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© 2014 Kebba Buckley Button.  World Rights Reserved.  www.kebba.com

Stress, upbeat living, house, home

© RFsole – Fotolia

Life is very busy, noisy, and fluid today.  People relocate a lot.  For some people, the idea of “home” is a very comforting and stabilizing essence, a community or a house to return to for peace and warmth.  What makes us attached to one place as “home”?  From time to time, let’s ask ourselves, “[D]o I really want to be holding onto this place?  Or do I want to simply be satisfied with my great memories?”  In our culture, we have many layers of meaning when we talk about “home”.

In baseball, there is a “home base”.  You can “get a home run” or “slide into home”.  In basketball, Miami Heat star LeBron James has decided to “go home” to Cleveland, to play for the Cavaliers again, after 4 seasons with the Miami Heat.  Cleveland media refer to his “coming home”.   We talk about “homing in” on a target or goal.  A “homing pigeon” is one that flies out and about, then returns to its starting point.  Some say they feel “really at home” in their new school or job.  People who travel a lot on business may refer to their “home city” or that city as their “home base”.

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. 

~ Maya Angelou

My parents had a house in the town where I spent my public school years.  They lived in the house for 40 years.  When they sold it, the new owners re-cut some of the windows and walls and changed most of the landscaping.  Some of my relatives felt violated by the changes, as though some immutable law had been broken.  What was their attachment?   I thought the changes were great, redeeming and refreshing the house, and bringing in a lot of sunlight.  I hoped, and still do, that the new young family would have many years of joy in that house—that it would serve them well.  When we saw the construction, I felt relief, not regret.  I thanked the house for the good times.

I have seen a number of women, when going through a divorce, decide they absolutely must keep the house of their marriage years. Their attachment to the house as “home” is something they are committed to, as if their emotional life depended on it.  Then one divorced woman with little income is living in a house with a few more bedrooms than she can sleep in, but where she has many memories.  What is that attachment?  Can you live in the past, feeding on your memories?

Candy Spelling, widow of famed producer Aaron Spelling, had a 150-room home to deal with when her husband died in 2006.  One week, he had a stroke, and five days later, he died.  Candy had absolutely loved the 56,500 square foot home, nicknamed “Spelling Manor”.  But she reorganized her life and purchased a bilevel penthouse in Century City, downsizing to 18,000 square feet.  She sold Spelling Manor.  Then she spent several years on the condo buildout and the warehousing/sorting of her Spelling Manor belongings.  Bringing some of her memories with her, Candy Spelling recovered some favorite chairs and decorated with treasures from her decades of collecting.  She celebrated her previous chapters and brought the best into her new chapter.  The penthouse is truly her new home.

My husband and I have realized that neither of us is very sentimental about the house in which we live.  We are in a charming house currently.  It is our home for now.  We greatly enjoy our home and community. But one day we may decide to move to another house, and then that will be our home.  We have very low house-attachment!  But that is because we have each other.  We have an intense relationship that gets richer all the time.  We know that relationships transcend structures.  Who hasn’t heard this timeless quote:

Home is where the heart is. 

~Pliny The Elder

Whether you’re LeBron James, Candy Spelling, or simply yourself, what makes your house your home is up to you and your heart.  You call it, and do it your way.  Now that’s Upbeat Living!

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● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert.  She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within:  Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc).  She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

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