© 2022 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved. http://www.kebba.com
Today we tackle that false friend: control. This HHLL series is all about the ways in which you can leverage your health, your happiness, and your enjoyment of life, with effective living skills. I want you to thoroughly enjoy your life! And one of the most-preached “truisms” is that we need to get control of our lives. That is bogus! Actually, what we need to do is control what we can, which is our own perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and actions. Whoah! And we need to let the rest go, “the rest” being what others are doing.
Some people deeply crave control. You know them. They serve you far too much dinner, rather than letting you serve yourself, or asking how much you would like, and then proclaim you must eat it all. They say, “have another drink!” but you are diabetic. They tell you what brands of clothing you “should” wear. They give you a gift, but they tell you how and when you are to use it—and you never wanted to own that, anyway. They may tell you that you shouldn’t be friends with a particular coworker. They tell you where you really ought to buy your next house.
How much can you control? Not much! Acceptance and release of “control” is key. One of my favorite network shows is Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles. In this show, millionaires and billionaires buy and sell homes so large and opulent that we would need roller skates to get around in them. Everyone always has the latest expensive hairstyle and the “right” brand of clothing. They arrive in cars that cost more than my home. But everything is perfectly clean and styled and lovely. I enjoy watching the teams negotiate, but we’ll discuss their exquisite dealing skills another day.
The biggest surprise I got, watching this show, is the realization that some people expect to control how the next buyer uses their home, after the sale! Huh? Yet it happens frequently. For example, a couple who have lived in a home for 30 years want to sell only to a buyer who appreciates that the house is a period piece by a particular famous architect. The couple wants the new buyer to leave the house as-is. If they want that control, then I think the couple should keep the house until they pass away. If and when they sell it, the ownership and rightful control will in fact transfer to the new owners. That’s the concept of transfer of ownership. So keep the house or get over it.
When the MDLLA broker Josh Altman is distressed over his wedding being postponed, he is deeply stressed, saying, “It’s out of my control!” He realizes there is absolutely nothing he can do until his beloved agrees to reschedule the wedding. For a time, this is driving him bonkers. However, he loves her madly, so he adjusts internally and goes on with what he can control: his business practice.
Recently, I saw a broadcast of a concert by the awesome multiplatinum-selling British singer Adele. In introducing a song, she said, “(T)he theme of this album is you can’t control bloody ANYTHING so just go with it.” What great advice!
So when you are aggravated by someone else’s choices, behavior, fashion brand, home remodeling, language, or table manners, notice that. Then drop your shoulders quietly and exhale. What you can control is what you say to them and how beautifully you let go of your aggravation internally. And that will be you, increasingly Healthy Happy and Loving Lifesm!
Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert, holistic healer, and award-winning author who celebrates life. She has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within: Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office. To email us, kebba@kebba.com .
Books by Kebba Buckley Button
Healthy Happy Loving Life! 
The only thing you can really control is our choice of how to respond to a situation. Other than that, we really can’t control much!
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Excellent perspective, Kebba. I’ve sadly let go of friends who were too controlling. Then realized that I wasn’t sad at all, I was relieved.
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The only control I have is me. Knowing that, it is still difficult to let go of the control other people have on me – that is my thoughts of their opinions.
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Unfortunately I’ve been around the controlling type and I use to just go along with them until I realized what was happening. What I realized their attitude changed when I talked calmly and gave them my opinion. I won’t have anyone controlling me or my family even if it means losing a controller.
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