© 2016 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.
This column is committed to helping you live with the most joy and satisfaction you can. Whatever your belief system, science and faith come together here, to give you the top strategies for the best relationships, optimum health, and least aging. This is Upbeat Living.
Unfortunately, we all get stress from dealing with nasty and rude people from time to time. Here’s what you need to know:
- Difficult people are a very common source of stress. They can totally suck your energy and leave you exhausted and frustrated– if you let them.
- That is exactly what they want! Bringing you down gives them an effect on life. It makes them feel significant.
- Some see your light shining and are jealous, so they want to dim your light, if they can.
- Some simply enjoy others’ pain, and they hope to hurt you, especially in front of others.
- Your best response is usually no response. And others will give YOU credit for smooth and gracious behavior. They are dealing with the Difficult People too.
Be thankful for the difficult people. They have shown you exactly who you don’t want to be.
- If the person has just made you the butt of a joke in front of others, act impervious, and keep smiling. They gave you a gag award for talking too much? With a cheerful smile on your face, and possibly a little laugh, say, “Isn’t it wonderful we all have such a great sense of humor!” Then quietly walk away. No flouncing—portray a relaxed, confident demeanor. If you think they were trying to humiliate you, they were. If you can pretend you found the humiliating circumstance funny, do that, laugh, and again, walk away, because you are very busy and need to get to your next meeting/deadline/appointment. If it was at a company party, never go again. You are so busy, you can’t think what your calendar holds for that day, when they ask you to the next company party. Master the vague look of distant thoughtfulness if they try to get you to agree to an event.
- If you laugh with the person, they get no satisfaction. When they insult you and you fail to act crushed, they may act like you are clueless and failed to get the put-down. In this case, they will say, “Oh (Name)! You’re so funny!” Then your best line is one of non-resistance: “I know! I’m a very funny wo/man!” At this point, if you are a very good actress/actor, you can really drive your attacker—and that is what the person is—crazy by continuing to stand with the group for another minute or two, smiling and being apparently perfectly comfortable. Again, do not give them energy. And while you are functioning with grace, you are the one who will be promoted beyond the nasty person.
Famous pastor/speaker/author Joel Osteen has said:
Sometimes, God uses difficult people, like sandpaper,
to rub the rough edges off of us.
I once went 6 rounds with a man who was trying to say I was so wrong that I was “wrong in the head”. I told him cheerfully, “[T]hat’s right! I had a concussion years ago and haven’t been right since!” He tried again, and I told him, “[Y]ou’re right! I’m a head case!” And four more rounds. He began to frown and literally foam at the mouth, getting angrier and angrier that I was not giving him the satisfaction of becoming wounded. A well-known nasty person, he has never tried his routines on me again. This makes me smile: I won!
- If you must see this person regularly, keep it light, cheerful, and brief. Whenever you must cross paths, at work, at your social organization, at family events, or at school/training, don’t initiate with them and don’t give them energy. Others are dealing with the same issues with this person, so you have silent support. If it’s an instructor, switch to another section or take the class at another campus. Consider reporting the instructor anonymously. Eventually, his/her classes will be so small that he/she will no longer be hired as an instructor there.
A fractured Latin phrase advises us: Nil Illegitimi Carborundum: Don’t let the b–ds wear you down. Again, don’t give them any energy. You have a right to lead a healthy and happy life. Be brief in dealing with anyone/anything negative. Soon, you will notice your stamina rising and your happiness taking over. Why not go for it? Now that’s Upbeat Living!
- Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
- For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: firstname.lastname@example.org .