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© 2020 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.

Kebba’s Mom, Becky Hill Buckley. Photographer unknown.

The most emotional journey of my life has been around losing my mother several years ago.  My mother slipped away, in a Denver hospital room, in January 2017.  She was surrounded by people who loved her.  She was 91.  Her heart simply gave out.  Above is a photo (cleaned up as best I could), pulled from a group event photo.  It gave us something relatively contemporary to use for her memorial service folder.

Losing Mom was a heart-ripping watershed for me.  Not in just the usual way that we miss people when they are gone.  Rather, for me, it meant the end of seeking the closeness I had always wanted with her–affection, trust, easy conversations, sharing laughs, enjoying each other’s company. Now no more trying. No more reaching out, seeking the essential Becky, getting to know the deeper heart of Mom. No more learning better what made her tick. No more asking her opinions of things.

My older sister, in charge of the estate and house, seemed to have everything in hand.  But she finally asked me to come to Denver, to help clear the garage.  I went for 3 weeks, alternating with coming home to see clients and be with my husband: there a week, home a week, there a week, home a week, and there a week.  It was April, and the weather was very pleasant.  We worked very hard!

The neatness of the garage belied the incredible concentration of the contents:  tens of thousands of documents and photos in carefully taped boxes. We discovered many photos from decades when people didn’t just photo-document everything.  I had only previously seen one distant photo of Mom from her teen years, with a horse, as a riding instructor.  But, below is an image we found of her when she was 16.  (Remind you of anyone?) Perhaps going through all those thousands of documents and photos helped me to tie up emotional loose ends.  It also flooded and overloaded my heart and mind.  Sometimes I just sat in the emptying Eudora house and cried.  It was too much.

In one of the boxes, there were what appeared to be the items you would find on top of her desk.  She and Dad had moved to Denver about 40 years ago and had a bungalow on Zephyr Street.  Of course, it was beautifully landscaped and maintained by Mom.  After Dad passed and my older sister went through a divorce, Mom and my sister decided to share a home on Eudora St. I believe the “desktop box” was created during the move from Zephyr to Eudora; someone just swept the desktop gear into a box.  In it was a tiny ziplock bag containing a plain wedding ring.  I believe it was Mom’s, removed for a medical procedure.  I wear it often now.  More floods of memories and much comfort.

Below, you can see an iconic photo of Mom in her young married years (1954?), in hat and gloves, showing us how lovely the Golden Rain tree is.  Extremely knowledgeable about plants, she was a Master Gardener from a family of avid gardeners.  All four of her daughters also became gardeners; I made my entire back yard into a Feng Shui Garden.

When she was young, Mom had a joyful, sometimes impish side. Below is an image of her sitting on what we think was a lab table, in college days.  She was a chemistry major, so you’ll be unsurprised to see the textbooks around her on her worktable. My parents would later meet at Oak Ridge National Labs in Tennessee, working for the government, in secret, building the bomb later dropped on Japan, to end World War II.

Almost four years later, I still long to talk with Mom and ask her how she felt about this or that.  I am grateful to have known Mom, and to have had her love and nurturing in my younger years. I do my best to live my own life fully, take care of my husband, and give thanks for every Go(o)d thing. I do my best to help the younger relatives stay connected and encouraged.  There is much love circulating, and I circulate it as much as possible.  I am living the life I want.  I believe Mom would be proud of me and my life.  I am truly Healthy, Happy, and Loving Lifesm!

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Kebba Buckley Button is a stress solutions expert and award-winning author who celebrates life.  She also has a longtime natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), Inspirations for Peace Within:  Quotes and Images to Uplift and Inspire, and Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine.  The books are available on Amazon and through Kebba’s office.   To email us, kebba@kebba.com .

Happy healthy loving life

Books by Kebba Buckley Button