Healthy Happy Loving Life: Maybe You CAN Do What You Can’t

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beyond expectations, choices, Doing what you can't, energy, Fear, Feeling energized, fulfilled, Healthy Happy Loving Life, Kebba Buckley Button, living beyond, unstuck

© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

Today I share stories of encouragement, of people doing things they never dreamed they could.  In tough situations, maybe you too can do things you never thought you could do.  Are you in a tough situation now?  Maybe you will end up doing what you “know” you can’t, to work through it?

East of Tucson, where the Santa Catalina Mountains meet the Rincon Mountains, there is a beautiful area called Redington Pass.  In season, water rushes over the rocks at the Tanque Verde Falls there.  In dry times, the boulders at the Falls have a smooth, eery beauty, shaped by the erosive power of the seasonal flows.  Hiking in this area is very popular, but the trails are hazardous, due to a type of rock that crumbles easily underfoot.  A woman arrived at the top of the dry Falls with a new companion who insisted they climb down the dry rocks of the Falls.  She asked, “but won’t we have trouble getting back over these huge, smooth boulders?”  Her companion insisted it would be fine.  At dusk, they were trapped adjacent to a 300-foot chasm, unable to reverse their downslope climb.  The companion leaped across the chasm to catch a fire hose that was bolted to the opposite side.  The woman climbed out using ½-inch ledges that, the week before, she would not have believed could save her.  She had just that month taken a single rock-climbing class. The next week, she read that a hiker had died at Redington Pass, because the trail fell away from under his steps.  Someone had died where the woman did what she would have thought she could not.

On April 2, John and Helen Collins were flying back home to Wisconsin from Florida in their twin-engine Cessna.  John, 81, owned several planes and was the knowledgeable pilot.  Helen, 80, was an experienced passenger, having travelled with John for decades.  Helen was recovering from heart surgery and had very little stamina.  Six miles from their destination, John had a heart attack and passed out, over the controls.  Helen contacted the Sheriff’s Department for help.  A local pilot flew up to the Collins’s plane to give Helen radio instructions so she could land the Cessna.  With help, she did what she was unable to do the day before:  she landed the plane.  She sustained only bruises.

Recently, on an idyllic beach on the coast of Brazil, dozens of people were sunning, relaxing, and swimming.  The day was easygoing and calm.  Suddenly, lumps appeared in the inbound surf.  As they got closer, it became clear that there were about 30 of them.  People started walking to the water’s edge to stare in disbelief.  It was a group of creatures swimming vigorously toward the shore.  They were actually dolphins, headed the wrong way.  Beached, they would not survive.  The people watching quickly began to experiment with ways to help.  The first tried grasping a dolphin by its fins, pulling it back toward the surf.  Others saw it was difficult to grip the fins and pull the dolphin, so they tried grasping the tails of other dolphins.  Soon, a number of compassionate humans were grasping dolphins and turning them back into the surf.  The redirected dolphins then raced away in exactly the direction they had come from, toward deep waters.  The day before, would any of these people have thought they would know how to help save a group of dolphins?  They had no experience with redirecting confused dolphins.  Yet, out of concern for creatures in distress, this group of people promptly pitched in and experimented, successfully saving all of these dolphins. 

What these three stories have in common is that the people came up with solutions when urgent needs arose.  The day before each scene, they would not have said they had these skills.  They might have laughed if someone had said, “Do you think you would ever…?”  Yet they did what they could not.  So be encouraged.  Whether you believe this was entirely human creativity or whether you see the Divine in these stories, ask yourself:  in what areas of life have you been thinking you “can’t?”  Make some notes for yourself about areas of life you wish were different, but you believe you can’t change.  Then think of the people who “couldn’t” but did.  Pick something from your list and consider stepping up.  It’s your life.  You are the only one who can live it.

And now you’re in the realm of Healthy, Happy, and Loving Life^sm!

———————————————

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She also has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Books by Kebba Buckley Button

UpBeat Living: Assuming

Tags

assuming, Assumptions, friendships, Gossip, Relationships, stress, UpBeat Living

© 2014  Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

 

Fotolia

Have you ever caught yourself assuming something you have no way of knowing?  A lot of gossip comes from, well, nothing. It’s human nature to fill in the blanks when curious about something.  But we need to take care we are neither consumed by our natural curiosity nor creating problems for someone with our assumptions and chatter.  Today, I’m  using only stories from my  direct experience, so  we can make the least and smallest assumptions.

 

Here’s a relatively harmless example  of damage created by assumptions, at a business networking meeting.  To get the dynamics, you need to know that I only ever eat small meals.  This particular group always has a buffet, so it’s interesting to see what people choose to put on their plates.  However, normally, members never comment on what others are eating.  This one day, an unusually fine-boned, thin (as in, no one is thinner) and athletic member took a massive interest in my lunch plate.

