1600 girls and boys.  The work concluded that “excessive talking” about problems is linked with depression and anxiety.  Girls tended to go over problems in great detail, while boys tended to think talking about challenges was a waste of time.

Do you know someone who seems to love to be angry?  Perhaps someone who is critical and perfectionistic, who goes rigid when angrily telling you all about their dissatisfaction?  Studies of the physical effects of anger have shown that anger affects the parasympathetic nervous system and therefore the immune system.  So a person who stays angry, critical and complaining may be sick more often, and they may be more likely to get cancer.  Do you want this to be you?

So how do you deal with complainers around you?  To that person, recounting what’s wrong everywhere may feel like telling the truth, being authentic.  What sounds like complaining to others may be valuable analytical conversation to the one recounting.

• A complainer may be a perfectionist who is not often satisfied.  Try to be more relaxed with that person by having compassion for them.
• Try to move the person from narrative, naming the problem, to problem-solving.
• But do not let them drag you down. Walk away if you have to.  Take your keys and drive away if you need to.  Remember you have a pressing appointment.

Try this:  hold yourself to a high standard, trying never to complain.  The positivity quotient of those around you will rise accordingly.  You may no longer need that KWITCHERBITCHIN sign.

 ______________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Life Bats You… in a Different Direction

Tags

adjusting to change, energy, Feeling energized, friendships, fulfilled, grateful, healing, Kebba, living beyond, making changes, moving on, Relationships, stress tips

Photo by http://www.livelifehappy.com

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Think of the top 3 disappointing events you’ve had in life.  Maybe you were in a relationship you believed in, and suddenly it was over.  How about the time you had your heart set on a job, you knew you were the prime candidate, and you didn’t get it?  Then there was that friend who suddenly cut you off, with a weird reason or no reason.  Remember how much that hurt?

Enter, the Pinball Machine Theory of Life.

Sometimes, it’s like you are the ball on a pinball game board.  After the token goes into the machine, and the spring launcher is pulled and released, the ball zips up the slope of the game board.  Sometimes, like the pinball, you are racing up the board of life thinking you are definitely headed in a certain direction.  The right direction, surely.  Then you get hit with a flipper.  Ow!  For a moment, you don’t even know what your new direction is, right?  You’re just reverberating with the impact of the flipper (ow!), feeling the pain, and trying to get your bearings again.  Then you begin collecting yourself, look up, and see what unintended direction you are now headed in.  Yikes!  This is a new direction!  Not what the plan was!

Now let’s talk about that major relationship change.  Grammy-Award winning musician Garth Brooks has a powerful song called, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.”  In the song, he tells of being at a football game with his wife and seeing the woman he dated in high school.  Back then, he used to pray for that relationship every night.  By the time he saw his old flame again, he realized he would not be in the amazing relationship he was in with his wife, had the relationship with his old flame worked out.  So now he is massively grateful for the passing of that old relationship.  He was redirected on the Pinball Machine of Life, and now he is deeply glad.

Now, that perfect job you didn’t get—what changes would that have created in your life?  Changes that would have prevented something great that then did happen?  Here’s an example from this writer’s life:  20 years ago, she flew to Denver for a pre-hiring interview with an international company.  Having done projects with the CEO of the Colorado Division, she knew it was only a matter of negotiating the position and salary.  In Denver, she scoped out where to rent an apartment and what moving arrangements would be involved.  But when she called the man who was to interview her, he said he would call back in 20 minutes and never did. He never managed to meet with her during the 5 days she was there.  When the CEO asked how her conversations with the interviewer went, she told him they never even met.  The CEO said, “but I thought it was a pre-hiring interview?’  She said, “yes, I thought so, too.”  She never heard from the company again.  It was a bitter disappointment that hurt for many months.  Now, however, she sees that she would never have met and married her husband, had she been given the job in Denver.  She was redirected for a powerful reason.

As to a friend who suddenly cut you off, let’s put it in perspective and then give thanks.  Recently, a client was suddenly dropped as a friend because she declined a vacuum cleaner demonstration.  That’s right.  She politely declined an emailed request, due to an extreme work schedule.  Also, she did not know the friend-of-a-friend-of a friend that she would be helping by giving 2 hours for a demonstration of a product she could not afford.  The inviter then sent an attack email, assaulting the client’s integrity and spirituality.  The client called the inviter’s wife to ask if she felt the same way.  The wife said she would call back.  Immediately the inviter emailed the client again, nastily saying she must not go behind his back to talk to his wife, and best she not contact either of them again.  Did the client really want to be friends with people who would go ballistic over small matters?  Reconsidering a number of past hints of the nature of these “friends”, the client sadly let these friendships go.  Since, she has come to be glad they are no longer in her life.  Now she has more time for more compatible friends.  She was redirected for powerful reasons.

If you are a person of faith, remember this timeless truth [Romans 8:28]:  “We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him…”  When the flippers hit you, you are being directed for powerful purposes, by a wisdom greater than our own.  Do your best to deal with the hurt.  Then embrace the new opportunities that are arriving.  Be the happy and grateful pinball.

_______________________________________________________________

● Your comments are welcome!

 

● Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Top Tips for Retorts

Tags

Anger, choices, energy, exhausted, fatigue, friendships, Insults, Nasty people, Negativity, Retorts, stress, Upset

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

This column focuses on assisting people in getting the most joy and satisfaction out of life, even improved health and less aging.  One of the main ways to leverage life from what you have to what you want is to stop managing stress sources and manage your energy instead.  Difficult people are a very common source of stress.  They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.  How to deal with them is the subject of some columns here and a number of books.  Knowing exactly what to say to them is an art.  To respond quickly and effectively to difficult and nasty comments is an important skill set.   If you are one of those people with a fast wit, who always has a funny quip to break the  tension, great!  However, if not, and if you want to feel good instead of hurt, distracted, and tired in these situations, here are some top tips to use for retorts.

Tip #1.  For a quick insult or nasty comment, don’t react at all.  A person who walks up and says something rude to you is trying to get a rise from you.  We often have the illusion that telling them how exactly they have offended or hurt us will somehow cause them to change.  Remember “assertiveness”, circa 1985? That’s a waste of time with someone who is trying to hurt you.  Telling them how you feel will only satisfy them and increase their approaches.  Assume they will never change, or at least that changing them is not your personal mission.  Observe your blood pressure rising and your stomach and other muscles tightening while you are around this person.  This is hurting your health, your stomach lining, and your blood pressure.  This in turn erodes the integrity of your kidney valves and enlarges your heart.  Does this person have the right to do that to you?  No.  What will work best for your energy management?  Perhaps simply turning away.  And no cheating with a derisive expression—look neutral, as though the person never spoke.  Don’t give them energy.

Tip #2.   To respond to a quick verbal assault, with a cheerful smile on your face, say something extremely short and globally pleasant, such as, “Well, bless your heart!”  Then walk away with a pleasant smile still on your face.

Tip #3.  If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, with a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!”  Then quietly walk away.  No flouncing!  No making faces other than pleasant neutrality.  If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were.  If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment.  If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction and they will try again.  They may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)!  You’re so funny!”  Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know!  I’m a very funny wo/man!”  At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable.

Tip #4.  If you must see this person regularly, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, keep it light, cheerful, and brief with them whenever you must cross paths.  Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support.  If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus.  Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.

You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your true cheer taking over. Why not go for it?

______________________________________________________________

— Comments welcome!–

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .