© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button. World Rights Reserved.
© eelsonova – Fotolia
Today’s article is inspired by the people who love to complain behind your back, and if possible, start an argument with you in person. These people are on most committees and boards. They seek to create conflict. It excites them and helps create drama. Sometimes, it makes them feel important. But it burns your time and energy. There’s a lot of advice available about dealing with negative people, and a lot of wisdom available about how exactly to word what you say to them.
I never make the mistake of arguing with people
for whose opinions I have no respect.
However, as a stress management expert, I recommend you not spend a lot of energy analyzing these people. Simply use energy shifts to control how much these people affect you. They do it compulsively. You, however, don’t have to get sucked in. If you like peaceful relationships, as I do, here are great strategies for diffusing conflict and hostile energy.
- To the person who often surges up to you to bitterly complain, about anything and nothing: nod kindly, saying, “I know what you mean”, or simply, “mmmm”.
- To the person who takes issue with everything you say, reverse the energy. You just took the snow tires off your car for the season, and this person loudly says that THEY always leave them on until MARCH. In a thoughtful tone, you say either, “[W]ell, good!” or even, “[Y]ou know, you’re right about that. I should do that.” You just eliminated their drama. After a few episodes, they may stop seeking you out. This would be good!
- To the person above you in the organization, who says something nasty to you in front of others: walk directly to their private office and wait.
- To the person below you in the organization, or your equal, in a club or nonprofit: when they complain, pull their energy forward by inviting them to serve on a committee that deals with the topic they complained about. Repeat as needed.
- With all negative people and arguers: remain calm and speak back to them as though they spoke pleasantly. Their energy will come down to your calm.
- With any negative person: while driving to work, or wherever you have to deal with them, picture their face in its typical expressions. Then keep watching until it turns to a relaxed smile. Hold that image in your mind. Notice how different they are in when you see them in person. Do this daily.
I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.
~ Buddy Hackett
Do you want to have the least conflict possible? Then bypass Paralysis By Analysis, and stay light and even. Nurture your own Peace Within. Smile pleasantly and focus on the light and the positive. Be very busy and quickly yet calmly leave those aggressive conversations. People who love drama will calm down and start leaving you alone. Now that’s Upbeat Living!
Energy – Peace – Meditation
- Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
- For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: firstname.lastname@example.org .