 

She asked me loudly, “[I]s that all you’re going to eat?”  I hate becoming the center of attention for something so trivial, but I replied pleasantly, “[O]h, I never eat much.”  At the same moment, this woman finished taking the food she wanted, and turning out of the buffet line, she said  even more loudly, to the room,“[O]h!  She’s on a diet!!”  To make that statement, she had to be assuming that I felt overweight and wanted to lose pounds, and further that I was choosing food reduction as a means of losing pounds. I did not enjoy the flash realization that my “friend” thought I was overweight.  Nor did I enjoy her telling the entire group that I was overweight and had decided to diet, to lose weight.  Was she trying to embarrass me?  We’ll never know, and I don’t want to assume.

 

In part, I felt humiliated. I also saw this could escalate into a group discussion, as others started peering at my plate and considering what the thin woman was saying.  I matched the thin woman’s volume and said calmly to the room, “I’m not on a diet.  I never eat much.  Don’t make stuff up!”  Interestingly, the woman kept moving, without even looking at me again, let alone apologizing.

Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

~ Miguel Angel Ruiz

 

Occasionally, someone’s brain fills in blanks with assumptions about us, where there are no facts, or the facts are the complete opposite of the resulting assumptions.  In this kind of case, great harm can result.  One year, I went to a New Year’s Eve singles party with a group of single friends.  I drink almost no alcohol, because alcohol makes me tired.  So I had only had 2 sips of champagne at midnight, enjoying the ritual of welcoming in the New Year.  Otherwise, I drank water all evening; we also danced for hours.  I felt great.  One friend got so drunk that at 12:15 am, the rest of us that came together, all 6, walked her to her car and repeatedly offered, in different ways, to drive her home.

 

Oddly, the drunk friend kept inquiring if each of us was okay to drive.  She was clearly assuming we had all been drinking alcohol, since she had been.  In the course of our extended conversation, trying to convince her to let us drive her home, she turned her concern to me.  I replied that, no, I was fine, I had had only had 2 sips of champagne.  The next day, I received a 6-minute voicemail from the previous night’s drunk friend, condemning me for drinking so heavily!  In serious and angry tones, her rant let me know how low a human I was.  She said if I wanted to abuse my body by drinking heavily and hurting my brain and liver, that was one thing.  However, she said- now in passionately angry tones- that if I wanted to drink heavily like that and then drive, that was another thing and inexcusable behavior!  She said I was taking other people’s lives in my hands by drinking and driving.

 

I returned her call and tried to talk with her. But she was completely committed to the idea that I was the drunk and dangerous one.  I gave up my friendship with her.  Several years later, she decided I had gotten over my Problem and let me know she had forgiven me!  I still avoid her.  Her assumptions consumed our relationship.  The damage was done.

 

What do you believe about people and situations?  How much of your belief system about each friend or colleague is based on fact, and how much on imagination?  If you are disturbed by someone’s behavior, is your discomfort based on actual interaction?  Or is it based on your ideas about why they said and did what they said and did?  When you are frustrated by a situation, try writing down what you actually know, what you guess, and what came from rumors.  Eliminate the guessing for a clearer picture, and try starting fresh.  Also, say nothing unless you know it’s fact.  Will you let assuming consume you?  It’s up to you.

________________________________________________________________

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article?  You can buy Kebba’s books:  just click the links!

• Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br). 
• Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core (Second Edition) (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc)             

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UpBeat Living: Doing What You Can’t

Tags

beyond expectations, choices, energy, Fear, Feeling energized, fulfilled, Inner Mentor, living beyond, unstuck

© 2012 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

East of Tucson, where the Santa Catalina Mountains meet the Rincon Mountains, there is a beautiful area called Redington Pass.  In season, water rushes over the rocks at the Tanque Verde Falls there.  In dry times, the boulders at the Falls have a smooth, eery beauty, shaped by the erosive power of the seasonal flows.  Hiking in this area is very popular, but the trails are hazardous, due to a type of rock that crumbles easily underfoot.  A woman arrived at the top of the dry Falls with a new companion who insisted they climb down the dry rocks of the Falls.  She asked, “but won’t we have trouble getting back over these huge, smooth boulders?”  Her companion insisted it would be fine.  At dusk, they were trapped adjacent to a 300-foot chasm, unable to reverse their downslope climb.  The companion leaped across the chasm to catch a fire hose that was bolted to the opposite side.  The woman climbed out using ½-inch ledges that, the week before, she would not have believed could save her.  The next week, she read that a hiker had died at Redington Pass, because the trail fell away from under his steps.  Someone had died where the woman did what she would have thought she could not.

On April 2, John and Helen Collins were flying back home to Wisconsin from Florida in their twin-engine Cessna.  John, 81, owned several planes and was the knowledgeable pilot.  Helen, 80, was an experienced passenger, having travelled with John for decades.  Helen was recovering from heart surgery and had very little stamina.  Six miles from their destination, John had a heart attack and passed out, over the controls.  Helen contacted the Sheriff’s Department for help.  A local pilot flew up to the Collins’s plane to give Helen radio instructions so she could land the Cessna.  With help, she did what she was unable to do the day before:  she landed the plane.  She sustained only bruises.  See the nearly intact plane in the MSNBC report:  http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/03/11001564-80-year-old-woman-lands-plane-after-husband-passes-out .

