© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, MS,OM. World Rights Reserved.
Relationships all have a balance of caring, acceptance and letting go. We find happiness and well-being in finding the best balance. That’s what I want you to find: the balance that puts you in Upbeat Livingsm.
At one time, I knew a man whose life had just changed, in every major aspect. His relationship, his career, and the part of town he lived in had all changed quite recently. He was feeling highly impacted by all these things shifting at once, even though he was looking forward to the positive results and new horizons. He seemed shell-shocked. He was trying meditation as a means to collect his wandering, stressed consciousness and perhaps help him feel grounded again. He was aware of a need to emotionally let go of his previous ideas of who he was, and also to let go of connection he had had with family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Unable to let go, he was in great pain.
The more we hang on to the past, the stronger we grip the ties that bind, the more we give the bonds strength. For example, what if we care about a relative or romantic interest who does not care much about us? The more we focus on the love we want, that we are not getting from that person, the more energy we are giving the relationship, and the stronger the bond is—on our part. Continuing to love and ache for returned love, from a person who does not return those feelings, is unrewarding. I once heard this described as, “going to a hardware store looking for milk”. Yet, giving up that one-sided caring may be extremely painful. And we must give it up.
For people of faith: the Bible encourages us, in a number of places, to let go of the past and embrace the future we are co-creating with God. For example, Isaiah 43: 18-19 offers,
Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. Behold, I am doing a new thing: now it springs up. Do you not see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Twenty years ago, I had a clear-cut experience of needing to let go. A pleasant couple who were neighbors of mine suddenly moved away. I was very fond of them and thought of them as friends. Yet, I found out they were leaving only hours before the moving van removed them from my street. My heart felt such a jolt! I asked myself what I was “missing” so strongly. I was very fond of the couple and yet knew that our friendship really never got off the ground. I would probably not hear from them again. So what were these pangs? Then my young self realized: while it is always good to like and admire people, and to wish them the best, I needed to let go of the idea that we would become friends someday. Oh yes! Time to laugh at my humanity. And I did laugh! And then I was able to let go.
When we are not getting the caring or love we want from a relationship, whether it’s Mom, a lover, or a friend, our biggest tool is acceptance. We need to adjust our feelings to fit the reality we now see. We need to move into acceptance to move out of hurt. Once we accept that we will never get what we once wanted, we have our power. We can let go.
When we let go, we get on with our relationships – with those who do reciprocate. When caring is mutual, life is more fun and fulfilling. So who and what do you need to let go of, to move on and live your best life? Because that’s Upbeat Living!
- Kebba Buckley Button is an ordained minister whose passion is helping people find their Peace Within. She also a stress management expert and has a natural healing practice. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), and Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition. Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. Both that book and Peace Within are available through her office. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org.
- Would you like an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group? Just email email@example.com .