Recently, on an idyllic beach on the coast of Brazil, dozens of people were sunning, relaxing, and swimming.  The day was easygoing and calm.  Suddenly, lumps appeared in the inbound surf.  As they got closer, it became clear that there were about 30 of them.  People started walking to the water’s edge to stare in disbelief.  It was a group of creatures swimming vigorously toward the shore.  They were actually dolphins, headed the wrong way.  Beached, they would not survive.  The people watching quickly began to experiment with ways to help.  The first tried grasping a dolphin by its fins, pulling it back toward the surf.  Others saw it was difficult to grip the fins and pull the dolphin, so they tried grasping the tails of other dolphins.  Soon, a number of compassionate humans were grasping dolphins and turning them back into the surf.  The redirected dolphins then raced away in exactly the direction they had come from, toward deep waters.  The day before, would any of these people have thought they would know how to help save a group of dolphins?  They had no experience with redirecting confused dolphins.  Yet, out of concern for creatures in distress, this group of people promptly pitched in and experimented, successfully saving all of these dolphins.  A video shows how quickly and completely this rescue took place:   http://elcomercio.pe/player/1384898.

What these three stories have in common is that the people came up with solutions when urgent needs arose.  The day before each scene, they would not have said they had these skills.  They might have laughed if someone had said, “Do you think you would ever…?”  Yet they did what they could not.  Whether you believe this was entirely human creativity or whether you see the Divine in these stories, ask yourself:  in what areas of life have you been thinking you “can’t?”  Make some notes for yourself about areas of life you wish were different, but you believe you can’t change.  Then think of the people who “couldn’t” but did.  Pick something from your list and consider stepping up.  It’s your life.  You are the only one who can live it.

__________________________________________________________________

— Your comments welcome! —

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com .

UpBeat Living: Assuming Consumes

Tags

Assumptions, choices, friendships, holiday stress, Kebba, Relationships, social satisfaction, stress

Photo by Jessica Thomas

© 2011, Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Do you ever catch yourself assuming something not in evidence?  Yesterday, I was going over some details of a column with a colleague I was going to quote.  I described the circular communion rail in Fr. Jim Clark’s church, assuming it had become circular during a recent massive remodel of the east end of the sanctuary.  Fr. Jim kindly brought me up to speed, letting me know that the circular design has been in place for many years.  I was only in the church, St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, once before the remodel, and that was for a funeral.  When I was there for the funeral, I was sad and crying and preoccupied with concern for the bereaved family.  My brain simply did not record the fact that there was a circular communion rail.  So, some years later, my brain simply made it up that the communion rail became circular during the remodel finished this year.  In this case, no harm done.

Occasionally, someone’s brain fills in blanks with assumptions about us, where there are no facts, or the facts are the opposite of the resulting assumptions.  In this kind of case, great harm can result.  One year, I went to a New Year’s Eve singles party with a group of single friends.  I drink very little, because alcohol makes me tired.  So I had only had 2 sips of champagne at midnight, enjoying the ritual of welcoming in the New Year.  Otherwise, I drank water all evening; we also danced for hours.  I felt great.  One friend got so drunk that at 12:15 am, the rest of us, all 6, walked her to her car and repeatedly offered, in different ways, to drive her home.  Oddly, the drunk friend kept inquiring if each of us was okay to drive.  In the course of our extended conversation, trying to convince her to let us drive her home, she turned her concern to me; I replied that, no, I was fine, I had had only had 2 sips of champagne.  The next day, I received a 6-minute voicemail from the previous night’s drunk friend, condemning me for drinking so heavily!  In serious and angry tones, her rant let me know how low a human I was.  She said if I wanted to abuse my body by drinking heavily and hurting my brain and liver, that was one thing.  However, she said- now in passionately angry tones- that if I wanted to drink heavily like that and then drive, that was another thing and inexcusable behavior!  I tried to talk with her, but she was completely committed to the idea that I was the drunk and dangerous one.  I gave up my friendship with her.  Several years later, she decided I had gotten over my Problem and let me know she had forgiven me!  I still avoid her.  Her assumptions consumed our relationship.

What do you believe about people and situations?  How much of your belief system about each friend or colleague is based on fact, and how much on imagination?  If you are disturbed by someone’s behavior, is your discomfort based on actual interaction?  Or is it based on your ideas about why they said and did what they said and did?  When you are frustrated by a situation, try writing down what you actually know, what you guess, and what came from rumors.  Eliminate the conjecture for a clearer picture, and try starting fresh.  Will you let assuming consume you?  It’s up to you.

________________________________________________________________

Reach the writer at kebba@kebba.com.